GISH - I wouldn't talk to him. He is already on the way out and you may risk upsetting your wife so much that even if she splits with OM she won't come back to you because she will think you have betrayed her and she cannot trust you.
Also, he sounds very manipulative, nasty and not so clever. I think he will dare you to follow through and you already said you don't want to sue him. Also your son may get to find out. I think this is a last resort thing for if your wife definately decides she wants to be with him. At the moment that doesn't seem to be the case. He is managing to upset your W all by himself. I would expect him to get only more aggressive and unpleasant over time. Really GISH, OM is shooting himself in the foot.
You have to look to yourself and make yourself an attractive alternative to OM. Look at what was wrong in your M that made your W willing to look elsewhere and sort that out. That is your priority. OM will get rid of himself - no doubt about it.
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Saffie, I can't thank you and EVERYONE on here enough. But the case is she DOES want to be with him. Yes she says she is confused and yes he is saying some things she doesn't like. And yes she said sometimes she doesn't know if she wants to continue BUT IT comes back to she still says she has feelings for him and still loves him. So I should still use this as a last resort even though I feel they can become closer the longer it goes on and the more they can see they still have feelings even after "fighting"
Thank you everyone. I want to make sure I am clear. The ONLY THING I WANT OUT OF THIS IS MY WIFE. I do NOT want to sue anyone. The only reason I even thought about this is to get HIM to break it off with her. I'm just trying to push him away, I would NEVER really try to sue him. Just want to plant it in his head. She's already felt hurt and pizzed off about some of his comments towards her and she says she sometimes feels she shouldn't bother with him. I thought because they were starting to have disagreements that it would be an oppourtune time to throw a monkey wrench in his plans. I LOVE MY WIFE AND WANT HER BACK and I thought this may be a way. But I'm glad everyone is telling me what to watch out for because I'm clouded by emotion.
Gish, I know you want your wife back, but remember you only really want her back if she wants to come back. Forcing her back will not make either of you happy. Like I've read before when you try to force them back, they become like Romeo and Juliet. It's them against all of the the people who just don't understand.
Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I too live in NC. And I too have considered this legal action -- it's called Alienation of Affection, and is still an option in this (and a handful of other) states.
However, as others have tried to explain, this is what I would consider to be the Nuclear Option.
If you take this route, you can be pretty much sure the marriage is over, and the relationship will henceforth be hostile. Don't even consider it except as the last-last-last-last-last resort. And if you have kids, then it can create such a negative environment that you end up harming them. It is not to be taken lightly.
In my case I would never exercise such a response unless W tried to take my S's away. I would rather put in the extra effort and work real hard to make sure she never considers doing so (there are times she really worries me.)
GISH: Man, this takes time and patience. It appears that you only recently started the DBing program. I have been doing it since May, and I consider myself a greenhorn.
Here is how I see it. I assume that your wife knows that you can take action against her boyfriend, and she knows that you know this as well. I am of the opinion that she will think more of you if you do not file. Filing suit is an act of desparation. Acting cool and under control and focusing on you will make you more attractive to her. Confidence is attractive. Be able to say, "Yeah, I coulda taken him to court, but I knew you would come around."
At the moment she may think she wants to be with him but gradually he is eroding her confidence in him. Him will continue to do that. C'mon, If he can't be nice NOW what is he going to be like in a few weeks. Sexually frustated still and getting nastier. Believe me GISH what your wife see's in him at the moment is not real. She is looking at him through rose tinted glasses. She has to try with him to justify the pain she is causing to you and your son. But really - OM is no option. Act on things you can control. If you go forward with the conversation with OM things will spiral out of your control and gain a momentum of there own.
Look not ONE person on here has said that is a good route to follow. Pease pay heedance to all the advice. Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
NCB and Saffie, Thanks I'm glad everyone is telling me how badly it could make things. I guess the question I had, would it make him break it off with her WITHOUT him telling her I had called him. It sounds like everyone thinks my wife would find out I threatened him with that even though I only did it to plant it in HIS head. I was hoping that he would keep his mouth shut and NOT run to her and tell her
Please, stop focusing on things that you cannot control!!!!
You can't control what he tells her. You can't control what he doesn't tell her. You can't control when he sees her. You can't control what they do together.
