there were soooo many times TL i would have given anything to be far away.....i almost moved to florida during the whole mess.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Hi wantlove! My H's only contact with me in over a year has been flowers. He refuses all other contact from my DD, me or his parents and sister. I am still hopeful and hanging in there. One person told me that my H is actually being really caring. He knows, and feels guilty, about how he is behaving and is keeping me out of it, safe. So I keep that tucked in my heart - he is keeping me safe from the insanity and try not to worry too much about the other stuff. (but I do have those "I want to kill him days" or "how can he do this to his DD" days)
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
I would ki8ll, literally, for ANY contaqct. He comes to the house while I am work to get his mail. It is so confusing. He hasn't taken anything personal, just clothes and his family crest. He said he wanted a sep. agreement the night before he left, but I've heard nothing else. I want so much to believe he is thinking about things and doesn't want SA, but then I become convinced he is filing as we speak. How can i do this? I am keeping myself busy aqnd haven;t reached out to him. Sometimes, I think I;d like to send him a quick email, a joke or something, but then i panic and think REALLY bad idea. It is harder every day without a word from him...
He was at the house yesterday to get his mail. I know he saw the birthday cards I got from a couple of people - he didn;t even acknowledge my birthday last week. Even if I could believe that he forgot about the day, which some people say happens, but i cannot believe, it hurts like h*ll that, even after seeing the cards, he didn't acknowledge it then! I guess I will never understand the mindset of purposely hurting someone just a few short weeks ago you were telling you loved and wanted to start a family with. I feel so insignificant.....
Wantlove, maybe it is time for tough love. Why is coming into the house when you are not there? Is he still living there? If not, change the locks and tell him you will get the mail to him whenever convenient. It does hurt when you are ignored. My H doesn't seem to care at all...he didn't respond when I told him DD was threatening to leave, etc. First, don't take it personally, it is him not you. You said you are doing things. Great! Keep at it, give yourself time to grieve and "act as if". I have been at it almost 2 years. It does get better.
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
he is still paying haqlf of house expenses, but not living here and his name is on the house. I would never tell him he could not haqve access. He has worked juwt as haqrd as I have for evrything we haave. Frankly, I wish he would take some stuff, because he earned it the same as I did.....
This is some information that I came across here and other sources plus a poster who sent me an e-mail yesterday sent me the same statistics, which is very credible.
A significant number (I do not have the numbers used in the stats but would be happy to look them up again) of WAS, MLC, etc., would eventually return to the marriage or reunite after a divorce if the spouse that was left behind was willing to take them back. Month, years and even decades can pass before this happens but it is estimated from the studies that this eventuality would more than likely take place. The challenge is that most LBS usually quit standing for the marriage because of the damage done to the relationship or loneliness so the two are never reunited.
Most of the people outside of this board would tend to disagree and a growing number of posters on the board are beginning to agree with the rest of the world. If a person decides they do not want to wait any longer for the spouse that ended the relationship, that is their choice and they should not be made to feel guilty about considering "no return" to the former relationship. The time that a person gives to "standing" is also their business as well. The biggest concern that many here have is that someone moves on to a new relationship before they have healed from the old one.
What keeps me standing is uncertainty and the belief that what we had was significant and a new, better relationship can be had. If I knew the future, would 10 years be too long to wait for my wife? I don't think it would be. I have so much else in my life. My happiness is not in people or things.
So, in a long way around to answer your question, I do not have experience of a spouse returning as mine has yet to return but your situation is unique. You are a unique person and your spouse is a unique person and statistics are only statistics. Your spouse may return after a very long time. The question is "how long are you willing to wait" and "Is your spouse worth waiting for"? The communcation part is just as hazy an answer.
My prayers are with you.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
I will stand for our marriage for as long as it takes. He and our life together are worth it. Sometimes i feel really positive - he will be back, i just don't know when. Other times, I'm convinced he is gone for good. My thoughts swing wildly and it makes me completly neurotic. I cannot stop the swirling, and would give my life for one contact with him, just to know tht he hasn't fogotten me.....
What has been important to me is to learn that it doesnt take my wife to make me happy. She adds to my life. She doesn't make it complete. You cannot get happiness from another person or material things. When you get to that point, you will feel a lot less "all over the place". Life must go on for you while he is out doing whatever it is he doing. You cannot control or shape him to fit your needs.
You can do it.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
I am tired of having to do it, y'know? why does he ge3t to wqlk qaway from all responsibilities whedn I sill have to take care of everything? Yes, he gives me house money, but thqt doesn't amke up for the fact that Ihave to deal with eve3rything alone. I m tired of havign to lige this waqy, qnd no aqmount of GAL will change the fact that I do, in fact, have to take care of everything. Ironically, he said that I never stoppedhikj from doing anything he wanted to, but that he needed to leave so that he could do what he wants when he wants..... if this had any kind of logic to it, maybe it would be easier to deal with?!?!?
