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You all put it such simpler terms!

Yeah don't know how long I am going to hold out. If he is out there dating and has clearly told me as much then I don't see the point. I may be the WAS but apparently I am also (maybe always have been) the one who is trying to make things work. Even if it took me leaving to facilitate that. I guess maybe in my case H took the opportunity to move on with his life. A chance a WAS takes in general. But I was at the end of my rope so what did I really have to loose? A bad marriage?

I guess I just sad that he didn't want to work on our M as badly as i did/do.

WAW,

I cant remember if you mentioned you had an A? Maybe he is trying to instill the same pain in you? Is he revengeful?

No. I didn't. But nn retrospect I wish I had just had an A. Maybe I could have dealt with an H that didn't pay any physical attention to me for years.

I probably could have stayed married forever just having an A on the side to fulfill that one need.

Too bad he had too many other faults and seems not willing to work on any of those either. Seems to be want to work on his "physical needs" with someone else.

I can name on one hand how many times we have been intimated in 3 years. 1 time in last year!

Waw,

Still think he's just trying to control you. And, wow, one sexual encounter in a year. I am so sorry. You are the one that wants to work on your M. Still do.

Don't cheapen yourself with an A (which it still would technically be at this point, you don't have a separation agreement, do you?). The pain it causes the S, which you've seen here, and the guilt that you would have felt just aren't worth it. Plus, you (and all of us) deserve to be with someone that can provide us iwth the emotional AND physical intimacy that we all crave and deserve. "Getting some on the side" cheapens everyone involved.

Oddly enough, despite all of this, you still don't sound like you're done.

Your H is really being a donkey about all of this though. That said, if you're not ready to throw in the towel -- don't.

BD

No, we do not have a separation agreement. I have been to an atty but I didn't see the need to put anything into legal terms once the custody problem was resolved. Complete 50/50 split which we both can be happy with.

I am really not into going out into the "dating world" but it sounds like H is. He has removed almost all traces of me from our home. Its "his" house. I think he plans on bringing women back there to shag. Gross.

I haven't given up YET, but I am quickly losing the faith here.

I wanted to be a WAW but couldn't because of the kids. I was hoping to that he would want to work things out because of everything but he was blinded by the OW. I really thought we could have worked things out to if both of us were really willing to talk all of our problems out and put in an effort. 16 years and 2 kids were worth it.

I hear what your saying Kelley. Its a tough call. There is no right answer. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I had no choice at that point. Stay married for the sake of being married, not to hurt him or my daughter...it was sham anyway. Or make a real choice and not lose my mind. He really drained me of all that made me who I am over the years. I am fighting to get that back.

I just hope he can still love me for being who I am and not the person he tried to mold me into.

For what it's worth, I think you made the only choice you really could have given your situation.

Your line reminded me of something Casey said. Apparently, her and Xavier are a hot kindergarten item. So I asked why Xavier is so much in love with you. She said, "Because of who I am."

From the mouths of babes.

BD

Hey WAW
What is a 180 for you now? I am confused?

Is it super caring and attentive, men generally react to that from women. or the opposite?

Sorry, too much going on, but sounds like you are really hurting so wanted to start up a convo if you want..

Back from the weekend. Sorry no PC at the new place.

My H is such a paradox. Contolling, jealous, lack of social life for himself, lack of attraction and intimacy. Its seems like has has too many issues within himself to do a true 180. Yes, him getting a social like is a great thing. Totally different than the homebody I left. But he is still controlling and does not want to admit that he has any personality issues...I would say not relations with you hot wife would be some type of issue.

Plus now he has added insult to injury but wanting to date others. It just adds to the fact that he just didn't want to be intimate with ME.

So where do I go from here? I really need H to go to IC and resolve his hanups. He refuses to take any responsibility at this point and has said that this is all my "fault". He does not need counseling he is fine, its me who has the problem and is unhappy.

180's for him would be a caring attentive husband who puts his wife above is family (not our daughter). A man who is secure enough let his wife have he own life with out retribution and emotional blackmail. A physically attentive husband, one that actually wants to kiss, touch and have an otherwise normal physical relationship. Stop crusing every dream I have. Be supportive of my endeavors

Those things would certainly help "lure me back"

But outright telling me he doesn't think any of the issues are "his' and that he is not going to IC. Its pointless. Unless we both learn about ourselves and how to modify our behaviors and communicate this marriage is over.

And to be blunt, I am not spending my life with a man does not want to be intimate with me. Once or twice at year at my age is unacceptable.

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