Bruce hope you had a nice visit with your cousin. I know what you mean about those connections with your w.I feel them a alot with my H..He leaves but he always comes back to see the kids and reconnect with me..like I sense he wants to be sure we are ok.. so sometimes I think maybe they have to see us; and I agree with you, I believe many of us here could have great r with our Spouses if all were willing to work.. peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Thanks for your post. Saw the W today, and it was just the opposite of when I saw her ten days ago. Then, her eyes were lit up, she seemed curious and eager to talk. I sensed a connection that is still there.
Today, she was just the opposite. I didn't expect her to be home, but she was. That's usually a sign, from what little I've learned this summer, that she's feeling low. She has reported to me in passing that some days she's been home crying. Today, before I left, she just sat on the bed saying "God must hate me. My whole adult life has been f...ed up." Sad, really. I gently asked if there were anything she wanted to talk about, and said that I doubted God hated her. Not surprising, she didn't want to talk. So I left.
I've really learned to detach from situations like this. Her comments did not bother me personally, whereas two months ago or so I would have been really anxious about such a remark. Now, thanks to these boards and other reading, I see it for what it is. I don't believe she really believes it, but that's where she is right now. Between the rampant spending and what looks like an emotional roller coaster, she sure as heck does seem to be deep in MLC depression. I'll own my failures as a husband, but this is so much bigger than me. I'm still there for her as a friend, but I see more and more that this is a long, long walk. For now I'm still willing to wait. I love her, and will not walk away now. At some point, however, I will have to make a decision about my life. I can't pull her out of this, and given that depression runs in her family I'm starting to wonder if she will pull herself out.
I wonder if she was set off by a comment I emailed her yesterday. When she asked about the trip, I reported many good things. I also reported that my cousin's husband seems to be in depression about getting old. My wife has long feared death, and avoiding aging is a big part of her MLC. It's just speculation about whether my comment fueled this, however. I don't know and won't worry about it.
I wonder if she sees some of the changes in me and doesn't know what to make of them. But, I'm not going too far in that direction too as I just don't know much of what she thinks or feels these days.
Peace, I hope you are well. Mile High, if you're reading this how are you doing? Well, I hope.
