Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Get me on a smoother ride....need advice - part 3

Sue,
Just hang in there. We are here for you.

Yoyo

Yoyo-

Thank you!

I do truly appreciate the support. I envy some people on this board for being further along in the process than I am. But I also feel for those who are where I am or who just found out about things. I just have a hard time understanding why there are so many of us that have to hurt like this.

I just ask myself why. I guess I'm in that stage right now. Why me? Why now? Why can't I get....as my thread says.....on a smoother ride?

I'm just tired. ......but I'll be damned if I'm going to give up. I still have a lot of fight left in me. Maybe too much at some times because I want to punch OW really, really hard!! Don't get me wrong........I'm by no means a violent person, but I'm just angry. Like others on this board (lwb comes to mind) OW is someone that I know......someone that I've spent time around.......someone who looked me in the face, talked to me, smiled at me.....etc. and the whole time knew damn well what was going on between her & my H. And I was clueless to it all!! I just keep going over and over in my mind things that I might have said to her.

SueS

SueS,

Hang in there, I know it hurts, but don't show any weakness (that will magnify his weakness).

Screaming and shouting does not work, so be politely loving is the best policy.

We're all there for you.

Sue,

I used to have visions of walking up to OW when she was coming back from lunch and smashing a cream pie in her face.... of course I'd like to do something more drastic, but at least the pie would be less likely to put me in jail and she'd look quite attractive for the day (I'd make sure to do it on a day when she had an important meeting she couldn't miss!).

>>My H ALWAYS talked about his friend Cheryl from work. He NEVER talked about OW<<

That's typical. Affairs begin and flourish in secrecy. Even if he had mentioned OW in the beginning, once the relationship felt important to him, he would have stopped talking about her. Unfortunately, it's the people they don't talk about, and the closeness in that relationship, that you have to worry more about.

By the way, what are your work schedules? How much time do you and your husband spend together?

ROOT-

Well, our schedules just changed at the end of June. I work 8-5 and H works, M & F-10-7pm & T-W-Th-12-9pm. It's not horrible and he wanted to see if he could change one of his late days to another 10-7. That would be great. I was so excited when his schedule changed and we'd been spending a lot more time together.....having dinner together on M & Fr. & then doing something on the weekends. My parents come in as often as they can and babysit for us, so we don't get out as often together as we'd like, but we do get out.

HOWEVER......for almost a year & 1/2, I had 8-5, while he'd work from 5/5:30-11:30 pm. For a long time, that was M-Fr., so we had NO time for the two of us. The A had to have started in early June because he started his new job end of June & that was in a different building & even suburb from where she works.

Just looking for an opinion........

For those of you who know what's been going on the past week......is it better for me to buy DR or Five Languages of Love? I want to buy both, but want to buy the one I'll benefit most from first.

I read DR 6 years ago, but I don't know what I did with it and I want to make sure I should read that, DB or another book.

Thanks-

SueS

IMO... DR. Without question.

DBing is not about saving marriages as much as it is about saving the dignity of LBS's. In your particular sitch, you are probably not ready for Languages, but you would benefit greatly from a refresher in DBing. It will help you rebuild yourself and if you follow the DB plan, you will be in a much better position regardless of where your marriage ends up.

Again... just my opinion...

Mark- Okay, the light bulb may seem a little dim when I ask this question, but you said....DR without question, but then said that I'd benefit from a refresher in DBing and to follow the DB plan.

So, DR or DB?

Thanks- Sue

As I understand it the book Divorcebusting is out-of-print. I believe that Divorce Remedy is the only "divorcebusting" book available. I remember reading that Divorce Remedy is Michelle's re-write of Divorcebusting.

So for the purposes of this board the abbreviation DB refers to the act of "busting up" a divorce (primarily using LRT).

OK, somebody tell me I'm waaaay off base here...

I bought DB this summer...I didn't even know there was a follow up. DB is still available on amazon, and it was avail at the bookstore I ended up getting it at.

Sue, I haven't read the 5 languages, so can't help you there. I do have both DB and DR (bought DR just a few weeks ago). I like that DR has an infidelity section. helps.