I know time is our friend when we're doing all this. Doing the best for the children and each other.. but how long...
I have been LRTing and DBing since May with absolutely nothing to show for it (in terms of wife's response).
Am I down? Am I discouraged? NO!! In the process of DBing, I have put myself in a much better place emotionally and psychologically. I do not know what will become of my family, but one thing I do know is that I am a much improved person, and no matter what happens, I will thrive and survive!!! There is a very lucky woman out there for me. Maybe it's my wife... maybe somebody even better. But I know that somebody's gonna hit the jackpot with this DBer!!
It is very important to think of DBing as a self-improvement program. That's really all it is. Focus on yourself, and the rest of the stuff just happens. It's out of your control anyway, so why bother with it?
You're right, wise words. Most days i feel like that,but i'm tired sometimes. I think i need to set more goals for myself. I'm going to start a ladies tennis session next Monday and start yoga again on Fridays. Tell me off if i don't!! I'm also interested in another IT course, i've just finished one. I'm thinking of a bookkeeping course. At least i can work from home. I'm a childminder at the moment, which is great whilst the kids are young.
One of my H big problems is that i went back to work after child 1 and 2. I was a QA manager for a training company. I worked part-time, but he has strong views about putting the children in childcare. I had just finished my degree and wanted to work as well as have a family(all the women in my family worked with kids). It's strange because when i had son 3 i gave up work studied for a bit and then became a childminder, which i do from home. It's almost like he got what he wanted(wife at home) and then it all turned to mud. It's strange he has always been quite jealous about the fact i could change my work options. The fact i have a few afternoons off in the week, when the kids are at school. He always compares himself to me. He's always been like that. One positive thing at the moment is he is actively looking for different work options. I've said i'll support whatever he wants to do.
My gut feeling about my situation is that H wants to make a go of things, but finding it hard to stop contact with ow. His work life is a nightmare because a lot of people started talking about h and ow. It's a long complicated story. Anyway the Headmaster got invloved, people nearly got sacked. He's still smarting over that issuee as well(obviously all my fault)I wish i had read DB before i started interrogating people at the school. But i was in shock!!!!
What's keeping me here is the fact, that before ow came along he was lovely. Ok we had problems, i can see that now. But we were alright.
What was interesting, was last night he said that he's drawn to people who have problems. It made me think. All his girl friends before me had lots of issuees. (me included) but when the women became stronger and matured into their own person,he left.
Almost like he hasn't got control anymore.
I could go on and on.... but can you see what i'm up against. I'm hoping if he can find a job he's happy with then he will be happier.
Like you said i can't do anything about it. My biggest problem is i miss the affection(i know it's a bit soft) but i can't help it. Before these problems i took it for granted and didn't miss it particulary. But when something is taken away completely, that's when you realise.
Hi, i've started Atonement. Apparently it's fab. but a bit slow at the beginning. I'm at the slow part. We're reading it in our book club / wine club as it's sometimes called....
Last weeks book club ended at about 1.00am in the morning with loads of thirtysomethings(women) dancing to Elvis in my next door neighbours dining room. I know not highly intellectual, but great fun.
I don't know your story but thanks for the the words of support. As you've gathered H is out tonight. Which is fine. I managed not to ask him where he was going and what time he was coming home. I'm definitely getting better at this. I even gave him a hug before he went and said have a great time.
Good luck with Atonement. I can't wait to watch the film.
Hi, i've started Atonement. Apparently it's fab. but a bit slow at the beginning. I'm at the slow part. We're reading it in our book club / wine club as it's sometimes called....
Last weeks book club ended at about 1.00am in the morning with loads of thirtysomethings(women) dancing to Elvis in my next door neighbours dining room. I know not highly intellectual, but great fun.
I don't know your story but thanks for the the words of support. As you've gathered H is out tonight. Which is fine. I managed not to ask him where he was going and what time he was coming home. I'm definitely getting better at this. I even gave him a hug before he went and said have a great time.
Good luck with Atonement. I can't wait to watch the film.
I have a book club that I set up. We have never ended up dancing, (mental note to add wine to the list aswell as books), and we are 40 something. I am 43 - urgh - but 23 inside still, (until I look in the mirror)!
Fancy trading some book ideas sometime? I always think the best bit is choosing the next book. I read all the time. I have yet to work out though how to combine my two passions, riding and reading!!! My horse won't co-operate.
Book - keeping is a great idea to do from home.
I am a tax consultant and I was always looking for good relaible book - keepers. I used to do that side myself to begin with but as I wasn't trained in that it took too much time.
Click on my name and come and join in on my thread sometime.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
You sound like you are doing just fine...Not much advice from me tonight....Too much wine or whatever it was lol....
Also I need an invite to your book club....You say loads of thirty something women there??...I'm in, I can read no problem..Dance..You just see my feet go.....Ok, stick to the reading, but sounds nice either way...
Hi, had a bit of a problem on Saturday night. 9year old son very upset. Screaming at me, saying he hated me. Finally he disclosed that he saw his Dad leave last week (h came back 10 minutes later) I said that sometimes adults have arguements and he has nothing to worry about. He just kept calling me a liar. I finally settled him down and we watched a film together. I wasn't going to, but i spoke to H about it, he said he was glad i told him. He said we need to make sure he's okay. H also asked me to give him time....I've already given him a year. He's very depressed at the moment, maybe he's in ow withdrawal stage.. My other son has been out of sorts this week too. It was horrible to see the kids hurting, however it has given me more determination to patch this family back together.
It's such a shame because we hadn't argued near the children for months. It goes to show, it only takes one row to rock their little worlds.
the book is warming up. I'm hoping to watch the film next week. I've been reading some of your posts. You really have been through the mill.(i'm sorry) You said that your marriage is happy now. How long did it take and when did you know he was coming back to you. Although i'm keen to keep the family together. He's hurt me so badly now and lied and lied(and still lying). I'm starting to not want to be with him. If it wasn't for my lovely kids. I would have happily gone ages ago. I feel trapped. I do care about him, but he has always been controlling and manipulative.
I seem to be having problems receiving my posts. I've got 2, but i can't seem to retrieve them. When i log in whats the quickest way to access them. I'm not sure if i'm pressing the right buttons.
