Great post 25Years!!! You bring up a really good point about enjoying the present.
Olive, I think it's great OW is putting pressure on your husband. That is showing her true colors (bit@h!) and he's bound to get tired of that very quickly. If you can be relaxed, give space, and be supportive when he needs a friend he's going to find that a much more comfortable place to be.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I think some of what is throwing him her way again is that he can go over to her house any time he wants to now that her XH is gone. So, she's luring my H there with requests to "help around the house". Playing the helpless divorcee'card. Then, once there, she acts like she's his wife by making him lunch, giving him leftovers for tomorrow's lunch, buying him gifts, etc (UGH!).
Right when the D was final, there was this flare-up of him making excuses for where he was in the evening.. the usual lies of ommission. But since I called him out on that stuff and told him how much I hate a liar, he seems to not know what to do. Even when asked point blank "do you want a divorce?", his answer was "I don't know". He feels like he has invested himself so much in his R with ow that he can't get out. What do I do with that???
LO, I'm in the same boat as you. It gets quite choppy at times, huh?
Originally Posted By: lovelyolive
He feels like he has invested himself so much in his R with ow that he can't get out. What do I do with that???
Sooner or later our spouses have to make a decision. Perhaps they already have, or are leaning our way, but don't know what to do with OW. I think my H is afraid of hurting her. No matter how it ends, they need to realize that people are already hurt and that's how it will end. There is no good way to do it. They just have to decide to do it and GET IT DONE.
I have to put up with calls from the OW, too. She is pursuing quite heavily. From a couple comments my H has made, he gets fed up with it sometimes. At times, she just calls just to chit chat. Like last night he was making soup, she called just to find out how it turned out.
I think everyone is right, let them pursue, let them damage themselves and the relationship. We have to be fun, loving, patient and give our H space.
In the meantime, no matter how much she calls, I quite content knowing that I am the one cuddled up to him at night, especially now that the nights are getting colder. And she is not. That brings me great satisfaction.
Joie, At least the ow in your sitch doesn't know when to back off and is acting like an idiot. When my H tells her to back off on the tm'ing and calls when he's home, she actually does it! She does exactly whatever will make my H happy with her. Isn't she a great person??!
They come in all shapes and sizes! No, the OW in my sitch doesn't know when to back off, or ever does!! That is 'good' for me. But for you, there's something to be said about someone who does everything they can to please someone, being a pushover doesn't look too attractive either. I think that is a good thing for you. That's where DBing brings you out in front!
LuvMyHusband Me: 41 H: 43 ch: 3 M: 7+ T: 10+ Bomb: EA 8/07, A over phone/net 10/07 Seperated: 9/07 H ended A/EA with OW again on 1/2008 Reconsile: 3/26/2008, H admitted PA
I'm here and will check posts later tonight if you want.
And hey, get busy b/c it's Saturday night and if you have to go out and see a movie yourself, do it. Better to call a buddy, but do it alone if you must and BE mysterious. That done, in a subtle way, is how you show your H that he'll have to decide or he'll lose YOU....he knows she's available, but if you are happy and upbeat, BUT maybe being pursued by someone else.....who knows? It means you aren't pressuring him directly or bitching, but you are a great catch and the world is starting to notice.... j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
