I am teetering between just dropping "the bomb" and working a little longer. I’m so confused. My Positive Thinking and actions seem to be working. The Next phase is to act like it has already happened. Well that would mean that I walk up to my W and give her a hug when I felt like it. By the way I moved from giving her a kiss on the forehead thanking her for dinner to a kiss on the cheek. She does not turn away but she makes no effort to kiss me back either. I was kind of thinking the dinner / dancing may be a bit too much of a jump. I am writing a letter that I may E-mail her on my first day of work. (Which is the Monday after this event) To let her know that being room mates is not working for me and I have given her 5 months to figure things out. If she does not want to work things out then I can’t keep our Secret any longer from the family. (not the wording I will use)
(does this sound like black mail)
Husband
Last edited by husband; 09/22/0703:00 PM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Just make sure that you are clear that she must take you seriously. That her actions today suddently have meaning. You have restrained yourself from action for 5 months. She doesn't know that. She thinks that you have simply had no reactions, either were blind or didn't care.
Spend some time pointing out the deliberate choices that you made in the last 5 months to allow her space and time. That those were deliberate choices, and that time has come to an end. From here on out, her actions will have consequences.
You have given her a false sense of security. You can't just whisk it away without preparing her for the fact that things didn't just change over night. They should have changed a long time again, but you were generous and held off til now.
husband - Funny, I was thinking the exact same thing in my situation. I am growing weary of the disrespect that comes with a wife who cheats. She has no regard for me at all, and I am prepared to have the last-last-resort discussion with her. It's time for her to $hit or get off the pot. However, I am torn. I do not want to be the one who "gave up." But she is making it very difficult to hang on.
Wife is showing no signs of either drifting away from her boyfriend or toward me. And, like you, I am prepared to leak the secret to the family and friends.
And if we get a divorce, I will indeed tell our kids; IMO they are entitled to know what she did to destroy their family.
If and when I do tell the family things are not working I will tell all of the adults including my 23 & 25 yo D's but when it comes to my son. It will have to be more like Mom Doesn't love dad anymore and Dad has tried to fix things but sometimes there is only so much a dad can do. We both still love you and I will be there when ever you need me.
But I don't want this to happen. I don't want to have that talk with my son. Why Do I seem like the bad guy to end this family? I have told Yoyo many times to react on facts. I have no proof that My W will leave. In reality I think she thinks I am not man enough to leave. Sara is right I have suppressed allot of my actions and feelings. It will also be a wake up call for the OM. Thinking he got away with something so long ago.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I feel like I'm eavesdropping, listening to the two of you talk. But I know I'm not, so I will jump in here too. This is exactly the same thing I was talking to MC about last night.
Please understand, I used to be a bitch. I still can speak bitchese fluently. This is my interpretation of your wives' worldview concerning their husbands.
They put you in a box a long time ago and stopped thinking about you as a person. You are stable and boring. You cannot get out of the box and be exciting. You have been classified and categorized and shelved. However, you serve a purpose. You provide a stable household and help financially and are good with the children. So they see now reason to chop off the branch that they are standing on.
On the other hand, OM is fun, exciting, mysterious and a challenge. They are pursuing him. And they can do that while standing securely on your branch. So why stop? They can do it all because they are better than everyone else -- they deserve it all.
Since they are so deserving, they can talk to you anyway they want. They can lash out at you and be mean. Because you are not deserving of both stability and fun. You are just one thing and can never be more.
How do you deal with someone like that? Well, my H just quit the BS and had a fullblown affair and plotted to divorce me. And I didn't even have another man -- mine was just fantasy!
thanks for the bitches opinion. LOL. You are not eavesdropping..
You are 100 % right. But I too am comforable with my Family duties. Not with my Manuel's needs and wants. But I would and have sacfafiecd my needs for my family. I would give my Life for my family. (maybe not W right now). So it is so hard to shake things up for my own wants. ButI think you may be right about W
Husband.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
