Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? There and Back, #6

its amazingly hard for me to think of things I like to do w/o invovling kids or H. but I'm starting to get better at it. think its going to take a while to explore fully, though.

one thing I love to do, although used to do with H, is go to the theatre...I'm off to see wicked now! yay! H bought the tix last fall and I squirreled them away once he moved out. haven't brought it up, he's either forgotten about it or doesn't have the balls to. so I asked one of my best friends to go. we're going to have few cocktails, go out to one of our favorite restaurants for dinner, and then off to the show.

H has called a few times today. he's noticed that S5 is acting up a bit, asked me if I thought it was his age and I told him no, I think its everything that is going on. I do. that's a lot for a little boy to deal with. which reminds me to get off of my butt and start looking for that play therapist for him. he's not bad, don't get me wrong, don't think he's going to be the next serial killed or something but I'd like to nip any behavioral issues in the bud, and make sure we are doing all we can for him as parents. he's the sweetest kid in the world, would like him to continue to be himself as much as possible.

lwb, I need to run now, so no chance to check out your thread. hope all is okay!

OK theatre. That is a good start! Really good start. I like that idea. May I steal it?

I think you are right about your S5 but I don't think your H will care enough to show he cares enough if you know what I mean. They will just bury that guilt downn in their Guilt Bank and lock it up with all the other lousy deposits.

My D6 is also acting up and acting lost at school. She freaked out on Friday because her Scout Buddy was sick and her mom was supposed to take them to the Scout meeting. I finally had to tell her teacher the 411 of why she is lost sometimes and confused.

Well at least he is now noticing S5's issues, wasn't he ignoring them in the past? But you were honest and said you thought it was what it was. It might not change anything with H, but I bet it changes how he deals with S5 (calmer, since he knows its his fault).

mk, Sorry about D6. How awful to think of that sad, lost face at school. She should be loving school!!

Let's hope for more wake up calls for the H like that one. Like, "Hello" cause and effect, consequences. That's what they mean by "Being a man", etc. It's just that we cannot prod that to happen. They need to come to the realization themselves, right? Hey, what are you doing home on a Saeturday night?

Me??

Oh well, you know. We were both supposed to go out (separately) tonight and our sitter couldn't come. This is how it went down:

H: Is ____ coming? What time are you leaving?

Me: She couldn't come.

H: Oh ok.

H gets in the shower and proceeds to go out.

I was just discussing this that H *knows* I will pick up the slack with the kids. I would never '180' on that and he realizes this. That's fine. I know they wouldn't be as happy with any other sitter but the one we use, so I'm home. I just poured myself into the kids and we had another great time together. Between you and me, I am glad our sitter couldn't come, but I'll be going out next weekend.

No ways! Really? Well, yeah I am always the default parent but now I get the kids and that means the world to me! I took the kids to the mall. I would have never done that, but guess what? There were tons of strollers at the mall. I did not feel bad at all and I did some retail therapy because my mom gave me sympathy cash! Happiness.

Yes, we are all the default parents! Yipee! Really, they are the ones missing out. This is critical time with these young ones. My H was shocked at how much the kids have changed in a little over a week. Well, duh! Once they grow, they don't go back to being little again. It's a one time deal. You snooze, you lose. (You get the picture)

morgan, how was your night?

Regarding married friends and "3rd Wheel Syndrome":

Don't question their motivations. Don't assume you are an imposition. Accept their hospitality when it is offered, if it is helpful to you, and decline politely when you feel like wallowing at home alone.

They are your friends, and yes, maybe they are trying to help. Let them! If you turn away, you will grow apart. This is how friends are lost, and why it seems like you divorce a whole social set instead of just your S.

There are enough 'friends' out there who are too uncomfortable to call or don't want to take sides or whatever. Don't let go of the ones who care enough to make an effort, just because you feel like you're imposing. That's what friends are for!

hey all, default parent back at work. lol.

last night was amazing. truly amazing. I had so much fun with my friend, we had some wine, a great dinner, and the show was phenomenal. I swear, if you get a chance to see this touring company, run, don't walk. they were fantastic. couldn't have asked for a better night. bought the cd, blasted it the whole way home, and just downloaded it to my ipod.

things did not go so well with H today. not good at all...but hey, at least this sunday I can say sex wasn't involved at all.

he's irritated because I started back on the lets not talk about our social lives, so I never did tell him what I was doing last night. I did tell him I was out with my friend, so he knew that much, told him that friday night, but today decided I really needed to knock it off, I was getting too cozy again. I was telling my friend today that it feels like we are playing poker, and I have all my cards layed out on the table while he has all of his in concealed in his hand.

it just got a little nasty. him sneering at me that I can't even have a normal conversation with him, that its not stuff that matters, so why can't I just talk to him. I told him I'd get there, he sneered again, so I fired back, "so what are you and OW doing this afternoon? is that what you want to talk about???" he got mad, said he was going to the mall to get new clothes (again???) and wasn't going to be with her at all. blah blah blah. then he went on to say, "we don't have to talk about things we shouldn't talk about to each other, but what's wrong with telling me about your night with G?" I stormed away (yeah, bad db-er) and fired, "must be nice for this all to be so easy" at him over my shoulder.

long story short, I started crying a bit inside, clearly frustrated, he was very irritated at me in general, and definitely that I teared up. he only even said goodbye to me when he left because I did to him.

so not such a great morning, but a great night last night. so think I'll concentrate on the afterglow of my evening and try to put the morning behind me.