Got your email and I'm quie suprised to hear from you. I tried to reply and for some reason my email won't let me. I'll work on it and reply soon. I'm soooo happy for you! Can't wait to chat.
Berto
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts,that laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death
What a surprise to see you here. I don't come out to the boards very often anymore, mostly just to check on my sis. Nice to hear from you.
Your relationship with your ex sounds so much better than it did the last time we talked (which was about 3 years ago). And it sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your daughters which is what it's all about. 5 and 7? Wow....time sure does go by fast. If you can believe it, mine are now 16, almost 13 and 11. Enjoy the time you spend with them as it goes by so fast.
I remember the many conversations that we had discussing our exes, our children, etc. in the chatroom, camping and at the beach. As I recall, during almost all of those conversations, your interest lay in reconciling with your ex. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Having said that, maybe it's because your focus is no longer on her but more on your daughters and your new relationship, that your ex is doing her "power trips" with you. Maybe it's an attention ploy or maybe it's just her way of exercising her control over your relationship with the girls. Maybe she's just looking for a reaction from you. Those are just my thoughts.
It sounds like the communication between the two of you is good. You did say that you speak to her on the phone or through emails. Is there any reason why you can't continue to communicate about the girls that way? Why do you want to meet with her to discuss the girls? I'm just curious because I would much rather email with my ex concerning the kids than meet with him. Not only is my life too busy to arrange a meeting but seeing him every other weekend is more than enough for me, thanks...lol
Anyways, I wish you good luck with everything. It was great hearing from you.
And hi to Daybreak (ANewBob)! I always wondered how you were. I have great memories of our beach trip and I still have a picture of me on the balcony of our beach house with the "Bobs" (you and Berto being two of them).
I have simply documented everything she has done and will speak to my L about her many violations of our custody order. After this last spat, I have come the conclusion that whatever X does to me will roll off my back and I will use my L to communicate my wishes.
Exactly. That is why you have a lawyer. As much as we would like to have our X's work WITH us where the children are concerned it rarely works out that way. Don't count on her changing her patterns. As cold as it may seem treating it like a business is often the best way to go especially when the X is seriously uncooperative.
It's like old home week on this thread, my friend. Good to see you alive and well.
~ Cissy
{hi ya, Leenie-girl}
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
I'm so glad you posted. It isn't cold using my L, my X has her L fire a letter if I'm late with CS payment. It happened once and I thought how weird it was for X to use her L. It worked because I didn't let it happen again and should use the same tactics.
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts,that laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death
Exactly. She didn't hesitate to use her Lawyer. Follow her lead. Document each and every time. If she is violating your custody order she should be taken to task for it.
My X has this nasty habit of making plans for my son w/o discussing it with me first. His latest was to sign the kid up for a class that is held every weekend during the month of September while he {the X} had vacay planned for two weeks and wouldn't even be in the area. I am up to my eyeballs in wedding plans for my daughter and don't have the time or the energy to get the kid back and forth two days a week every weekend. I refused to play his silly game and he ended up making all the arrangements for the kid to get to class for the entire month. You would think he could figure out that I won't play his stupid games after all this time. The kid will be 18 in 9 months. I am just counting down the days at this point. Funny how they never change, isn't it?
GAH! Your kidlets are 5 and 7? Mine are 17 and 22. A senior in High School and a College Grad getting married next month. HOW did this happen? Doesn't the chat room fun seem like a million years ago???
~ Cissy aka Lurkerbabe
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
Yes, it does seem like a million years ago and I STILL have this woman in my life because of the girls.
Yes, my X pulls the same thing on me too as your X does. The only problem is that I bite the bait sometimes and let it get to me. It is rare that this happens but I am only human.
The case in point, the X has Saturdays and she HAS to go to this function that would cause D7 to miss her soccer game if I didn't help out because her fam. help has dried up. I have to work that night but I told her in no way D7 going to miss her game because X has to go out socially. What I did was work it so that gf and I would go to the game (first time gf meeting X) and they would drop me off at work.
I don't know how this leaves me because 1. X is ditching our girls for her own good not theirs, 2. She really doesn't care if gf watches our girls who she has never met, 3. I'm going to play very cool but I am wondering..........this is going to be weird, my gf meeting my X.
I have the Catholic guilt and my X doesn't, that is apparent. I could never be selfish over my Ds happiness, I simply put them first in my life.
Any thoughts?
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts,that laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death
I think that for the girls sense of security they need to know they can count on you. Even at such a young age kids tend to know the score and know which parent is truly looking out for them. I don't believe it will ever be a bad thing to put your kids needs ahead of your own even if it means you miss out on something you wanted to do or if you have to juggle.
I would guess, based on what I know of your X, that after meeting your gf she will ramp up the contact with you. It always was her MO. That probably hasn't changed. Reassure your GF that it means nothing to you and just ignore it if you can.
I have never made it a secret that my kids come first. My X is quite the opposite. My kids don't have much of a relationship with their dad because he has made it clear that his needs will always come first. My kids know who will be there for them no matter what. THAT is my reward in all this.
Yeah, She is getting married to her high school sweetheart. They have been together since 1999. He is a great young man and I am happy to have him in the family.
~ Cissy
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
Kids always first and they know that. They know who takes time to bathe them, who snuggles with them, who talks with them about life, who is involved with their studies, etc.
They love their mommy but they tell me that she doesn't spend quality time with them. She plops them in front of the TV and she goes in the kitchen, doing her own thing. She doesn't help them with homework, during family gatherings she just abandons them for the adults, drinking the night away. I was also told by my two squirts that mommy takes her wine bottles to grandma's house because she has so man bottles piled up on her recycling bin. These are things my girls are explaining to me without anykind of badgering from me. It is quite funny and scary at the same time.
So, yes LB, the girls know exactly what is going on, they tell me all the time. They often ask me to be extra nice to mommy so that she won't yell at daddy. My little one refers to her as the witch. I almost peed in my pants when I heard that.
Smile and nod, that is my tactic.
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts,that laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death
I really do not know. I will say that this year has been really nice because X has finally stopped sniffing glue. She has scored points for going out of her way to accomodate the girls and I, which is was never done before. She told me the other day that Jan. 1, she made a commitment to work harder at making things equal and stop being so controlling. She pointed that out after 9 months, she was right.
She also mentioned that she has given up on men, that she has never had luck with them. I beleive that comes from being raised by a scorned D mom. It was drilled into her that men are scum and will always screw you over. WIth that kind of talk, I can see why she isn't good with men.
I think the part about bad choices and not being shown her mistakes as a reason not to meet, that makes sense. That is called guilt and she is carrying a huge load of it I think. This past week see told me that she was sorry for the D but that I had to get rid of the chip on my shoulder. I used to make her feel like crap because of the D and the effect it will have on all of us. I believe with the girls now both in school, a new career that she cannot keep up with and all the social activities with the girls.........maybe she is seeing the light? Simply speculation.
So to answer your question, what if she wants me back? I will not make a move or bite on it but I am all ears. That is all I can do now. I cannot ask her if those are her motives, it makes me act like I'm chasing her. All I can do is listen and make it comfortable for her to open up, that is it.
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts,that laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death
She has scored points for going out of her way to accomodate the girls and I, which is was never done before. She told me the other day that Jan. 1, she made a commitment to work harder at making things equal and stop being so controlling. She pointed that out after 9 months, she was right.