Oh and thanks to the advice of the other board he kept telling me to go. He wanted me to be happy, wanted me to figure it all out. He does tell me now that he never really thought Iwould leave and when I did it affected him more than he ever thought it would.
Oh and stillnot quite familiar with how to work the 'quotes' etc here yet or what some of the short forms are...so bear with me!!!
M: 34 H: 32 M: almost 6 years S: 2 yrs D: 4 yrs Together: 8 Known him: 15 years I walked away: April 1st Wanted back: May 1st!!!!!
I have always slept with the TV off. Every little noise I heard made me jump out of bed to see if someone was there etc... Just an example....I have learned nowt to sleep with the TV off. I hear a noise...so what.
When we were bartending I would wait up until 4 for him to get home because I could not sleep without him....Now I can, Imade myself. I never wanted him to go out. I was afraid when he wasnt around. Doing this has made me learn to not be afraid if he isnt around. I cant imagine how hard that must have been for him. Now he and I coudl function. He could do all those things and I would not be afraid. I would be sleeping soundly when he got home from what ever he was doing. I could wrap my arms aoround him then. It is something I think about often!
M: 34 H: 32 M: almost 6 years S: 2 yrs D: 4 yrs Together: 8 Known him: 15 years I walked away: April 1st Wanted back: May 1st!!!!!
I don't know the answer to that either. Sounds like you did need some time on your own and you did mature during that time.
So should you give up the EA to get your H back? Yes. As a tradeoff, that's one that you should make. It's not an unusual requirement.
I suggest that you consider going to a Retrouvaille weekend with your husband. Check the website, http://www.retrouvaille.org for dates and locations. They have them all over the world. It is a wonderful marital retreat weekend that is not therapy. It focuses on improving your communication skills with your spouse.
Both EdieMarie and Limbo went to Retrouvaille weekends last week. You can read their threads and see how successful they were. You may have to push your H to get him there, but if you can get him there, you will almost certainly get good results.
he wont do anything with me that appears remotely intimate not even a movie. Says he doesnt trust the boundaries? his or mine. We cant even do coffee unless the kids are there. How do I get over that hurdle. See? So stuck?
M: 34 H: 32 M: almost 6 years S: 2 yrs D: 4 yrs Together: 8 Known him: 15 years I walked away: April 1st Wanted back: May 1st!!!!!
Ok we are getting somewhere. Its becoming a little more clear. First take a step back and breath. Enjoy your day and I will post some more this evening. I still gotta spin it a little (On my way to work).
Just gotta say the role reversal sucks. I see it in you stitch (situation) and I see it in mine.
Another thing I see is my tool box analogy. I see the Snap-On man brought a shiny new box with all new tools in it and you just can't wait to get to work. I am in that same place. With the same responce you are getting. You can almost taste how good things could be and the thought of never having it is killing you. It brings all kinds of weird things to the surface. Again I gotta spin that a little as I am not sure what to do with some of my weird stuff.
I never really got if the new woman was needy (like you were) or if you don't know.
Last comment... Ok he did everything for you. You placed your happiness in someone else. Got that. Understand that. What I still have a hard time with is why you needed to get away (seperate) to find yourself. I have said many times that the seperation will not resolve any problems and for me it would bring on a whole new set (read the above story). You will still have to work on the issues that you and your spouse have/had. The set of problems you left are still there. Now you have the new problems on top of that. I will post some more tonight.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
A littlebitlost, you absolutely need to cut your EA out asap, if you want him back. Period, your emotinal support should come from your family and spouse.
Use this barometer, do you say anything to Greg, that would upset your husband, do you or have you hid this relationship or conversations from him. If the answer is yes to either question it is wrong and will not bring anything positive to your reconciliation process.
I do not care if he is on his side, I don't buy it and it is a problem. In regards to your H. you can only control yourself. You must earn the love and trust back. You can not dictate who his friends are. So if you don't like it, don't stand for it. If you stand for your marriage you need to dump the EA, and obey the principles.
Prayers for your family and the young Kids, I hope for the best.
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
The little firey things mean that it is a topic with over 25 replies or 150 views. If you hold the pointer of the mouse over any of these signs and wait a few seconds an explanation appears.
I just read your story, sorry to hear things are confused at the moment. But I can tell you that Sandi, Nugget and Gone Dancin' are all very wise DBers, I have learned a great deal from them. I am learning to be a wise DBer. Although we all need advice ourselves, the one who "Have been there, done that" have some insight and ideas to help others out. At least tell you what you shouldn't do.
Here is my advice for what it is worth. End the EA with the OM today. As I am the LBS and a man, short of a PA, I can tell you nothing bruises the male ego more that their wife confiding in another man, telling him her deepest thoughts.
I don't think your H has moved on with the OW, however, as the others have said, he feels better after losing a lot of weight, his ego is being massaged by the OW, he feels desirable (something I want to feel again since my wife left me 3 months ago). I still love my wife deeply even though she left me and hasn't even hinted we may be able to work things out. If I was in your H shoes, had another woman there for me, had my wife pursuing me, I may play the hard a$$ too? He probably thinks he is in the drivers seat at the moment.
I would stop pursuing him, don't snoop, it will only hurt your feelings in the end. Tell him you are open to repair the damage that was caused to your R, and leave him be for a while, see if he comes around. His R is new with the OW, the newness will wear off, and he will think about the good times the two of you had, it's the great thing about the human memory, we tend to block out the negative stuff, and think of the good times.
It is so refreshing to hear stories from the WAW, or maybe just from women in general, since you are all so complicated, lol. Good luck Lost, don't give up, take out your frustrations here, not to your husband.
"We're here for a good time, not a long time" ________________________________________
M:48 W: 43 S;20, S;10 Married: 14 Years / Together 17 Years Bomb Dropped: 2/4/07 Separated: 6/29/07 D to be filed by my W soon.
