the whole POINT is for it to be harsh, Lou! SHE doesn't ~get it~, perhaps because you continue to let her off easy. That's "nice guy" behavior. she needs her cage rattled. soft language doesn't make cages rattle. I suspect that she has no idea how her attitude and behaviors have hurt you. and maybe this is why.
I am half tempted to say something like that to BB. What I fear is, she will take it as an insult/slam.
Oh Lou, I don't think you can possibly bring any of this up to BB. You CANNOT run the risk of making her mad! Anything could happen! She might get upset and shout or insult you or withhold sex! Maybe she would refuse to go out to eat with you, or let the dogs sleep in the bed or want the air conditioning/ heat on/off. Are you crazy? Keep your thoughts and ideas to yourself. That's the safest way to be. After all, how bad is it REALLY? Whatever you do, DON'T upset the apple cart or you'll never have any apples again as long as you live! Then you'll starve! By all means, keep BB happy, work all day and all night at making her happy and keeping her from getting upset. THAT is your primary mission in life and EVERYTHING must come second to that. You must live by this code.
Corri You don't have to say exactly what I said... put it in Lou words... but do you see my point? I see your point and intent.
Cac4 Lou! SHE doesn't ~get it~,......I suspect that she has no idea how her attitude and behaviors have hurt you. She gets it Cac4. I told her many times in mostly polite ways. I have to hold back to keep on track.
A couple days ago I said I really felt like leaving the M bed permantly, after we spent the evening together. She asked why I didn't want to sleep with her anymore.
I said, We sat on the couch from 6P to 10P (several days recently and in for several months) and now I am stroking your hair, back, and feet. I see you being attended to during many short semi romantic moments.
What I see is me doing the romancing and you taking it all in.
I didn't see much coming my way and although you said what I did was nice and thanked me for it, I don't see you doing much romancing in return. In fact during the last month, I approached you several times to touch you and have given you many back rubs because I know you like them and I have no problem doing it but someday I need you to initate affection towards me. I can't keep giving and giving. It just feels too lonely to give and give.
I miss my HD self ( pity party begins, as I take the Chair and Chocolate from LFL). I miss having those zingy, tingly feelings running through my body. I am upset with myself that the way my brain gets activated is by unconsciously picking up on my H's emotional withdrawal. I feel bad that I seem to shut down when the relationship is better.
When I am in this mode, I resent H and his neediness. I forget what it's like to be in HD shoes. I begin to think that my H is this narcissist who wants me to feed his ego. I feel engulfed by his needs, and I don't want to give.
I'm just trying to be clear in understanding... are you saying that when your H emotionally withdraws... you're more HD, and when the relationship stabilizes you become more LD?
