w8ing I stopped playing the game, If I don't play someone gets mad and has to figure out a new way to spread misery. she called tonight twice and I didn't answer either call. later she texted me telling me she figured it out with out my help thanks anyway. no i didn't give in to temptation and send her a reply.
I would rather that she move out, however I have been doing some research into the recreational property market where the cottage is. The value might not be where we think that it is, therefore I may want to re-evaluate my direction as to which property I want to try and stay in. There is no way I can do both, but if I can get the cottage I will sell the house and buy a duplex. I must wait until I get the appraisal back next week. either way it would be smart to refi so we can both afford a similar live style that the girls are use to. and since she has a new fancination for bars she can have money to go out.
she has eyes for my pension too, I have found out what her pay out per month on her pension is but have not yet found the conversion formula to a total cash value, Google hasn't helped me, or i am looking in the wrong place.
For the M itself, I tried for three months to work out the issues not realizing that I was the only one working at it. I don't know the person who she has become and don't care to. she is very mean and has turned on her own daughters. what happen last week between her and D15 has really left an impression on me, I never seen the anger like that in her. I deal with that almost every day in my line of work, but not in my house. I could never live like that or in a sitch like that and I don't think that my Ds deserve to live like that either. If that were to happen again I will remove the kids from the house and push for full custody, I would have no choice. It is just amazing what has happen to this woman something has snapped.
I see the L Tue morning and will know more then, at least I will have a direction that I can follow. I retained one of the best in the area recommended by other Ls.
Besides I don’t like to play mind games like that, ask me what you think and I will tell you, that is if I trust you.
"Worry is the price you pay for most of the things in life that never happen"
I think the L will tell you the only answer to the cash payout is a written reply from her employer estimating that amount. Guess what, they have trouble doing it ... don't like to ... and will be a huge pain. But they usually got people on the payroll responsible for doing just that. You may not like all the answers, like bad property appraisals, but the way to go is with numbers from independent third party.
There is a formula from what I understand is used in the state to determine the cash value. L mentioned it when I met with him for an initial consultation.
Must go to bed, work just called and told me I had to come in at 2am. lovely, Home game this weekend and plenty of drunks, I mean people in town. I hate the 13 hour shifts
"Worry is the price you pay for most of the things in life that never happen"
she called tonight twice and I didn't answer either call. later she texted me telling me she figured it out with out my help thanks anyway. no i didn't give in to temptation and send her a reply.
Great! Exactly what you should have done. She is a big girl and can (should?) take care of herself. She has to learn to figure things out since she wants to go this route.
Did your wife work for a larger company? If so, it should be easy for them to let you know the cash payout amount. Usually there is a retirement plan or plans expert in the benefits department that handles this. If it is a smaller company, they may contract this out to a TPA. But it shouldn't be too hard to obtain. I think it is a more complex formula - there is software out there for benefit departments and TPAs to use to calculate this amount.
You are wise to check into the recreational market before selling. We also have a little vacation place and would take a bath on it now if we sold. The value is way down. But we bought it for a long term investment (ha ha) and knew the that value would go up and down in the short run.
I hope you have a fun weekend planned! Do you get to see your Ds?
W8ing Ws pension is a union pension, I just plan on giving everything to L and let him figure it out. I don't plan on any contact unless it has to deal with kids from now on. I am done with all this stuff.
we bought our cottage 17 years ago, bought and paid for long ago, it has at least tripled in value.
no fun this weekend, i have to work, and i even got forced in at 2am this morning. I do have the Ds until monday though. then at teh cottage until Friday then I have them again for 2 plus weeks.
"Worry is the price you pay for most of the things in life that never happen"
well heading out until friday, my turn out of the house. appointment tue am with L to figure all this out. for those standing for their M I turely hope it works for you. If you can hold on make sure that you have your seat belt on. In my case that will not happen, she is gone to far and I have reached a point that I have had enough. I must protect my girls and our future, a future that does not include her. I may lurk on the DB site, even post if I feel it will help. good luck peeps
"Worry is the price you pay for most of the things in life that never happen"
I don't know what happened with your W and daughter(s), but I am certain that it must have been serious enough for you to take this step.
I will miss you if this is indeed a goodbye. You have really been there for me when I needed it most - thank you. But I do understand moving on. I hope that one day I will reach this step.
