Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis H wants D

I am just hoping that H's family does not help him too much. Possible that that is what they are doing today. How can I be friendly to them when they help H get rid of me?

If it is something that he wants, then he can do the work for it. If they help him it is not making him responsible for himself, but then I cannot stop them.

How do you mean help him get rid of you? How would they do this?


Well said.

get rid of me by divorcing me.

I guess I just feel like a lot of people here do. Life becomes inconvenient and I felt thrown away like a piece of garbage.

Well, I decided to continue trying w/DB and that means I need to be friendlier. I will also try to treat him as I wish to be treated. So I was today and H took D1.5 for a walk to give mommy a break, which was good, and lingered, which surprised me a little.

That said, he may well have filed for D this morning!

One of my concerns and my holding back on DBing is that i fear that H is a power person, may like to dominate, etc.. And if that is how he really is, I do not want him back.

One of my books indicated some ways to consider whether you are dealing with an incurable power person. I tried this little test and H responded in a way that did indicate some compromise. Still whiny, but compromise.

And that made me more interested in continuing process.

With that said, I also took pictures of everything in the house.

<grin>

Oh, Breton....your last two posts......

Taking pictures of everything in the house.....

we are two peas in a pod....

Seriously - this is the business side of things. You know your H better than anyone. I am assuming you took pictures, because you felt that you needed to take pictures to protect your interests. Unfortunately, when placed in this situation, you need to do what you need to do to protect yourself....

You know, this isn't a bad way to live our lives with anyone. No matter what the circumstances, we should follow this. Unfortunately, we always what to be right, or ahead, or whatever...

Like you have been erased? I know what you mean here. I moved to H's town, with his family and friends.... I feel alone from those people and thrown away by H. I struggle with that....

But I don't think that his family or friends are trying to help him divorce me. Subconscienciously, maybe (telling him to get it done quick so we can both move on, end the pain as soon as possible, etc.). But not actually help him.

Do you get along with his family? Why would they try to help him?

w8ing

"Like you have been erased? I know what you mean here. I moved to H's town, with his family and friends.... I feel alone from those people and thrown away by H. I struggle with that...."

Yes--but in my case, it is now that I got pregnant and had a kid, H ran like hell.

"Why would they try to help him?"
Because financially, H is clueless and they tend to overprotect their kids. Plus that is what H said. I think they were at a lawyer this morning. I could be wrong, but maybe not. MIL's statements about finding someone new, finding a group of people to help me, etc., suggest some kindness but also pushing me towards closure.

and I think they had dinner w/OW tonight as well. This tells me that H wants her accepted in family. I don't think they are too pleased but H--the rebel man--is not going to care.

Funny thing is, divorce is more the norm than staying together so H is actually following the norm! Maybe I will point that out to him, since he thinks he's being very radical.

How is he toward your D now?

How sad that he is 40 and his parents are still involved to this degree.

I have had several people push me towards closure...not understanding what H is going through...what we are dealing with. I don't blame them - they are thinking they are helping me. I just smile, say thank you, and continue to try and DB...for me.

I can't imagine H trying to bring OW to family dinner. No one "knows" (although they do). But I am only two months into this. Don't know when H will admit to OW to me, his family and friends. I think he knows the reaction will be bad so it will be a long time in coming..... It is different for us. D is not the norm...with our families, friends...anyone.

Why point out to him that he is doing the norm? Do you think he will listen? Or care? I don't mean this to sound harsh...I just keep trying to remember what Michele says in DR about going down cheeseless tunnels. Why bring it up if it won't do anything? And if he is not in a position now to really listen to what you are saying...why say it.

I give you a lot of credit, Breton. You have to deal with this and a small child. I can't even imagine...

Hang in there...

w8ing

"How sad that he is 40 and his parents are still involved to this degree."

43, actually. And part of the problem w/our situation is H's cluelessness w/money. He tends to take it for granted. This is a big problem w/H although I admit to creating the monster some. H didn't want to have to bother himself with mundane details of money, so I handled most of it. Now he's going to be in a position where he knows very little about it and has to do D.

It's the MLC thing "Oh, *I* don't care about money--I will go live under a bridge."

I think actually he is ashamed that he has not earned much.

As far as the "norm"--because H thinks he is radical, man.

He is really just a cliche. Which I mentioned when he left.