Thanks Have Faith. So you wouldn't worry about the friends only comment right now???? ME: 44 WIFE: 43 Son: 9 Daughter: 18 Together: 22 yrs Married: 21 yrs Wife asked for separation: July 15 2007 Wife moving out: September 21 2007
No. There are stages in reconciliation and you can't jump from the 1st stage to the last one without going through the middle. The middle if the friendship stage. I think you need to get to that stage and stay in it for awhile. Remember all relationships start out as friendships. I think you and your W have forgotten how to be each others friends. I know me and my H did. We are now friends again and this is building to what I hope to be a wonderful, beautiful and lasting marriage. I will never take our friendship for granted again.
Learn from each stage of your recovery and remember you have to be patient. You can not push it along. Each time you try to, you will find that for the two steps you have taken forward, you have now taken one back. I found this out after trying to speed up the process.
Now is the time for you. You need to focus on who you want to be and becoming that person.
Good Luck Going. I know how it hurts and really it does get better. I believe that God is growing us in our faith and asking us to trust in him. We grow from our trials and he is teaching us now. Learn from this experience.
Faith
H 48 W 57 M 15 yrs T 18 yrs No children EA 1/12/06 Moved out 3/10/07 & 8/16/07 Back on 5/18/07 2nd Thread
Yeah, Faith is spot on. Take it from me don't jump to the couple stage. If your skeptical this will stick then good! After what you been through you'd be lying to yourself not to be skeptical. Be prepared for the reconciliation to go either way and so lowering your expectations. Through this all you will be stronger. Good luck and check back with us.
H 30 (me) W 28 Married 9 yrs 2 children EA found out on 7/5/07 ILYBNILWY 8/25/07 The unexamined life is not worth living -Socrates
Saffie, Am tring to keep PMA up. Some days are good, some not so good. My W baterley talks to at all! She will not even help enforce visitation. Since my kids are older, the courts are not going to be of much help. She began alienting me form the children about six months before she left.
I get to to see the children about 5 hours a week and I have Joint Custody. W told me it was my problem I needed to work out scheduling with the kids. She does not want to be bothered with it.
I talked to her for 2 minutes tonight about scheduling time with the kids (I work second shift). I made the critical error of asking her if we could sit down at a resturant, have a soda adn talk through a few things. She said no. I asked her if it was because it was me that was asking (she has been dating other men). She said no, it's because we are getting a divorce.
I am going to join some groups in the area and meet new people. Will continue to work on PMA. Tommorow I will go to church and spend alot of time praying that she will reconsider. I am not going to ask her out again, because I do not need the rejection. I am getting used to her not being around, and she was miserable to live with the last year she was in the house....I'm sure I was not much fun either.
I keep thinking, what was it that attracted her to me. I think I had a sense of humor at the time. She has just left a very abusive relationship and I am sure she welcomed being appreciated having a new man interested in her. I, also, think she thought I was going to save from her troubles and provide an great living for her, so she could stay home and raise kids. I did meet her expectaions of "the perfect marriage". So she fighured if i hwas unable to provide it after 25 years, she would just leave and be happy the rest of her life. Once she drops people out her life, it is a done deal. I saw her do it to her first husband, her father, and her sister.
Our communicatiion skills were terrible and that set off a string of affairs early in our marriage. I was the guilty party. I saw how bad I hurt her and will never let that happen in any relationship I am involved in.
I am beginning to make friends with some of the females I worked with years ago. They retrun my calls and we laugh about old time and memories. That feels good.
So, I am trying to GAL, but I really want my wife and family back. Not because I need her...because I want to be with her. I want to have her and the kids back home.
My T told me that she is gone and is not coming back. Also, told me that my W was very shrewd and I needed to protect my interests. I have to do that while I am still praying that she will come back home.
I do not send flowers, gifts, or bug her about the divorce (anymore). She has had seven months of "time alone". She does not need any more space. Maybe it is best if I just do not not talk to her at all. But then how will she see my PMA work and all the other DB stuff? She even gets mad when I buy the kinds new shoes, because she wants to show them that they do not need Dad's help (other that child support).
Safie thanks for asking. This has been a horrible week. My spirit and will have been broken. My W did move out on Friday. She was upset that the OM wasn't able to help and was a mad at him but was very appreciative that I helped her the entire weekend with the move. I setup her TV's, DVD, etc. Helped her the entire time. On Friday night her phone was working and she said I could stay there that night because of not having a phone. I thanked her and was happy to stay there. She is being pulled in 2 directions. Part of her is glad she is own her on and part of her isn't. HERE IS MY NEW PROBLEM. I gave her a relationship letter last night. I didn't once ask her to come home in letter and made it clear it was entirely her decision what she decides to do and I wouldn't beg her, BUT I wrote 3 pages on how much I love her, how sorry I am for my mistakes but I need her to know how much I care so she can make a decision at least with no doubt where I stand. She emailed me about it today and said there was ALOT OF STUFF she had to tell me after reading the letter. PLEASE HELP ME, DOES ANYONE THINK THAT IS BAD NEWS OR GOOD NEWS? AND DID THE LETTER HURT ANY CHANCES?
Going, You did the right thing helping her move. This is a plus in your column. The OM is going to cut bait and run. Bet on it. If it was anything like a Dobson letter don't sweat it. Whatever she tells you, YOU LISTEN! Let her speak her mind and process it later. What you do not want to do is apply pressure. Pressure = more distance. Your goal is space. No more letters. You said what you had to say and now let it lie. She knows where you stand. Keep cool and calm.
Going, You did the right thing helping her move. This is a plus in your column. The OM is going to cut bait and run. Bet on it. If it was anything like a Dobson letter don't sweat it. Whatever she tells you, YOU LISTEN! Let her speak her mind and process it later. What you do not want to do is apply pressure. Pressure = more distance. Your goal is space. No more letters. You said what you had to say and now let it lie. She knows where you stand. Keep cool and calm.
Going, You did the right thing helping her move. This is a plus in your column. The OM is going to cut bait and run. Bet on it. If it was anything like a Dobson letter don't sweat it. Whatever she tells you, YOU LISTEN! Let her speak her mind and process it later. What you do not want to do is apply pressure. Pressure = more distance. Your goal is space. No more letters. You said what you had to say and now let it lie. She knows where you stand. Keep cool and calm.
