Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy lost in the land of confusion 8 and holding

I only got about 3 hours sleep last night. Could not sleep, too much going on in my head, worried and frustrated.

Not sure if I mentioned this before but we moved from CA to Utah last November. My H had many plans of what he was going to do. So far, nothing has materialized. He has worked for 18 years at the same job and wanted something different. To be his own boss. I have my own business and have an income coming in but I am dependent on people making their payments timely and if they don't...well, I'm in trouble. My H has been depending on my income to float us until he could get going. I have told him many times that I worry because if my pymts don't come, we are in trouble. So we have been getting by on my income and savings. I am worried sick. I think that's part of my resentment is that he is not providing for our family as he should be. It's not that he can't get a job here, he hasn't tried. I don't want to lose everything for his dreams.

Ok, so last night I thought a lot and read the posts of veterans. One thing that kept replaying was to do 180's. My H has said many times that he doesn't feel needed, wanted, loved and respected. Honestly, I can see how he would feel that way. I think I need to give him space but not showing him affection or being intimate may only confirm what he already is thinking.

I also cannot handle being left to deal with the finances by myself anymore. I can't carry the burden alone anymore. The amount of money he is spending driving back and forth between Utah and California plus hotels is adding up with no money coming into supplement. I return from my trip on Tuesday, if he decides to leave on Weds I am thinking about asking him to talk about finances beforehand. Laying it all out for him. I understand how badly he wants to be self employed but right now everything about our life is sinking. R, Family and Finances. I can't do this alone anymore. I am thinking about asking him what we can do, pointing out how much his leaving is costing us, and how we need to do something to have a steady income without saying "YOU need to get a job and support our family or I will have to". At some point he has got to put the well being of this family before his needs or mine.

Anyway, any advice would be appreciated.

He wants to invest in stocks to earn money and then for others. But he has tried for 4 years and so far we still don't have an income. He also makes a Colloidal Silver cream that he wants to market. I want him to do this but I think until either of them is profiting that he needs to get a job. I have talked to him repeatedly and expressed my fears. Now what I was worrying my happen has. I do judgment enforcement. the enforcement of civil money judgments against debtors. Last year we settled a big case. The debtor is supposed to make quarterly payments. His last payment was due August 1, he made half of it on September 1 and are still waiting on the rest. The next payment is due November 1. This is our main source of income.


I don't want my H to think I only want him home to support us. We need him in every way. The kids are in school, I can give him space at home. I don't think it's fair that he's staying at his parents doing whatever while I am carrying the load. Basically he comes home to "baby sit" while I am on business trips.

I don't want to wait to do something until we are down to our last dime. I can't stand this.

anyone still out there? I have to leave for my nail appointment , yes one of the few things I do to pamper myself. I'll be back later. Have a good day!

skots,

I understand your tough spot.. will this make him feel inadequate?? I would focus on it being a joint effort and that you both have to make the dollar go a long way and that you really need two incomes to run the household.

This does need to be addressed, Starting your own business, as you know is hard, we are in the same boat.. and if you don't get paid, neither does your bills.. we have the same problem.. so maybe you just need to approach it that way.

good luck honey..

tal

I think you do need to address this. He needs to help support his family. You just need to tell him how much this is putting a strain on your finances and you are having a difficult time supporting the family by yourself. It appears that you are raising another child. I think he may be having some mental issues. It sounds like a form of depression.

Hi H.

How did you find time to leave my house and make it all the way to Utah this morning? You naughty naughty boy.



skots, I agree, it needs to be addressed, but tread carefully, as TAL is very smart, you don't want to make him feel inadequate. Oh and I know what you mean about H feeling unloved and put to the back burner. That is one of our issues here. Although I have learned to stop chasing a man that is running from me. That my efforts to show true love right now are being chalked up to lame attempts.

Husband,

Hope I'm on the right thread now. How's it going? Any response from the letter?

You can run but we can chase!!

Saffie

Saffie,

I'm running kind of slow so I do get caught.

Pamar,
I'll give you a reprieve. I have to go and take care of a few things. Be sure to rest and catch your breath.

Yoyo