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I know being scared is bad, but it's how I feel. I try not to show it to him though.

I've got a lot of stress right now and I think that's making me more anxious. I thought I might type them out here, just to get a better perspective on what's triggering them.

1. Husband - obviously the biggest stress factor in my life right now, pretty self explanatory.

2. Finances - I make pretty decent money but it just seems like there's more month than money since I moved out.

3. Ex Husband - Mercy! I know I'm always going to have to deal w him and I thought it was better, but it seems like now that I don't have my H there to help me deal w him it's worse. He's tripping the girls out b/c he started going to a new church (different denomination). They have so much change going on right now I just wish he wouldn't push them into accepting this on top the other stuff (my separation from H, his (ex) engagement, new school, etc).

4. D14 and D10 - I don't know if they are going through normal sibling fights or it's something I need to talk to a professional about, but they fight constantly.

5. Work - lots of stress there, we are horribly busy. I also think that my closest friend here is upset with me b/c I'm pulling away for her, that in turn is making working together harder. There's more to that, but I'm not going to go into it right now.

I'm just really worn out and I think that contributes to my anxiety level.

Wow - sorry you have to deal w/all of that. I only have one piece of advice = Xanax!

Yeah, I'm out of Adivan but I'll be getting some more tomorrow. I just wonder when I'm going to get a break, I do NOT have the patience of Job.

Just after I posted this D14's orthodontist called to let me know that I'm behind on their payment..so far behind that they're going to be taken off on the 17th. The dog has a stomach virus, I have to get a tag for my car, and I have had a headache for 4 days. I know I should be thankful for having my health (physical) and that my daughters have their health but I honestly don't know if I can take any more. I know God won't give you more than you can handle, I just think I'm getting close.

Take a mental health day. Call in sick. Go to a movie. Sit in a park. Vege at home.

Just try to do what you can. You don't have to be superwoman to everyone. I know it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, but just try to stop for a little bit and take a little bit of time for yourself. Take a hot bath, get a massage, get your nails done. Just breathe and relax!

If I can make it until Saturday I think I'll be ok. My kids are going to be on fall break next week and it will give me time for some much needed rest.

I'm on day 2 of no contact w H. Seems like I had been initiating all the contact between us the last few times, so I decided to back off again. D14 was voted for 9th grade homecoming attendant at her school and the game is Friday night. I invited H but he said he was playing in a golf tournament on Saturday and had to stay w a friend Friday night so he wouldn't have to drive so far on Sat morn. I have a horrible feeling that he's going somewhere w/ OW and the golf tournament is a cover. I do believe he's playing, I just don't believe that he's spending the night w his golfing buddy.

Detach..detach..detach.

You know, I just can't understand it. It's not like OW is this super model looking type, to be honest..she's not even pretty. I remember seeing her for the first time and thinking "woah, that looks like a man in bad drag!". Now I know that's a horrible comment, and very un christian like, but that's what I thought. So, here's a man (my H) with a pretty cute wife (that would be me), that always smells nice, dresses attractivly, and is offering him a wonderful life...why would he still choose OW? I know it's not all about looks, and we have been horrible to one another in the past..but here's a chance at happiness. Not to mention he's told me that he believes he can't marry her or even have anything beyond a friendship with her b/c of our relgious beliefs. He's even said "I don't want to go to hell". I just don't understand it. And I am admitting to all of my faults and trying to do what's right (watching my attitude, going to church, praying, etc). I am making it SOOO easy for him to come back.

::waits for 2x4::

Well, no matter where he is staying Friday night, just remember that there is nothing you can do about it. Stressing or letting your mind go crazy wondering if he is with OW will not do you any good. Keep your PMA and throw that STOP sign up in your mind about the "man in bad drag!" That's funny, by the way. I wish I could see her b/c I have the most gawd aweful mental picture right now!
Congrats to your D14...homecoming attendant is pretty cool! I remember doing that in HS. Oh the good ol' days!

I was just thinking about them the other day. I remember when I was younger all I wanted to be was older... Now I would give anything to go back & I am only 30!!! Yikes! If I only knew then...