Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Get me on a smoother ride....need advice - part 3

You know what sues.. you have a right to feel whatever you feel.. you can't control everything and you DO have a right to be pissed. Don't call him if you can help it, let him do the calling and I don't think you did such a bad job today.. keep it short and to the point.


You are doing better than you think. Yes he should be taking out his problems with you, not somebody else, you are supposed to be his confidant not her.. duh.. He's clueless.. That's what marriage is about and you may want to tell him next time that, that is part of being married is confiding in eachother, no judgements, no pressure.

Thinking of you..

TAL

TAL-

Thanks again. I don't know what I'd do without everyone's support. Everyone is so AMAZING to me. I do like your suggestion of telling him......no judgments, no pressure. I wish I'd thought of that.

I think I'll go pick up my table/chairs tonight. That will make me feel better.

SueS

Sue, oh man. I feel for you. I would let the rest of this week go on and just try to relax, focus on leaving this weekend. And you might remember, my H still to this day goes back to 'we are friends' when trying to justify the relationship. Its pathetic actually. Finally, this last talk we had, he admitted "We were friends", instead of 'are', and realizes it can't go back to that, no matter how much he misses it. I told him he wouldn't have had to miss anything if they hadn't gotten carried away.

I am so sorry. I know the stage you are in and I don't envy you. Please try to take your anger (there will be a lot) and turn it into a crazy game of tag with your D3. It helps, even if it feels forced. Time passes no matter what you do, may as well spend it with D3, and 'as if' your H, polite but pulled back a bit.

lwb-

Thanks. I am trying to think about this weekend. It's tough though. My oldest niece (Soph in college) called tonight. She wasn't planning on coming home, but since we'll be there, she might drive to a town 45 minutes from school where I can pick her up on my way home. She'll ride with me the rest of the way home & then her boyfriend will drop her off at her car on the way back to school. She's such a sweetheart and loves our D3 to death.

I did make sure that D3 got to talk to H tonight before she went to bed. I don't think it's fair to her for me not to call. He asked what I was doing and I told him I was putting furniture together. I said....well, I only have 1 chair done and I wanted D3 to talk to you before bed, so I'll let you go. H got home from work about 30 minutes ago, putzed around for 10 minutes and left to go workout. I asked him to sit and try out the new table & chairs, but he didn't respond. Maybe it was my actual question now that I think about it. I actually said....H, can you sit down for just a second and tell me what you think. Kind of a dumb way to put it on my part! He never did say one word to me. I'm proud of myself though. I went to the store, had them load the table/chairs, I brought it all in myself & put it all together myself. Just 4 chairs and an easy table, but I still did it all on my own.

I'm tired tonight, yet I don't feel like I can fall asleep. I might hit a warm bath to see if that helps. I haven't eaten much today either, so I feel queezy. Hey, I guess I could look on the only bright side to this......maybe that 10-15 lbs. will come off now quicker than I thought! Just trying to do my best tonight to see any bright side to this whole damn mess.

Guess I'll head off for that bath tonight and then hit the hay.

Have a good evening.

SueS

Oh the weight will fly off, but promise me when you DO eat, it'll be healthy, and you will take vitamins. I know the whole 'no appetite' thing.

Even if you can't sleep, get in bed and read or watch TV. H seems a bit angry/put off. Give him some space, I know its hard. Don't even ask him to try the new furniture. He will see the furniture and try if he wants. I just know my H felt so smothered, even with the most ridiculous things! I am so sorry, but it'll be ok.

sues,

I hope today is a better day for you. make sure you EAT!!! I don't want to have to fly over there and feed you myself. No seriously, I know about not eating because of stress and its not good. I force myself to because i just feel horrible if I don't plus im hypoglycemic, so I have to eat frequently.

I hope you have a good day today, my d4 is sick so no school again today...


Tal

lwb & tal-

It makes me feel so good to get on in the morning and see your responses.

I did take that hot bath last night. As soon as I hit the warm water, I was tired. In fact, it took a lot for me to get up and get out of the water. I got to bed, put some music on and started to fall asleep. I heard H come home from working out (earlier than normal) and I must have fallen back asleep after that. I woke up about 5:15 to D3 calling me from her room. She was so sweet. She wanted me to cover her up and get her puppy. I love watching her sleep with that puppy. lwb....I bought her that puppy at the St. Louis airport while I was waiting for a flight back to Chicago. I had to go to our Corp. office for business. She was only about 10 months old, but she loves that puppy. I got her back to sleep, changed my alarm so I could sleep another 1/2 hour. H was close to me.....not hugging his side of the bed. I didn't roll away, but stayed put. Just laying there feeling his warmth was nice.

Going to be a long day. I think the numbness & empty feeling is setting in. H works until 9:00 pm tonight, so I don't know if I'll hear from him or see him at all.

I need to get back to work.

Thanks again!

SueS

One thing.......D3 has been asking a lot lately if she can have a brother or sister. Yesterday she told me that she decided what her new sister's name will be. I asked her where her new sister was going to come from. She said...your belly mommy.

sues,

Your doing great, keep up the good work. Hot baths are always nice.. But right now its too hot here to think about that.

kids are funny, My d4 always asked me for another, but he wants a girl this time...

tal

SueS,

Keep on riding the storm, you are doing great.

My S7 wants another, but he wants an older brother - quite happy to swap our D5 for one also.

Keep acting 'as if' and let him come to you.