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I had to post about what happened today.

Today ExH and I and my older daughter went to his daughter's (my stepdaughter)soccer game. He asked us to go. We all went and then about the 3rd quarter I noticed OW across the field watching this game too! I couldn't believe my eyes. She was talking to people but I can tell she was checking out the situation. He was standing right next to me most of the game. I am assuming that if he asked us to go he wouldn't have asked her and she just showed up. Gutsy woman. She had no kids playing and was watching his daughter play. I don't think he saw her right away. After the game he and my daughter took off and I waited for my stepdaughter to get done. They walked off and I watched OW. She watched them the whole time. When stepdaughter and I left she watched us go as well. She is out of her mind.

I didn't say a word to ExH as I figured he didn't ask her and he was uncomfortable. He even gave me a kiss when he left that hopefully she saw.

I didn't overreact and jump ExH about it. That I was proud of.

When will she just go away?

SO2,,,When will she go away?? When you tell her she can have him! Seriously,,IMO, I would NOT have any intimate contact w/XH whatsoever-He won't miss it until its' gone! I also would be afraid of him not being honest w/either one of you and end up giving you & the baby some sort of disease,,sorry to be so blunt.

Believe it or not you're now in the drivers' seat,,do not feed into his ego or his stories, your gut is the best indicator!

This time will be very hard for you b/c you are carrying XH's baby and it feels so right when your together,,BUT,,hes' counting on those feelings from you by what he tells you whether truthful or not. Now, some have to go thru this pain in order to learn but I don't want to see you go thru it being pregnant and alone.

He sounds like hes' definately a cake eater,,don't give him that chance!

You know that if the pics are up theres' still something there w/the OW b/c once she walked in his door & saw them down she would be telling him WTF!! So,,,you know its' not over you're just confirming that fact.

For her to keep dating him while you come up pregnant is beyond me!! I'm sorry for being rude,,but,,shes' just plain stupid or ignorant! Who knows,,it might be hes' telling you that he told her all this stuff but i'm willing to bet that she doesn't have a clue!! I bet once you start showing, if not already, the poops' gonna hit the fan-at that moment in time, do not give into him if she kicks him to the curb or you will look like the needy one,,,just what I would do in your sitch-don't take it to the bank on my account.

Remember,,,IN THE END THE ONE W/THE COOL HEAD WINS! THE ONE WHOSE MORE 'PLEASANTLY ALOOF' IN THIS SITCH WINS,,THE HARD PART WILL BE KEEPING IT UP TIL THE END OF YOUR PREGNANCY!

JUST MAKE YOUR BOUNDRIES AND KEEP THEM,,SOUNDS LIKE THATS' WHAT THIS GUY NEEDS AND HES' NOT GETTING IT FROM OW!

Good Luck Sweety,
Kim

You did great, SO2!!! It is true that it's a matter of who will out last who, OW or you. OW will lose her cool at some point and start pushing, then H will come back to you.

We had a great weekend! We spent almost all weekend together with and without the kids. He was relaxed and happy and I almost want to cry and gush to him because it was the man I married and the man I saw back when we were happy. I miss those days so much. I don't think I should go overboard and tell him how great it was.....he seems to freak under pressure and want him to realize this at his own pace and his idea.

We had the kids Saturday night and we bbq'd and hung out. He actually even stayed, which he never does when the kids are here. He didn't want to give them the wrong impression. Maybe that wall is softening. Kids went back with other parents yesterday and he and I hung out, watched football and even went shopping and bought our first baby item......he wanted a snuggli.

He actually made comments about the future. I was thinking that I needed to get a bigger car again now with the baby coming, and he agreed. I was thinking Tahoe, but then he said 'well, we can't fit all 5 kids and a baby plus us in a Tahoe. Getting another Suburban would be best'. So obviously he is thinking about us being together as a family again sometime. I know stupid little things, but its nice to hear.

Now, the nuerotic part of me says.....take it easy. He can flip back at any moment. OW is still lurking and stalking. All is not fixed yet.

I want to believe that he is handling things with OW. But just 10 days ago I saw that he was contacting her, so its still fresh. He did completely blow her off on Saturday at the game and even kissed me in front of her. Trying to look at positives.

Thanks for all your help guys....this is so hard.

You are right, he can flip at any moment. That is why you can not let him have his cake and eat it too. NO sex for one, things take things slow. And don't do everything with him , stay detached. You did well before the weekend, KEEP DOING IT! By going semi dark you are helping you stay detached and not going thru his drama.
HE will try to engage you like he did on Wednesday, You handled that very well. HE will have to work this out on his own.

GOOD JOB.


JAK

Sounds like what you are doing is having the intended effect. I agree with all of the others. NO Intimacy - including kissing / hugging. You are divorced so there is no reason for that. Good thing is that he is thinking / talking about your future R. Keep doing what you've been doing and expect backslides. In my current situation, it seems like it happens daily. One day things are great and the future looks rosey, the next day she's back to doubting our R. I have faith that this will all work out, but I can see now there is still a lot of work ahead of us. Concentrate on keeping yourself healthy (both mind and body) for that baby.

SO2,

How are things going today?

JAK

Things have actually been pretty good the past few days or so. We have had some really good times. He is so excited about this baby, our future, and even talks like we will have one. He spends alot of time here with me and stays the night pretty much every night we don't have our kids.

Had one glitch last night and I didn't mention anything. I haven't snooped on his phone in awhile, I did last night. I found that OW was sending texts "Please come over, I am dying for you". YUCK. He replied with "I can't, I am with **(me) now". OW then replied with "Can't you just say you don't feel good and leave later?" He never responded. I know he hasn't seen her. There has been no time, but it almost seems like he keeps that contact open for some sort of ego stroke or back up plan.

I caught her this morning driving by his house and then by mine. She is obviously desperate. I wish so bad she would just fade away. He and I have been out and about publicly at soccer games, shopping, driving etc. where her friends and the rest of the world has seen us so its not like he's hiding us.

I am not confronting him about the text messages. I can't reveal how I found out, but I am still watching. His actions show he is with me, but she is still lurking.

So2

That is great news.

I wouldn't confront Xh right now either since the contact is positive as far as you and he go, and not good with OW. But I think you need to keep things into perspective. You do have the upper hand. You are divorced and you have shown him you do not need him, so please try not to appear needy and act as if you can do what ever with your life to make you happy with or without H.

it sounds very hopeful though great!

JAK

Thanks Jak.

The contact between he and I is really positive. If I wouldn't snoop and find things, then it would be perfect. Sounds strange huh? Maybe I should stop snooping and pretend like he is not talking with OW still.

Yesterday he had gone to his own house for a few hours to do some laundry and get some things done before the work week. He had been here at my house since Friday. He was supposed to come back at 6:30. About that time he sent me a text saying he would be here in 30 minutes. OK, no problem. I had a funny feeling so I drove by his house and his truck was not there. He ended showing up at 7:45.

When he was in the shower I looked at his phone. There was some contact with OW and he was responding. I guess her dad is dying (sorry, I have no sympathy) and she was upset. He said, 'sorry sweety'. She then asked if he could come up and check the oil in her truck!! WTF! That was at 6:30.

I think he went there to see her and check the oil. I don't think anyting physical happened as there wasn't much time, but he did go I believe.

Do I confront? I can say someone saw him going out to OW's place. I have no idea. What is the connection here? Why does he still want that contact? Its like he lives this double life....one with me and one with her.

I need help here guys. My gut instict is to confront in anger and give ulitmatums that obviously are not working.