PS, I have been told I look very young! Young enough to talk to "girls your age"..."Hi, I'm CVA, I have 4 kids and apparently an a##hole, you wanna go out?"
That will go over big!
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
CVA - quit feeling sorry for yourself and fishing for compliments. As someone who's benn out there for a month (and who also knows you), I can promise that you will be just fine when you are ready. By the way, while I'd love to draw some attention from a young tatooed hottie Deadhead like WAW, there are a quite a few options in our range too my friend. And my personal feeling is there are a lot fewer "games in the 35-45 range than say the 20 - 30 range.
WAW - thanks for the update.
Originally Posted By: WAW1978
Had way too much fun this past weekend. Dancing, flirting...I know probably a little over the top.
Go for it. Let some steam off. You can always slow it down or back off.
Originally Posted By: WAW1978
H has pretty much decided that he is done with me. He is moving on with his life. Blah blah blah. More of the same.
You should assume this is true. It might not be or it might change, but I think you should assume it is true and focus on what you want and what you can do for you.
Originally Posted By: WAW1978
The MC suggested at this point that we probably are headed for a D unless something changes. MC doesn't see the point of us coming anymore if H doesn't want to work on things. H admits that he did do all of those things to me over the years but doesn't really want to do anything about it. Just easier for him to cut and run. Mc asked that we think about this for a few more weeksna and come back again and hope to have a plan in place for what each of us wants. If I still want to work on things but H doesn't I am pretty sure the MC is going to suggest moving forward with a D.
Well, if I were you I'd stop telling him you want to work on things as at this point that equals pursuit. (Have you read the Homer piece?) But there is no reason you have to do anything to move forward with a divorce. You can say H is right, it's impossible, this M can never be saved, but sit tight and let him take any concrete steps to affect a D while you are 100% passive. Make sense?
Originally Posted By: WAW1978
Oh and H told his parents that he was divorcing me. My MIL called me crying wanting me to BEG him to take me back. I knew the dreaded call was coming but I almost wanted to tell her if he could remove himself from your a$$ long enough then maybe he would want me back...but I didn't I just kindly told her that it was really out of my hands. If this is what he wants then its his decision ultimately.
Sounds like you handled it perfectly. You cannot control him. His mom needs to understand that.
Originally Posted By: WAW1978
I tried to discuss finances with him. He makes way more money than I do since he got a huge raise and I am still supporting our household at 50% and paying for utilites & groceries at the house I am living in. I mentioned that with all the work bonuses he gets it would be nice if he could split those, and the answer was no way. His money.
Well, not sure about MA, but the law and lawyers may think differently.
Originally Posted By: WAW1978
He is also taking D on a couple of fancy vacations that we had planned. Of course his parents are now attending instead of me.
Wow, that sounds great. He's a very lucky guy to get to vacation with his parents. I'm sure he'll be very happy.
Originally Posted By: WAW1978
I am feeling really low, probably as some of you do from time to time.
Sorry and hugs. It will pass.
Originally Posted By: WAW1978
If we do end up with the D I will just enough $$$ to support myself & D, but none for fancy vacations etc. With the real estate market in the slumps we cannnot even sell our house and pay it off. Its mortgaged to hilt as we did many renovations to it when we bought it 3 years ago. Even if we could sell it for what we owe we are both walking away with huge amounts of debt.
So there is my depressing financial rant.
Is there child support/alimony coming your way? Have you educated yourself on this? What about the settlement in D? Will you get 50% of the marital assets? You can research this on the web.
Originally Posted By: WAW1978
I did threaten him with going to good ole' Providence RI and getting a job at the Foxy Lady to compensate for my lack of funds. Needless to say this did not get any laughs from him.
Would you want to do this for you (or purely a joke)?
Originally Posted By: WAW1978
Anyway my IC has been trying to help me let go of this M as its been mentally unhealthy for me anyway. She made a good point that I am too wrapped up in the social stigma attached to divorce and the material loss that it will cause.
It may also help you to realize you deserve much better.
Originally Posted By: WAW1978
Those cuties at the bar looked awfully tempting after this drought I have been going through.
Hmmm. Can you describe them? What's your style??
Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
You always have such a seasoned responses. I always learn a lot from your posts.
Yes, I am gong to just back off trying to save the M for now. Cause your right that is pursuing and probably pushing him further away. I got to remember he’s turned the tables on me.
I have seen an atty in MA. It is generally a 50/50 split. But other than the house we do not have any other assets. We each have small 401K’s, we emptied them to buy this big ole’ house and then took out home equity lines to do extensive rehab. Up until this year we made about the same amount. The atty I consulted with told me that the courts would look at a couple years W-2’s to determine CS/alimony etc. Last 2 years we made about the same amount. It was just this year H got the big raise. The atty also said that they would average the amounts in case H just had a good year this year. Me getting any type of alimony is almost nil. I would get some CS if the custody arrangement wasn’t 50/50 legal & physical but where it looks like we make the same amount and will be sharing the duties completely…there is little hope there as well. H will fight tooth and nail for the 50/50 joint physical and legal of our daughter. So I am not looking forward to any financial support from the divorce. We will probably walk away without a penny in either pocket. I have outstanding student loans, pre-marriage so I will probably get stuck with those.
Oh the comment about the Foxy Lady was def a joke!
I don’t have a type but this weekend they were blond, blue eyed Brits. Kinda like Billy Idol. But I like Brits in general. Jason Statham, Clive Owen, Daniel Craig, Simon Roche…just to name a few.
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
Oh Puh. I'm an idiot really, but I like to hear myself talk.
Originally Posted By: WAW1978
Yes, I am gong to just back off trying to save the M for now. Cause your right that is pursuing and probably pushing him further away. I got to remember he’s turned the tables on me.
Good. Read Homer?
Originally Posted By: WAW1978
Oh the comment about the Foxy Lady was def a joke!
What about the RI part?
Originally Posted By: WAW1978
I don’t have a type but this weekend they were blond, blue eyed Brits. Kinda like Billy Idol. But I like Brits in general. Jason Statham, Clive Owen, Daniel Craig, Simon Roche…just to name a few.
Damn.
Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
RI is the strip club capital of the NE. There is like a dozen in the whole 20 mile radius of the state. Totally kidding! But it makes H realize how bad my money situation is for me to be considering such drastic measures.
Yeah Brits are just my fantasy men. Otherwise I don't have a type per se. I like funny, attractive guys with good sense of humor who like to have FUN!
Me: 30 EX-H: 37 DD: 5 Separated 6/07. MC for months, EX-H quit MC. Divorce Final 8/14/08. Trying to move on with new life.
Aren't we CVA?