Sometimes I think you need to put a scare into em....it definitely sent him a message. Cancelling the atty meeting is totally appropriate if you feel it was the right thing to do.
One thought....what would your H say if you asked if he'd consider selling the OW's business? Maybe tell him it hurts you to know he still sees her (even innocently) and it will always be a bit of a wedge. Make sure he knows it's not a demand, but would he do it for you? If he declines, say OK and DROP it! Again, just a thought...
Quote: One thought....what would your H say if you asked if he'd consider selling the OW's business? Maybe tell him it hurts you to know he still sees her (even innocently) and it will always be a bit of a wedge.
I did make mention of it last tues night (I think that was the night or maybe friday) but I didn't use the stance that it hurts me...because honestly it will hurt him more.
asked him how he felt when plowing her driveway...if it was hard for him to not stop and say hi...or call her etc...he said well ya know.
it is not for my own feelings that I want her gone...it is for his...he does not need to be sucked into that again..does not need to have her call "oh I need this done, or that done" just needs to not have that connection...I say the rest of the houses on the street as well because it is a little culdisac..so being at any of the other 5 would give the same reaction. I made mention of selling them to another company...(first time I've put it that way rather than just saying drop them) the decision will have to be up to him...
I know that if he's been working at her house or on her street even if he doesn't talk to her or see her...it will be on his mind (more so than a normal day) and will effect the way he acts with me...causing...well a big ole mess!!
I explained all this to him...non demanding...empathetic...considerately etc.
no decision on the matter yet!!
h wants to talk to my c again...but didn't make an appointment because he didn't want to take his time if I wanted one myself...I let him know he could use the time..I've been talking to the guy every week or every other week since june so...I'll wait a few weeks.
h called me "dear" ??????
I then walked by him a litte later and said you called me dear? he said yeah...is that bad??? I said no not at all...
it is hard to hear him call the kids...honey..sweetie...and all kinds of other affectionate names...when the most affectionate name I get called by him is mamma or the full version of my name. do dear is nice. used to be sweatheart long ago..but now dd is sweatheart.
Things sound like they are still going ok..I know what you mean by the names..guess h never had a name really for me..but calls our d "babe"..I know it sounds kinda dirty written but it is not, and he always gives her a big hug...oh why won't he try it with me..afraid he might like it??? Glad your h went to c and that he said he will go again.. Take care Sue
can I just vent for a second... I get annoyed with h's buddie..they talk every day...always on the cell phone together..buddie calls they shoot the crap for a while while I detain the kiddos for as long as I can...till finally son is trying to climb over the gate to get to h wanting him to play...so finally h gets off the phone giving the buddie the I'll call you back later...he laughs and is cheery when talking to buddie..yes they talk football weather and who knows what. it seems buddie is his new love...he has known buddie since they were kids..but has only recently started to talk to him this often...yes it is good that he has a friend..but this is the buddie that he has taken off on sat night after spending no time with me to go out with...buddie is married but his wife works alot...buddie is a father but only one child who is 11...buddie does not have the same life or current circumstances that h has...
where is my buddie??? I have friends but I don't put them before h.
Right there with you girl!! W has consistently over the last 2 years moved me down the totem pole - supplanting me with her friends (who I now refer to as TF or Toxic Friends).
H needs to look at his priorities - Where does M fit? Where do kids fit? Where does buddie fit? Where does God fit? Maybe a topic for the C to address - certainly not you - H wouldn't listen to your 'spin' on how you see it.
I know for my own M, it will never be a living breathing functional sitch until W realizes how she placed all these other people ahead me - the person she vowed her love and trust to. Don't get me wrong, I don't begrudge W friends, I just feel W let her priorities get a little out of kilter.
thanks for stopping by greg...yes I have been second all along to one thing or another...sad but true..perhaps that is the way it will always be.
something off with h tonight?? or is it my own dis ease due to his having been at c tonight...am I expecting something and therefore acting uncomfortably?? does h pick up on this and keep away??? who the hell knows...
tommorow I go to get my hair cut..will be dragging along both kiddos...h has an appointment so he can't help with son..oh well...at least the hair dresser is one of my childhood friends and knows my whole family so to bring the kids is ok with her...infact she likes to see them. can you believe I drive 40 miles to get my hair cut??? faithfull aren't I?? maybe just crazy!! good thing I don't get my hair cut all that often.
h is out at his truck....was going out mentioned something about moving sand or something...I was surprized when I heard the truck start and even more surprized to see it go down the drive way...he's back up by the garage but it's still running..his cell phone (well one of em anyway) is on the fridge so not talking to buddie...don't know what he's doing...oh well I'll go about my business...to tired to get to that craft thing...eyes don't feel like reading..so suppose I'll sit in front of the fire...watch a show and then go to bed..
made a nice dinner...meatloaf, dilled carrots, corn, mashed potatoes and dessert....check out the recipie on the back of a bag of diamond walnuts...yummmy!!! rolled oats brown sugar butter...chocolate chips..walnuts and caramel!!! mmmmmmm!! hope h eats it all fast cause it's too good...I don't want it hanging around for me to eat.
Hey LL, Your H and mine definitely have something in common. Ever since I had my kids, everyone and everything else has come before me and my M. Then when the bomb drops, he blames part of it on me spending all my time and energy with the kids! WTF!!! They want it all, it's just hard to be it all. How old are the kiddos? I have 2 under 3. Craziness!!
Erin
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."
-George Bernard Shaw
LL, FOUND YA! I didn't get caught up with new thread yet, just wanted to say HI. I'll catch up tonight, gotta get to work! DR says when spouse wants to come back, take it slow and easy. LL maybe you're overdoing it, but if it's working, ----------------
