Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy OM, MLC and the hits keep coming........Pt 5

I need some advice.

I am going to Canberra (interstate) on Wed, and get back next Mon. DD has a sleepover party on Sat night. I am worried that even though W has given me my word that she will never bring OM over to the house again, Sat night might be a perfect night for him to stay over.

I have been doing really well for several weeks, and have not challenged my W with anything. But if I find out OM does sleep over on Sat night, I think I will make it my business to find out more about him, and track him down, thats how angry I will be.

How should I word it to my W again, before I leave, confirming our agreement in regards to this matter. Should I remind her or let it go and not say anything.

Hi neph,

Thanks for stopping by. I need to make sure that I keep doing what I am doing. It's funny, sometimes when she does something to irk me, I have called her and left a message on her mobile. By the time she gets back to me I have calmed down and leave it a non issue.

Maybe I should get myself a DB phone, and leave it messages pretending its my W's phone. Given a few minutes, I tend to let the emotions pass. I think that was my problem all along early on in my DBing. I did everything I could by the book, but always had a backslide 2 or 3 weeks into it.

Billy not silly this time around :).

AndyV

Yes! I have had the same problem. One step forward and two steps back. I find something out, or I get PO'd and it's really hard for me not to call that mobile and blow all my efforts to hell. I'm still working on that.

That's a tricky one about other man coming to the house. If your W is like my H, she will do whatever you ask her not to just to prove you can't tell her what to do. If this is the case, I would say don't say anything. You have already told her. She remembers. She knows the rules. Whether you tell her again or not, she will make her choices.

How will you know if she does bring OM in?

Andy, it's just my opinion, but I would say don't say anything. If you are making progress, I think that would completely tear it all down, especially if she hadn't even thought about having OM stay over.

Neph,

You are right. It is beyond my control what she decides to do whilst I am away.

I just hope that she is sincere in her promises (which she has kept for several months). I know she has lied and deceived me for a long time, but I just feel that she is trying to respect my wishes before our divorce is final (due to the friendly and civil manner I have approached all of her requests with separation, consent orders, divorce etc, she has even told me how impressed she is and how other guys would not have been as decent about it all).

I will just have to block it out whilst I am away.

AndyV

RHW,

Thanks, your opinion has really hit home.

I have done so well to date, and I can't keep "worrying" about things that may or may not happen.

Like Neph said, I can't really control what she does, so why worry about it.

Thanks heaps,
AndyV

Andy,
Sounds like you are handling things the best anyone can...that's all you can do. Take care of yourself.

Thanks Hope,

If nothing else, my DD will remember how I handled myself throughout this difficult time. With time, I think W will also.

AndyV

Andy,

I agree with the others that to say anything about OM staying whilst you are away would be counterproductive.

In fact, if you are away, even if you DD is at a sleep over, your W can't really get up to much, as one never knows as a parent if you will get a call suddenly to pick your child up, (they might get poorly or homesick). So I am sure your wife will know that she still has to be available for your DD and that would stop her arranging anything untoward with OM.

Glad to hear I didn't scare you away!!!

Cabbage PATCH DOLLS are SCARY - JUST LIKE MY H's OW was/is!!!LMFAO

Saffie

Barney, CareBears and Smurfs used to creep me out too.

(Who comes up with this crass commercialized drivel?)