Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Divorced, But Not Done D Coming...can't let go just yet..

I guess as I watch from a loving distance I see the connection my STBXW and OM have. They are both hiding behind masks of unresolved issues. Of course, that could be me adding significance to something that isn't there.

She tells me, what little I see of her, which is by my choice, that they aren't getting too serious yet. One thing I did discover indirectly that, in a morbid way makes me laugh, is that this OM who is 23 (my STBXW is 32), has no sex drive. I even found the little blue pills on the counter. Now you need to understand she is a very sexual person, for this to happen, she must have found something worth keeping him around for. I fear this will be a symptom of future concern after the glow wears off.

Its only been 6 weeks since they got together, but she doesn't seem to care about him the way I thought she would by now. Funny though, she still seems reserved around me, like she can't say the wrong thing or be herself around me for guilt or fear or something, I suppose.

As I let go more and more, I see the further I came along by dealing with my emotions head-on, while she seems to justify herself by either hiding or covering them up with OM. Either way, I see myself as the more victorious person in this whole thing as far as stability goes.

Do I wish she would wake from this madness? Absolutely. I just get a bad feeling about all this for her, but I know she will find that out on her own.

Hi Chevelle,

I've been reading your postings and like most others on this board yours is similar to mine - MLC and OM. We were divorced on 8/24/07. We were married for 12 years and I feel like I don't even know her any more. I know I have been a big part of the problem, but she just seems so incredibly selfish now. We have 3 daughters and they seem to be the last of her worries. I too wish she would wake up from her fantasy that she has been living.

I have become a much better person as a result of this. I'm going to a church retreat tomorrow night. My relationship with God has been a huge part of my healing. I know the pain will eventually go away, but it still seems to come and go in waves. I've accepted that whatever happens is all in God's time. I hope and pray that my ex and I can work it out someday.

Take Care,

P42

Thanks, Possible. I hope too that my M can someday workout. But I also know I cant watch paint dry waiting.
But, I also know that God will find the answer for me no matter what and my healing has also made me a better person.

I just hope my answer will come soon. I have seen the pieces of the plan slowly fall into place for me, I just need to find patience in order for Him to complete it so I can see what lies ahead.

I try to keep my chin up, and for the most part I do. I have my days like anyone else in my sitch. I keep praying for the answers to come each night.

God Bless

Chevelle

Well, things don't seem too well for the W and OM. Evidentally, OM still has some type of hang-up feelings for his STBXW when she comes around. W even told me that they have split up 8 or 9 times and he has taken her back 8 or 9 times.

I know I shouldn't dwell on this, but the entire week she has dealt with this, she has contacted me more than she ever has. Wonder if it is the "old reliable Chevelle to talk to." She always was able to share everything with me more than anyone else.

I even get to see her on occasion. It is hard to see her because I feel a deep, unconditional love for her, but I don't feel I have to have her to make my life complete. The problem lies in that, I want her back, but wish I had the magical cure. She admits she doesn't know what the future holds, but never counted us out as being together again. Sigh.

Just clearing my head. I do well when I don't see her, and then she calls and my heart flutters like a schoolboy. Oh well, I guess I haven't fully detached yet. But I honestly do feel I'm 90 percent there.

I have been setting boundaries, so I don't become a doormat, or sucker as she put it sarcastically. She is realizing I'm not a sucker anymore. i am GALing better now than I was two months ago.

Good to hear you are doing well Chevelle. Your W, like so many WAS's on this forum sounds confused.

It is so difficult to keep your composure when they contact you. Tomorrow I will have to do just that as I will be meeting my WAW in order to get my name off her cell phone plan without having to change my # and incur fees that would be associated if I did not have her with me to sign the paperwork. Anyway, I am picking her up at her new residence (lives in a condo with her sister) and then will treat her to lunch (her birthday is next week). Hopefully, it will be enjoyable.

Anyway, I copied the article titled "while your spouse decides" from the main page of this site and read it from time-to-time. If you have not done so, give it a read. It is by some guy who decided to take the high road and remain best friends with his WAW. It seems as if you are also taking that road. I also try, but it is sometimes so difficult.

Hope you and everyone has a great weekend!