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Saffie,

You are too funny! It's a good think you aren't here in California because you and I could probably cook up some great (but legal!) OW revenge plots together. Yikes!!!!

Girl,
You really have hit the nail on the head about some of the feelings I've struggled with as well. I too was bothered most about the idea that she was "chosen" over me, and the lengths my husband went to in order to be with her... which to me indicates enormous depth, emotion, passion... more so than with me. It's not a great feeling and unfortunately I still struggle with this even though I know that through time she seems to be fading into the background.

Aud,

In regards to the new sexual life you have been enjoying with your former alien/returned H, praise God!

Call me a simple girl, but I just feel fantastic when our sex life is good. It has only been good for a few short interludes. I feel much less depressed and I have a lot more compassion and patience towards him. This will be a huge future goal for me. I have realized that a good sex life is a real core issue of importance for me. I am kind of like a man in that way. It makes me feel really loved.

Well, one week and he will be moved in completely. Today he will start moving some small things. He has been looking for a new job. He has had a really positive attitude lately.

My best friend is here visiting. She has just been left by her husband of ten years. She has been posting on this forum and it has helped her some, but she is just in total shock, grief and anger. I told her that I need help with redeeming some places in my city that remind me of the OW and my H together. The OW's neighborhood, for starters. I am tired of driving past places and feeling that sinking, defeated, humiliated feeling. I want to make new, powerful memories in those places. I will let you all know what we come up with.

The week counts down...
The Girl

Hooray! I feel so hopeful and excited about the future of my marriage!

Can I just bask in this for a while, before the cruel reality of being disappointed or being betrayed hits me again?

I am really feeling huge amounts of success on the eve of my H moving back in. He has been saying that he is excited to return.

My house is ripped apart as I am organizing things for his stuff to start arriving tomorrow. We will be sleeping in the same bed together, the first time in six months, tomorrow!

His job hunt is going well and I am truly praying that he finds a job that he can have satisfaction doing. I am actually hoping that he gets out of the mortgage industry entirely. Too many bad memories and associations with that kind of work.

Hooray! My family looks like it is going to stay together! I am on top of the world!
The Girl

Congratulations, TG! I am happy for you. You have maintained a slow and steady pace and you are reaching your goals. You are an inspiration to many of the people here.

I know I am a bit late in replying to this but what the heck.

Firstly Girl - yippee doodah yay!!!!! You done good!! You make those good strong memories and make sure you tell us about them. They do help. I keep on trying to do the same. It's a good attitude to have I think.



Now root you and I can be scarely similar at times!!! So try thinking like this instead and see if it helps. The lengths your H went to to be with her were not 'to be with her' but diversionary tactics he was using to run away from the unhappiness he was feeling from not being close / happy with you - for whatever reason. What our H's did was run away - it happened that OW offered them a way to divert their attention but it wasn't so much about OW.

If they got so much of a better deal with OW they would still be there. Actually OW was not the full package in many ways. Duh - doesn't take Einstein to see this but we look at it from our hurting, injured 'rejcted' perspective on low days and forget that.

Now don't think I am going soft here and letting either of our H's off the hook here or the OWs'Our H's should have stood and communicated with us instead of 'dipping their wick' and OW - well don't start me, but she should have known better that knowing my H!!!

I can see that my H's A did have some positive effects. Sometimes I think he could have shouted at me about all the things that were wrong in our M until he was blue in the face and I wouldn't have listened. On these boards don't we tend to go on 'actions speak louder than words' - well I think my H's actions were like a prisoner's 'dirty' protest. Well OW ranks alongside what would have been on the prison walls!!!! I had stopped listening to him if I am honest, or we were no longer talking the same language anyway. I was running away as well and putting lots of effort into other things - I just happened not to choose another relationship with another person.

I can see it wasn't about OW and passion and effort put into OW - it was about making a statement about our M. They wouldn't be back otherwise.

Still want to do something to OW though - she was an enabler, ( actually very much a pursuer). She does deserve retribution - divine or otherwise. I am sure in time it will come. You can't go around causing harm like that at not having it come back at some point - I sincerely hope!!



I'm a booking my flight - sounds like a great vacation theme. Who needs fcuking Disney - we can have themed OW lala Land holidays!!! Lets start designing some rides. OOh I am going to think about this as I do my house work today.

Saffie

root,

That bench you told me about that used to bother you and now doesn't? For some reason that has been on my mind for various reasons which are a bit too long winded to go into here BUT I really do think it wouldn't be there 10 years later if I was you and that frightens me about me. I would have eithet gone and axed it on night or lit a fire underneath it!!! At the very least I would have put balloons and streamer on it and spray painted initials onto it to make my H feel embarrassed!!

Very good job I don't live near you - I think I am going to have this forgiveness thing a bit longer Must be PMT - has been going on for 3 wks now!!!

Saffie

Girl,

I hope things are still going great. You are in a honeymoon phase that feels fabulous... definitely enjoy and try to string is out for as long as possible and create new healthy patterns in your marriage. Hug and kiss that guy many times every day and whisper how much you appreciate this or that thing he has done for the day.

You may come up with some future road blocks, but just check here in piecing and we'll help you though.

Saffie you offer wise words and I do think in may ways we have some similar experiences, outlook, and a similar feistyness about things.

Hi the girl,
My H just moved back on friday after 5 mos. separation. he was or still is having an affair for last 10 mos. at least. He told me for the last month he wasnt talking or seeing ow anymore but i called her H on Friday and he told me they are still speaking.
I called my H at work and told him to get all of his sh-- out of my house and that I was filing next week. He said if you would be happy I will come home, I said if you were home Id be happy. He said he was moving home that night.
I am very glad but very nervous he will continue contact with ow. My heart has been broken so many times the last 5 mos. but at least Im living and sleeping with him and shes not.We had sex the last 2 days also. I felt very confused if I wanted to do this or not, but felt that was one of the reasons he cheated on me because of lack of sex.
m-43
h-49
s-13
m-19 yrs

Rysmom,

If possible take a look at the book "Not 'Just Friends.'" This will help you understand things a little better. I think it's very postivie that your husband doesn't want to lose his marriage. Keep in mind OW can be extremely addictive like a drug (not the person, but the feelings associated with that relationship... the dynamics).

Rysom,

Where is your thread?

My H also moved back this past friday after ALSO after 5 month seperation, but you are doing mich better than I am.H left back that night, all stuff si still home & the next morning he went out of town for business.