LO--I totally felt the same way when things started coming back together with my H. It feels much different than you think it will because reality can't erase all the hurt/pain/fear. But you do have the knowledge and power needed to sail over those hurdles.
1-Continue to take care of you. 2-Keep your head out of the past/pain/fear of the future--keep your eyes on the ball (here and now) with the realization that it's possible you might get knocked down again, but it's also possible that this is for real. Either way, focusing on the hurt won't make you whole. It's a choice, and it's entirely your responsibility. 3-Take it a day at a time.
Best wishes! I hope this is a new beginning for you.
You have to look at the big picture or focus on your Northern Star. Maybe it is that you will be happily married grandparents? How do you get there together. You can keep DBing even now. He may need to pursue so you feel more stable about Piecing. You may need to agree with everything to make the path back to you a safe one. Affairs are an easy out and M takes work. Some WS choose affairs just because they seem easier. But if you are positive, cool, no low self esteem, you are showing you are happy if he comes back or not. That is irresistable. Don't get tired now. You have to focus on your Norther Star. Keep him home. Good DBing to you. Eye on the Prize!!! PS I wish I had your problem right now!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Another strange thing - I feel like following him around the house. Just to make sure it's real, I think.. The good thing is that the cell has been very quiet.
H is super irritable, though. Really crazy things just set him off and he "needs space". Two minutes later, he's hugging on me. Two minutes after that he's staring off into space with this sad look on his face. Very deep in thought. I somewhat get the feeling that he feels extremely guilty and somewhat depressed. I think it's time to broach the topic of mc again.
This is important.... you are in a weird transition time right now. You need to keep DBing and detaching for the next month or two. Do not change how you have been. Keep emotional distance (but don't be afraid to give love, listening and friendship without expecting, or getting anything back). JUST BE FRIENDS!!!! No EXPECTATIONS!!! In fact, expect that he could leave you.... He COULD change his mind. Don't stop GALing!!!!!!!!
The focus is not on your "marriage" you need to focus on "FRIENDSHIP." Stay strong. Try to enjoy a very slow building up of friendship, daily routine, normal daily junk, focus on kids, focus on YOU and the little things that make you happy...etc...
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
You mentioned on another thread you were going through some ups and downs. Just hang in there! I don't know if you've been reading Cat's thread but she has mentioned that the first few months can be a very difficult transition.
It does get much easier over time. Although I still stick around here to remind me to keep the PMA up and not obsess over past events. I am getting much MUCH better, but every once in awhile I'll ask questions or bring things up and it will cause a lot of srife or cause me to think a little wacky.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
It's been 10 weeks since my H said his "final" goodbye to OW and nine weeks that he has been home. Each week goes by seems to have less and less sadness from me. I was in a funk this AM but probably more due to the gray, rainy day. We are doing great as a family and the kids are taking us for granted again.
H and I are definately diff with each other - but in a good way. It's his 45th bday today and I am surprising him with custom tshirts for the family with his boat name on it - we bought a cabin cruiser for family vacations and he wants to name it - I have been telling him I will think about the name he wants when really I am going to give him the shirts with the boat pic and name on it. We will all have the same 'crew' shirt. I told him this boat is good for the next 30 bday gifts and then some!!
We celebrate our 17th wedding anniv this Sat. and I am not sure what to get him. Cannot believe we actually made it - if you would have told me last year at this time I would have seriously doubted it!
I hope you are doing well too!!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
ROOT, Yes.. I've been hitting some pretty low, lows lately. Everything seems to be pouring out in tears. Luckily, I've been able to keep my anger in check. So, in the the midst of my tears and my explanations of why I'm crying, all H can say is "that's understandable". WTH is THAT supposed to mean? Sometimes I get a hug with the "that's understandable".. sometimes, he just walks away after saying it. Like he doesn't want to deal with it/me!
We have been working well on becoming friends again although things are definately strained. He made some joke about ML tonight which I totally took offense to and then told me to "lighten up". Maybe he needs sensitivity training from Theo!
The other day H also forwarded me a joke that the ow had sent him and accidentally left her e-mail information on it! So, obviously there is still some contact going on ... Not sure how much longer I can deal with that. To me that shows that it really isn't over.
So, obviously there is still some contact going on ... Not sure how much longer I can deal with that. To me that shows that it really isn't over. 