Tonight we had a meeting at S6's school. We met there. As we were walking in, she made a comment about my teeth and asked if I was doing something to whiten them. I told her I was, expecting her to say that she thought it looked good. Instead, she got semi po'd, saying that I would have never done that for her. She made it seem that she had been on me to do it or something. At most, she commented about the OTC strips she used periodically. She never said I should do it.
I replied that I was doing it for myself that now I was taking better care of myself and taking more of an interest in how I looked.
I was pretty upset by her comments. Later in the evening I brought it up and told her that her comments were way off base. She simply replied that "when we were married" I would have never done this for her. I replied that "when we were together", I didn't take my appearance and weight seriously and allowed myself to fall apart. She quickly said that it wasn't about weight. (Of course not, FOM is fat.) It was about how I treated her.
She then asked me if I liked it that everyone (whoever that is) feels "poor MC" I told her that no I didn't and she brought up that's how my family feels. She also said that when I meet someone new they will all like her because they all feel that she (CW) was so bad to me. I replied that I knew what I had done wrong in our relationship and that is all that matters.
What is going on here. One minute I feel like we are not necessarily making progress, but that she is interested in me and then this. When we were at the school event, the teacher had us go around the room and introduce ourselves. when it was my turn I introduced myself not her. She was mad that I didn't introduce us as a couple. WTF.....
Sorry for rambling.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
Obviously she's curious/nervous about why you are caring about your appearance so much. I mean, what if you are attracting other women??? mmhmm.. Partly feeling sorry for herself. Partly jealous. Actually, I think that interaction is progress..
In response to a way earlier question about the effect of me going dark on my H he said:
He felt it was a combination of seeing how he was truly losing me (and our friendship) and starting to see the OW in a real light (she is actually more controlling than I was and was very manipulative with H) so the A was becoming less glamorous/enticing...
I was really getting ready to get together with a mediator and start the D proceedings, I was approved for a mortgage and I was taking my kids through possible new homes ---so I was really moving on. I had FINALLY made it clear to H that we were not going to be buddies - we would co-parent and that would be the extent of our R.
Sounds like you CW wants it both ways - she wants to be introduced as a couple but yet wants to talk about when you have moved on with your life. She seems to be doubting her (or what she thought was her) decision - she sounds like she is looking at YOU in a different light.
You cannot control her or the crazy thoughts she is having - just keep GAL'ing and do stuff for you and your sons. Take care and enjoy your weekend!!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
I got a call ffrom CW, she was PO'd that I spent $300 on the bleach trays for my teeth. She then went into a rant about how she hates the way we were progressing and that I got the house, had money to do what I wanted, the nicer vehicle and what did she get. She was crying to the point that she couldn't talk.
I convinced her to come over to talk (she was a block or 2 away).
We talked and she made it clear that she wanted a D and told me that she sent the paperwork to her attorney.
She started in with the "this is so hard on me" sh!t and I lost it. I went off about who do I have to hold my hand when I am down, who do I have to confide in when I am hurting. I told her that I have no one. She has the FFOM. I told her what she did (adultery) was beyond comprehension.
I also told her that it was totally inappropriate that she brought S6 around FFOM last week. She told me that FFOM is a nice guy. I told her that he is an immoral UnChristian. I told her that a real man doesn't do what he did. She then threw me out of her vehicle. I gladly departed. I called her a few minutes later because she was supposed to come over today to help get ready for a soccer party tomorrow. I curtly told her she didn't need to come over. She insisted on coming over and and I strongly told her no. She then brought up that she has the opportunity to go out of town next weekend from Thursday through Sunday. She asked me if I wanted the kids or did she have to make other arrangements. I told her that I would take the kids and she could, "go ahead and commit adultery." That went over like a fart in church. She hung up on me.
She called back later and again tried to convince me to have her come over and help and I said no.
I am going crazy......
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
MC, I'm so sorry. I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but I don't. All I can say is that you are a wonderful man and father and you do not deserve any of this. You are right she does not deserve your sympathy. She made her bed now she needs to lie in it. She needs to think of someone else besides herself. I don't care how nice the the FFOM is, she has NO JUSTIFICATION for what she has done to your and your children!
Now that I've got all of that out of my system. Detach further and continue to take care of yourself and your children. You cannot change her. Just work on your own happiness.
Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
She wants it both ways, and you are right to show her it can't always be about her...stay strong brother. Let her whine about how hard this is on her--it's been entirely her choice.
You're not going crazy. You're a good guy doing the right thing.
Your wife is in lala land if she thinks that she can walk out on the marriage and will not lose financially. The only way it's financially good for her is if she has a good paying job or OM marries her and he makes a lot. I don't know your sitch, but it sounds like she's shooting herself in the foot by pursuing divorce rather than reconciliation.
