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Exactly-Absolutely!!!

I've recently finished 'The 5 Love Languages' extremely inciteful. I learned that my Love Language is Physical Touch so this whole thing is obviously trying...I tell her 'no pressure' though; we're not counting down to anything. To the best of my guesses her Love Language is either or a mix of Personal Service or Words of Affirmation. She's not all that interested in taking the quiz to know for sure...but this is all new and somewhat uncomfortable. With time I'm sure.

I'll take a look at the book you suggested; I know in my case I 'was' in large majority the problem. Gives me focus on what to do in the future.

Thanks for your words.

My W actually agreed to do the questionaire the other week. She was a little uncomfortable with it, especially with questions like 'do you prefer when H holds your hand or...'

Told her to just focus on when times were good or what the ideal would be. I had thought before we did this that her LL was Quality Time as she had asked for that quite often during previous discussions. Turns out she is really Words of Affirmation (followed closely by Quality Time). When I tallied up results she agreed that Words of Affirmation really do make her feel good.

Now I just need to put this into action.
BTW, my LL is also Physical Touch. I think I had a perfect score in that category.

Dis, just remember that during this time it is a lot easier for you to provide words of affirmation and quality time than it is for her to provide physical affection due to the circumstances. My LL is physical affection and followed by quality time. ATM my W can provide neither. But my for my W it is service and then words of affirmation. So those are fairly easy for me to do when the opportunity arises. I swear those of us crave physical affection are doomed cuz we only get them when the W is happy with us. :P

Yeah I was a 12 in Touch, 6's in everything but Gifts got a 0 there.

I figure she'll get to it eventually...I can always ask her again in another couple weeks.

Right on target there. At least she's been honest about it and has come out and told me that she can't go 'there' yet. On the upside, she has been making an effort for some little bits of intimacy. Little kisses hello and goodbye. I'll take what I can get at this point.

Roger that. My W and I talked yesterday over coffee at the boys taekwondo practice like we hadn't talked in recent memory. Must have been better than an hour between the coffee house and dojo. It really felt good to just talk and listen. I really felt like she had let her hair down a little. No R talk at all just this and that.

It was kind of like the one golf shot during the game that gets you back over the next year. It was so nice.

How true. I like that comparison. Amazing how one really good event / discussion can erase so much of the recent negatives.

Tidbit from this evening...

Over all a good day. My W and I are looking into airfare/rent car for her to vacation over her Bday week in a month or so back to an old assigmnent. This lead to us spending the night before the flight in New Orleans, early plane out. Now the insinuation is there for some manner of intimacy but certainly not implied. Just a few minutes later she tells me we'll have sex before she leaves on her trip.

Well, she had my attention before but now she's peaked my interest. She proceedes with I'm not really interested in any kissy stuff or oral anything just to have sex.

As much as I can't believe I'm about to type this I'm thinking it none the less. She initiates hardly any touching; hasn't kissed me on the lips in weeks, and no ILY in longer. How can she want to 'go all the way' on so very little. There would appear to be a vast difference in what 'sex' means right now to her than what it means to me. To me with the magnitude of this project we are working on (our R) I'm not sure I want to just have sex. I want it to mean something.

I want her right now probably more than ever before but I almost fell like I may be being test driven or something. Being a male I'll probably do it; I just hope it turns into something more than just a f*ck!

Don't know about you but for my W sex can be just sex. Purely physical. No emotional aspect at all. Apparently she's been doing that for a while before I moved out. Me, I can't do that period. It is an emotional connection for me.

If I had the offer at this point, I'd have a hard time turning it down. Especially if it was spontaneous. Planning a time for sex with no intimacy though... I think I might have to tell her I'd rather wait. You and me both have been waiting an awful long time right? You might want to let her know that you don't want maintenance sex when your trying to repair the R. It might be healthy sometimes in a working R, but I think it would be counterproductive in the current situation. I can remember times that I would really feel lousy after the act when I realized she hadn't really been into it. Doing this with the current situation would just magnify those feelings. Those few minutes would feel great, but think about your emotional state afterwards. What just happened? What did that mean? etc, etc.

Let her know that you would love to take her up on her offer, but you can wait a little while longer. Let her know that its more than just the sex.