Good point. I've had to work on my keeping "hope" without any "expectations". That seems like such a contradiction to me. I'm just getting to a place where I can (kind of) work that.
IT is just so hard not to know anything about him now - basic stuff....where he lives, whenhe works, etc. AND, I know that 'i should hVE ZERO EXPECTtions of hearing from him, but nmy b-ay is next week,and i will just crumble if/when he is silent that daqy.....
Wantlove! Finally a kin! My H has been gone since Jan. 06. During this time he has never contacted but he sends flowers for "special" days. He not only cut off from me and his daughter but his parents.
You are not alone with a cave dweller. It is easier and harder. You will wonder and ache, wanting any contact. You have the right idea. Zero expectations. I don't know when or if my H will ever reappear but for DD birthday he sent her chocolate covered strawberries and the enclosed note said "Please forgive me for my weakness". They are not leading a wonderful life. Give him time and space. Now, what wonderful plans will FILL your birthday next week? Be sooooo busy that there isn't time to crumble. Gather your friends and throw yourself a party! Don't take the silence for not thinking or caring. He may be caring and hurting so bad that he can't respond. Think the postive (heheheheh - positive being...he is so miserable without you that he can't bare it even as hard as he is trying to run) I had crab legs in bed with my daughter and went to a movie. It was wonderful!
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
I just can't faqthom my birthday without his always special, over the top celebration for me. Part of me wants him to hit bottom, and hit it hard - SOON - so that he can begin his journey back. I will be sending him an email in the next few days - after my birthday, though, so it doesn;t appear I am fishing fo him to say something - as I am moving offices - and phone numbers at work. There is no cell service there, so in reality, he would have no way of getting me during the day in an emergency. It will be business-like, of course. I hope it may open up the avenue for him to MAYBE respond, or at least acknowledge me.....
Well, the emnail is a few days off, so we'll see. I hope that the excitement of being on his own and "liberated" - his word - has worn off and he is finally settling into what will be his ne3w life - living paycheck to paycheck in a sparse apt. - I am guessing..... he hasn;t taken anything but cliothes from here... We never had $ worries, and could do/buy whatever we wanted. I feel ad that I want him to bottom out, but he needs to for anything to move forward for him, and I hope for our marriagew. Keep the faith - I'll see it when I believe it5. I;m on my own with the faith - I've got to be strong.
By all means do something special on you birthday. Mine is a little ways off, but I'm making plans now. I love the idea of crab legs in bed!
There is no time line you can go by. No expectations is the only way I get through the day. If there is a nice moment store it away so you can take it out and look at it later.
I just wish i would sop thinking pollr opposites - one minute that he will definitely come back, the next that he has completely forgotten about me and lifted me out of his life. I cannot take this....
