Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Actually it had some holes all over my upper to shoulder parts and when I got home he was putting a paper airplane together w/ the girls. I went to do the dishes and he looked up, twice, and right at the twins which(btw the girls are very tan right now).
How are you doing lately? Your W still teasing you w/ her pj's?
Those pjs are brutal! Headlights permanently on and then the backrubs, cold shower time
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Chicki, glad that you had a nice time out and H was cool with it.
Me: 41 H: 39 D: 6 S: 4 M-14 T-16 first bomb: 5-12-07 (M dead doesn't really want to work things out.) second bomb: 6-4-2007 (found note he wrote about wanting desperately to be with OW and would have to give up everything) Kelley
Headlights permanately on- he he..thats what my H calls them:)
Kelley,
Yeah when I got home I could tell he was still pissy, he barely made any eye contact w/ me. I acted as if, put my smile on and continued to do my daily chores.
H told me my his father moved out of his GF (btw FIL is also a big time adulterer left MIL back in PR 3 years ago and still M) house cuz of her sons still being a bum ,not working and now is doing mariguana in their home and his GF will not do anyting about it. Anyways FIL is coming over today to leave us his ride on lawnmower since he is leaving to go back to PR, but no mention fo his moving back w/ MIL (Im sure will not happen). I listened very attentively as I have been praying my inlaws get back togehter and hopefully H will get a clue b/c right now its A.O.K to live the same lifestyle as his dad.
H told me to leave the garage door unlocked and he also asked his dad to mow our lawn which I thanked H for. H showed me he put in our freezer a case of toast sricks(h use to get this from work for me for daycare, helps w/ the cost). I was pleasantly surprised as I stopped asking him for these along time ago. He was wearing a very nice looking blue shirt I never saw before and I think he noticed me checking him out. Thank God I was not in need of you know what, but I was only admiring how handsome he looked.
This is my weekend w/ the girls and there is a hispanic festival going on & I hope the weather cooperates so I can take the girls and pig out on all the good spanish food.
Enough rambling, what is everyones plans for the weekend??
Yes your correct on the taxes. You've been doing your research?
What part of Fl?? I am up north and it took ahwile getting use to it coming from Sanfrancisco. This part is kinda laid back, really good to raise your kid in.
Okay. If you don't want to take responsibility for your actions I am wasting my time typing my concerns to you. If you only want people to pat you on the back no matter what you do, tell me not to post to you anymore -- and I seriously mean that. I only posted what I did to help you. In my last post regarding my concern with your communication with H, you basically dismissed it. This post has pretty much gotten the same treatment. Do you think I was wrong to post what I did? Was I just off the mark?
Quote:
And I have read some of your old posts you have your days aslo.
Why are you pointing fingers, chicki? Is this what you think I'm doing? This isn't about me, it's about you, and avoiding your own sitch by redirecting the focus at others whenever they say something you don't like isn't going to benefit you. It's like you want validation and justification for everything you do instead of true, caring advice when it seems you're making a DBing mistake. Case in point: I tell you that calling your H's GF his "W" to him isn't DBing and is unhealthy interaction, and you respond with this:
Quote:
GD,
In Gods eyes and in the Bible it states H is living as man and wife. I am only stating the hard truth.
Chicki, that is a copout and you know it. Are you telling me that it is perfectly acceptable DBing (and mature communication with H) to call H's GF his "W" to him? Okay, thinking it and venting it here is one thing, but acting it out with H is quite another. It is anger and hurt that you are feeling which causes you to say this, so don't try to tell me (or yourself) that "OW doesn't bother me or come in mind." You wouldn't say these things to H if that was true, would you? You made the situation about OW, not him. You've not healthily and constructively dealt with this issue yet, and that is why you're still hitting H below the belt with such comments.
Quote:
I am really enjoying this singleness and so much that the last time H truly wanted to return *I* told him not too that it was too soon.
Your decision to not have H return was only because you were enjoying being single? I don't understand this. Shouldn't it be based on whether or not both of you are healthy within yourselves and willing/able to work on your M with the necessary changes made? It should have nothing to do with enjoying the "single" life. Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but that is what it seems like you're saying. I'm glad you told him it was too soon because I completely agree with you. However, it sounds like your reasoning for it is unjustified.
Also chicki, regarding the comment about reading my old threads, once I found DBing I immediately made changes in me and the way I communicated with W. I was a jerk many a time prior to DBing (and during my M), but I have NOT ONCE reverted back to my old ways, yelling at her, delivering low blows, landing guilt trips, etc since finding DBing. I have vented here about things I wasn't happy with, but made the necessary changes in how I related to W. Even when she yelled at me, cursed at me, brought OM to the house or an event, etc, I didn't stoop down to her level. You must be honest with yourself and admit when you've slipped -- you cannot work on yourself and get better until you're willing to acknowledge your mistakes. Trying to justify your actions by redirecting focus on others and what they did isn't allowing yourself to do the needed work in your own life.
I've only tried to help you, because I think that is the responsibility of all of us when we see our fellow DBers make mistakes or miss certain points. I feel like many times people give support for anything just to not make waves or ruin newly made friendships. However, I would never condone the poor actions of a friend and support such actions. Even if it meant that they got mad at me, I would still do it. Doing the right thing, esp with friends and people you care about, is HARD -- but it is NECESSARY if you want them to better themselves. This is all I've done for you, chicki. But again, tell me now if you don't want my opinions and advice anymore. If you think my concerns have been invalid and have not been helpful, I will not post them anymore.
(I'm starting to feel like OT, but I'm still not that sandpapery.)
So you have not reverted back to your old ways NOT ONCE!!! I wish I were perfect like that,but God is still working on me and will continue to do so. WHY? Because NO ONE here on earth is perfect only HIM.
I am willing to hear criticism ,but YOU only write to me when according to you I have failed again. When I have detached and responded to H accordingly, ummm you dont write. You have kids? I hope you dont father them this way? I hope you dont just repermand when done wrong and never praise when they have done good?
AND yes you understood the enjoying singleness incorrectly. I enjoy the PEACE and quiet,no walking on eggshells around H. This is NOT the reason why I told H to hold off. I told him it ws too soon for I thought he was coming back for the wrong reasons. I told him he needed to get OW out his system first. I didnt want him to come back and then continue going from woman to woman.
Even my SIL doesnt want to be around H. H does not care who he hurts and this includes SIL,MIL or his nephew. When H would play video games w/his nephew he could not let his nephew win him b/c H would get down to a kids level and have temper tantrum if H lost. H would literally take his aggravation out on his nephew an get too rough with him. I guess this is why God didnt give us any boys.
The more I call H's woman his girfreind is like making it sound "pretty" and ok for him to "date" like a teenage boy. My mom even told me at the start of all of this to not call her his GF.The woman is now his wife, she shares his everything,cooks for him and she and her kid are the ones he protects in the middle of the night.
It would be nice to hear from you when I am NOT backsliding in any way.
Also, why sugar coat my H's R by calling her his GF? I beleive mostly on the DB tactics,but you can only sugar coat enough. Part of the REALITY we want our WAS to come to is this! The truth is he is living as man and wife. TV and society and MEN have made it seem so morally right and almost like a REWARD to men to have GFs. All these shows like SOPRANOS & BIG LOVE make men/women beleive its acceptable and almost down right GLAMOUROUS to live this lifestyle.
I can understand you wanting to help but everyone likes to hear when they do good even if it is only once in a blue moon.
You see not everyone here writes all there bad convos or interactions. I dont mind b/c this is my JOURNALING. Hit me w/ 2x4's, dont mind. BUT do tell me when I do good......
