Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy To ML or not to ML -- that is the question!

There's information on this site about this topic. Unfortunately I don't have the link. Surprisingly, it is recommended (this was something I agonized and researched about as well). The thing you have to ask yourself is if you can emotionally handle it? Can you still detach, GAL and create your own life?

My feelings about this is if you are still married, this is legally your husband so why not use him for sex? Also, why not send sexy text messages? Why not be the OW to your HUSBAND???? Cake eating? How does H know you aren't cake eating too? Make sure you are going out on weekend evenings looking HOT and being unavailable sometimes. Be sexy, unavilable sometimes and USE your husband!!!!

I thought is was recommended to continue ML, not to continue ML if the WS is ML with OP. Dr. Kreidman of Light Your Fire says to say no to sharing a partner. You are competing with the OP and that means showing WS how much happier WS would be in the marriage by doing other things. I do not think it is ever safe to be permiscuous and knowingly having multiple partners is being permiscuous and that is dangerous to all involved. My 2 cents but I am celibate over here. Sad face.

Thanks for the male perspective -- I MUST *try* to look at it from H's point of view.

I feel so bad that your wife cheated on you. Many times in my marriage I wanted to walk away, too. But every time I prayed about it, God would yank me back to my senses. I don't know why God would allow my H to leave me, but I definitely feel that He wants me to fight for my marriage -- even if all I can do is pray about it.

I'm guessing that the issue of ML w/separated spouse is different if the W is involved w/OP. I'm just guessing because male/female perspectives on s*x are so different. Male = physical, female = love. Are the WAW more likely to return if their H's ML?

That is an interesting question. Honestly, I have seen on here many time cake-eating WAH,(mine was one of them), but I have never seen where the WAW wants to ML with both H and OM.

Men out there can you answer this question?

My friend's TH said that W walk away from an unhappy R for a variety of reasons but men will in an unhappy R unless there is someone else waiting in the wings. I wanted out several times because of my H's anger and depression but H never wanted out because of the kids .....until someone flirted with him one night. He was gone in a flash that time and hasn't looked back.

A few weeks ago, I had left him a text message saying that I was not going to give up without a fight, etc. and then I went out and bought some sexy clothes.

Dressing sexy definitely got his attention! Unfortunately, he seems more interested in the s*x than dumping this woman and coming home. I thought it would lure him back to me, but it seemed to cause more problems.

If ML had worked, my H would have been home by now.

I hope that once the fireworks and animated swirling hearts of infatuation w/OW fade (and they will), he'll remember the great times we had.

As long as he still has some love for me (and he does), I still have a fighting chance. But this time, I'll fight for him in prayer.

I certainly agree with this. I don't think I personally know a man who has left his marriage and it wasn't because of an affair. On the other hand I have known of women to leave their marriages for a variety of reasons from abuse to adultery to simply saying that they had fallen out of love. The falling out of love I find is a very lame reason especially when children are involved.

When my H just out of the blue told me he wanted out I knew there was someone else although he insisted there wasn't.

The thought did cross my mind. I can't really anser it becasue it has not happened and as we all know we can't say what we would do until it happens. But....... Yes I have thought about letting My W see the Other man if she would come back to me.

Sad isn't it

No,it's not sad, it just shows how much you love her. I'm sure many people on here given the chance of making love with their spouses soon after the bomb and even longer would not turn down their spouse if an occasion arose that they could share passion with them.

Not sad. Realistic. We know we cannot control anyone else. The biggest indicator of successful R after infidelity is the WS sympathy to the LBS temporary insanity from the sitch. Marriage Builders. An affair needs to die a natural death. No contact is ideal but look how hard it is for us to Go Dark completely. Ironically, a six month affair is as hard to give up as a10 year marriage. Not fair.