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MC,

Great job.

Go light.

--Theoden

Thanks for the update MC--I was wondering how things were going for you.

It is interesting how limited contact affected your W. Great job!

Good to hear from you - I was worried!!

Watch the amount of pursuing while she is gone - let her initiate the contact. But then I should talk-- I lasted 5 days before I just called H when the kids and I were down at Hilton Head...I tend to go with my heart (sometimes too much). H said later that he was not feeling needed and he realized he missed us and missed wanting to be needed by me and the kids...

I kind of think if you continue to build your R with her at this stage (and even though you feel there has been little R developemnt your wrong - you two sound like you are dating and becoming FRIENDS again...) maybe then piecing will not be so difficult. I am still having some periods of sadness and I still fear H hurting me again - just taking it day by day. H feels I am punishing him when I want to talk about my hurting - but I think I got him to finally understand that I am just trying to address my fears - not hurt him!!

Baby steps- MC that's all you can do at this point - no controlling the timeline!!

H and I are off to Chicago for two days until the kids arrive Saturday night! Have a great weekend!

HB

HB, That's the thing. In doing some thinking, one of the problems I had was for some unknoown reason, I became incredibly complacant and quit taking the time to call her during the day. This bothered her and she told me about it. I still ignored it and didn't call on a regular basis. Some Mondays when she worked a 13 hour day I wouldn't call her. I think this was the beginning of the trouble. She told me then that it made her feel like I didn't care.

That is why I struggle with the calling thing. Sometimes I feel that she associates calling with caring.

MC, I also associates calling with caring. Personally, I do not see anything wrong with you calling her on a regular basis. That's what a close friend would do. As long as there is no pushing (e.g. "you were not there when I called." "Were you gone for 2 hours at lunch?"), just simple chit chat, I think she will like it. And end the call as soon as you see any sign of her getting annoyed/irritated/busy (and end it early sometimes on purpose). This way it won't feel it's pursuing and will leave her something to look forward to.

I think you are doing great. Incredible restraint in no R talk. I feel that CW not talking about future means she is still not sure. (At least for me, I would not talk ANYTHING future unless I am very sure. Even now in piecing, I don't talk about future, just day to day stuff. Unlike my h, who can talk future even back then when he was not sure about me or OW!!!). This is probably a good clue to look out for. When/if she talks about future, you will know she is coming back in a more sure sense.

Take care, you are doing great.

Thanks OC I need to hear positives once and a while.

CW and S15 left town Thursday. I cannot believe how badly I can miss someone.

Anyway, she called when they landed, which I asked her to do. Friday AM she called with the hotel info, she forgot to give it to me prior to leaving, so I wanted it in case of an emergency. I did some serious backsliding. She was in a hurry to get going because some of the kids she was chaperoning wanted to go eat. I didn't just let her go, I tried to extend the convresation to the point she started to get crabby. I called later when I found out that my cell phone wouldn't work at the cabin we were headed to. She was very upbeat and glad I called. This time I ended the convo as soon as I could. Since then I have used incredible restraint and not called her. I am hoping to make it until she calls.........

MC,

good to hear from you. I think you and I are at the same place in our sitch. Scary. I so much wantto finly talk R but I don't want to blow it.
I too was going to take a break from here but I saw your post and had to comment. WE need to go slow I guess. It''s hard when you think you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. YA want to run.

stay strong buddy I'm right behind you.

Husband

OK, haven't posted in a while, nothing has been happening. An update from a "date" we went on Sat night.

We went out for dinner at a Mexican place. It was nice. We talked and laughed. Towards the end, she started an R talk. She told me that she had seen an attorney for advice and she wanted to know from me what I thought was a fair settlement. I was taken by surprise and couldn't answer. I asked her if she had thought anymore about counseling and she said, "not at this time"

We talked more at the restaurant and then she hit me with a bomb. She told me that she didn't even feel like she knew me. She said that I have never even talked about my dad to her. (He died when I was 15). I suddenly felt like I was going to hurl. We talked in the restaurant for about 10 minutes. She told me that she likes me as a friend but feels that she can never see more than that. She says that she has tried to see if there is a "spark" between us when we have gone out and there has been none. She has gotten slightly drunk with me and still never feels an attraction. We left the restaurant and continued to talk. It went around in circles. When I got to her place, we talked for about 20 more minutes in the truck. I told her that in counseling, my C had told me that I had an issue with my dad's death and never dealt with it. I totally lost it talking about him to her. I told her how I missed him, how hardly a day goes by and I don't think of him and how embarrased I am that I can't talk about it to her. I was sobbing as I talked about him to her.

I told her a lot of things, including the fact that my C told me that until I deal with these feelings, our M can never heal. I left her and went home. About 10 minutes after I got home, S6 called for something. I talked to him and hung up. About 30 minutes later, CW called to check on me. I told her I was fine and that I would call her in the AM about church. I went to bed, still pretty sad.

Any thoughts?????

MC,

Hard night.

The reason there is no spark is that she's involved with someone else. She can't honestly see you or your changes.

We'll talk.

--Theoden

MC,

Hard night.

The reason there is no spark is that she's involved with someone else. She can't honestly see you or your changes.

We'll talk.

--Theoden