It is often after D that reality hits and the WAS realises just what a massive mistake they have made. Then it's just a question of whether the LBS wants them back after all the damage they have caused, and on what terms.
(((((hugs)))))
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Again I appreciate everyone's responses. I can understand what everyone is saying but my emotions and heart can not. I've seen a therpists for a few weeks and it has not helped. People can say I should be like a man and I'm acting ridiculus but I can't help the way I feel. I am spiraling out of control. My wife is moving out on Friday and I just wish someone would take me out of my mysery. Financially my family would be better if I wasn't in the picture. Death is scary but I don't know if it's worse than all the pain I am in. As it gets closer to her moving out day, the anxiety and fear becomes worse and I just feel that I'm drowing and panicing.
Are you a man of faith? If so what you speak of would ruin you afterlife also. You need to seek out help! Like now! Whatever you did you will be forgiven. You can't change what happened but you can change how you handle things from now on! Be what you can for your kids! You survived before your wife you will survive after if that is what happens.
God Bless! Please know you can't run from issues, face them and deal with them! Get help when you need it and know you will be okay it just takes time!
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
I hadn't previosly been very religious but I have cried and prayed to God lately because I've been falling apart. I know I've survived before my wife but she has been so much a part of my life for 22 years that I can't turn that off. I personally felt that husband and wife become like one. So yes I survived before my wife, but being together all these years changes everything and she is not only my wife but actually now part of me and I'm sorry but I can't let that go. Just picturing her with someone else breaks my soul and my spirit.
Just picturing her with someone else breaks my soul and my spirit.
So stop picturing it. Whenever that thought enters your head IMMEDIATELY think of a big red stop sign and think of something else. Your children, a bright sunny morning, the thought of holding your W and ML with her in the future.
At the moment you are giving up and doing yourself no favours. You are wallowing in your guilt and the past. This will achieve nothing apart from driving your wife away.
I have been where you are. I am not being heartless. I am trying to help you. It does hurt. It really sucks.If you want to change it you have to start with yourself first. Thoughts about ending yourself do no good what so ever - I am living breathing proof of that. I caused so much pain to my parents and my children.
Please get a grip. GO SEE A THERAPIST AND A PSYCHIATRIST. GET YOURSELF ON SOME MEDICATION TO HELP BALANCE YOU OUT. YOU CAN GET DRUGS THAT WILL COUNTERACT THE IMMEDIATE PANIC ATTACKS YOU ARE GETTING WHILST THE LONGER ACTING DRUGS ARE COMING INTO EFFECT. YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
GIH, you have got to get it together. I know this hurts. We all know how much this hurts.
But you mentioned children -- think of them. If nothing else -- think of your children. Whatever happens, your kids need their father. You have to find that strength within yourself to carry on, for their sake. It's going to be extremely difficult road for them should your marriage end and the family be split up -- it will be incredibly damaging to their lives if their father is not there for them.
Yes, this situation is horribly, horribly devastating, but you will live -- for your kids and other loved ones, you must. I, myself, went into this with the blackest of depressions already weighing on me, and I have thought that this betrayal by my W was going to put me over the edge. But when you put things in better perspective, you realize that you are not the only victim in this unfolding tragedy -- think of them. Be there for them.
I strongly suggest you seek out counseling. If your employer has some form of EAP (Employee Assistance Program) you might be able to get a referral -- please take advantage of that. If you feel any religious or spiritual leanings, please seek out clergy or friends who can give you referrals. Some religious organizations also have counseling services or affiliations with such services.
Previously? Why has that changed? Yes our spouses are a part of us as is our family. People die, people divorce, families just don't talk sometimes! Hang in there, trust me when I say it may be dark now, but it gets better. Takes time!
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
Listen to Mark and Saffie. They are giving you golden advice.
Here's what I want from you: get angry. Not violent, just angry.
Find your raw, male strength and tap into it.
Your wife is screwing another man and wants to leave you for him.
Are you going to roll over an allow them to mock you?
You can be stronger and better than you are.
The more pathetic, sad and miserable you act, the worse it gets, and the more she'll feel justified in kicking you while you're down. Yes, she'll do that.
When I was mess -- someone from this board called me and asked me a simple question: Picture yourself at 75. Do you want to be broke, alone and miserable? Because that's where you are headed with your attitude.
Going, There was a documentary done on the Golden Gate bridge and the people that have committed suicide by jumping. There were people that survived it. They were asked what thoughts they had at the moment they leaped and the one that sums it up perfectly is "I realized that everything in my life was fixable except for the fact that I just jumped off this bridge". Big price to pay for some perspective don't you think Going?
SingleAgain I understand what you are saying. I see a doctor tommorow. I wouldn't jump off a bridge, I admit I would be too scared for that but I do think about less painful ways to go. I admit I need help and am sorry for acting the way I do. It's just right now I can't get over my wife leaving and/or being with a OM. I'm hoping the doctor can do something for me. Most of the time it seems that everyone would be better if I went to sleep and never woke up. I feel hopeless and not sure if there will be any hope for my wife to come back. That's the only thing that keeps me going is the chance she will come back. I would totally lose it if the year passes and she files for divorce and remarries this OM at some point. As long as there is a chance, there is part of me wanting to keep alive but I don't know what I will do 1 yr from now if she files for divorce
