I'm so happy for you. Sounds like things have been as good as possible since you were on last. Nice that you were able to hold W even though she was upset.
Nice to have the kiss & cuddles. We had that yesterday morning and intimacy this morning. I'd love both at the same time, but I'll take what I can for now.
I know 2 weeks seems like a long time, but it will go fast. My H is going out of town in 3 weeks, again with his brother. He hasn't asked me to do anything for him this time and I haven't offered. I'm sure he'll wait until the last minute.
I am thinking of you.
Have a good week.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
OK, back to earth with a bump. W very negative today (bad nights sleep - I kept cuddling up and placing my hand in an intimate place) and started questioning everything again. She is so confused - a male person at work has been becoming more and more friendly (unwanted I might add) and this seems to be weighing heavy on her.
Stated that when work colleague or I touched her, she cringed and she didn't know why as we are both good people. She shed tears and stated that she was unsure about going on holiday, but was only going for the children. She is also feeling hemmed in when she returns home from work - What, Should I leave as soon as she appears?
So, where do we go from here? I listened to what she had to say, didn't make any waves and walked away from the conversation. She is now at work and I know what I would like to do tonight, which is give her a relaxing massage and if anything else happens, go with the flow.
She admitted that she enjoyed the intimacy last week and was not sure why it was different this week.
Maybe I should just chalk this down to her own rollercoaster and act 'as if'. Not sure if the massage will be accepted, but I feel that I should make the offer and shrug it off if it gets rejected.
Also said I was there to listen if she wanted to talk - she says there is so much going on in her head at the moment. When we were watching TV last night, she made some odd comments - politician was talking about the family and she reacted negatively 'forcing people to stay married' and 'I didn't have a happy family life'.
HELP, I need some tlc to help me continue this fight.
Keep in mind that you still have some time before Holiday right? I'm not saying you have to leave when she gets home, but maybe a quick conversation & then some space would help her.
The thing with the guy at work? I think you should be supportive and just listen to her on that. Sounds like she feels a little "hemmed in" at work now too because of this person. Maybe a little space & friendship at home would help ease that tension.
She said she enjoyed the intimacy last week......AWESOME. So she didn't feel as good this week. That's okay. She's just going up and down with some emotions. That's not to say that it won't come back to feeling good or even better for her soon.
Maybe offer the massage, but don't be upset if she rejects it. You're right.....act "as if" and just be there if she needs you.
Here's a boat load of TLC coming your way....(((((HUGS))))).
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Pamar, its great that she is opening up to you about what is bothering her. She could just have been in that sour mood and said "Nothing's wrong" or worse, started a fight with you. I think she is feeling crowded at work by this unwelcome advance (albeit you said he is a nice person, just likes your W). You did everything right.
"As if" tonight and just be very friendly and helpful. Tell her you hope she is feeling better. I think even as great as its going for you guys, it'll still be a bumpy ride from time to time.
I tried, but I couldn't think of anything good for PMT. Pre-monthly tantrums?
Saffie, If I have my dates right, then that would not be until next week, so don't think so. I really don't know, W keeps saying 'I don't want you to get the wrong meaning' from the intimacy. She was extremely upset after the last time (relax, I'm not that good) and I think she is finding it very hard to handle.
SueS/lwb,
Being a listening/supportive guy and trying to rah, rah her when she tells me about her day.
I think (and I am purely guessing here) is that she wants other people to make the hard decisions for her (leaving, changing work). She is constantly thinking about everything and almost wants everything sorted now (but I don't think she knows how).
A lot of this stems abck to her childhood, the way she was treated by her parents and being unable to ask her mother why (she died 4 years ago).
I am really trying, but it is getting so hard not to snap back and remind her that she was the one that strayed (don't worry, I won't). Thinking of sending a letter similar to husband's, but don't think the time is right at the moment. I don't think she has accessed her secret email account recently (certainly not from our home computer) and I am also tempted to send it to that.
I have had plenty of opportunity to access her phone, but why bother - if he is calling, he is calling.
I know this sounds like a bit of a downer email, but I am trying to understand her issues and support her. Yes she is talking to me and sharing her problems, but sometimes I feel that she is still biding her time (stupid I know).
On the plus side, I have known for 6 months, she has not seen OP in 4 months and there is no leaving talk.
So, big breath, friendly support and smiles tonight and the offer of a free massage with no strings (though I do get to see her naked LOL).
I think offering the massage is a good idea, let he decide if she wants it. But if she doesn't I'm sure there are plenty of us ladies on here would be willing to accept a good massage. Ahhh....
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
