Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis H wants D

H and family went out to a fancy-schmancy restaurant last night.

I imagine OW went, too. And H froze me out this morning.

I definitely feel like a piece of garbage and disposable.

I will be glad when ILs leave. This is very difficult.

MIL made hints that I was partly to blame. I feel as if I am shouldering more than my share of blame here. A key part of the problem has been H's unwillingness to admit to his share of the problem.

I also think H has become willing to lie to protect his ego.

Oh, Breton...I'm sorry that these people have made you feel this way.

You are not garbage and you are not disposable.

I take 50% responsibility for the problems in my marriage. I take 0% responsibility for the way my H chose to fix the problems. Zero percent.

If your H is lying, it will catch up to him. This weekend two lies my H told have caught up to him. Two friends compared notes and found out he lied. They want nothing to do with him any longer. Let him lie...don't try and tell your side, especially to his family. The truth will come out eventually...it may take time, but it will come out.

Honey - you are not garbage and you are certainly not disposable. You didn't walk out on your marriage. You didn't have an affair. While you may not be perfect, you certainly don't deserve what your H did.

It will get better with time. It seems so unfair now...and it is...but you will get better and stronger.

Hugs!

w8ing

Breton,

I can relate to how you feel about being disposible. I have felt like that also. It just seems so easy for these guys to dump us and move on.

In reality it is not. They just make it appear this way. They are so messed up. We don't see them when they feel guilty, ashamed or embarrassed about their behaviors. They have these moments, they may be quite fleeting though.

Your inlaws make me angry. They remind of mine. They have no idea of what you have been through, seen, heard and experienced. They will never know even if you tried to explain it to them. Let them go for now too. They will soon learn the truth. You in the end will come out the winner.

My in-laws treat me the same as your`s. They are urging my H to make his move. They`ll see, when he doesn`t have me to blame anymore.

I`ve lost respect for them. Like Goal says, they wouldn`t listen to you anyway, so why bother. They have no idea what you`re going through with him.

Celestial

I don't know--they have tried to support me. They took me out to dinner, too. I have called them and I noticed MIL's look of dismay when I said "Well, H is evidently extremely serious about OW and I am sure there are good qualities about her."

Plus I can't say--H does tend to exaggerate. He is their son and they are going to listen to him first.

H seemed to have slightly moony looks again today. Whatever.

We have a mediation on Wednesday which has me extremely stressed out. I did a little bit of yoga and used part of my lunch hour to walk by the water lillies in the park.

It occurred to me that if he files, I could talk to a L about dragging out the process as well as the legal protection of a LS, so maybe it's not a bad plan.

Breton,
I'm right there with you on the OW thing with the IL's. My IL's have taken her right in as if she is just naturally supposed to be there. As if what their son is doing with her, living with her while still married to me, is completely normal and OK in their eye. MIL has gone out to lunch with just her and OW and OW ate Easter dinner at their house.

I really don't know that I expected anything different, but for them to just act as if 15 years with their son meant so little that I could be shoved out so quickly hurts. THey are nice to me and have told me if I need absolutely anything that I can call them anytime and I think they sincerely mean it, but I won't. Not after how they've taken OW in to their home and are treating her the same as they treated me when what she's doing wtih their son is so obviously wrong. I just won't.

BFM

breton,

You said:
Can you explain your thinking?

Thanks,
IMP.

new,

I wanted to hear breton's thought!

If D is filed but not acted on, I believe I would have some legal protection.

Dragging feet but cooperating on D would give things more time.

I'm also laying down my weapons and trying really hard not to be angry w/H.