Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? There and Back, #6

Stupid boys!!! HMPH

I just don't see how he can even expect you to be so open and honest about your life, when YOUR life is in such shambles because of all the secrets HE kept/is still keeping. I am sorry but I loved your comment about his plans today, totally zinged him. But really, he has to feel that loss, that loss of connection with you. He can't have it all. Yes, you could share what you wanted with him and you aren't playing games with him, but you have learned its easier to stick to business.

I am still wondering what he thought about the sex in the last couple of weeks with you. Don't tell me he doesn't think of it, because I think he does. He has had ALL this time apart from you to try and have sex, and he just does this now?? Hmmmm

Wipe your tears, and finish having a good Sunday, young lady.

you all will be proud of me. I had a whole e-mail composed to H, re-explaining my position, going on about how the sex was making me re-attach to him, etc, etc, etc. not quite 14 year old material, but way too much. called my friend (the therapist, not my therapist) who promptly had me delete that puppy unsent. lol. hey, it felt good to get it out, even if he never saw it.

took the kids out to play for a bit but a weird thing is happening...I'm having an allergy attack. I'm not one who is prone to seasonal allergies (only cats and occasionally dust set me off). we only stayed outside for an hour or so because of it, but while the kids were running around, I got the garage cleaned out. normally h's domain (he loves to do stuff like that) but I think I did a pretty respectable job. still need to do my home depot run, but will hold off till this week. going to figure out when I'm supposed to drop the fall/winterizing fertilizer and do that, and figure out the shed roof. yep, I am woman, hear me roar.

its getting to be so cold at night here. those of you in colder climates, do you all find it cold earlier in the fall at night in bed? I don't mean lonely, I mean, I'm ready to pull the down out and its only september. I have a thick comforter on my bed as it is, and last night I found myself up in the middle of the night just freezing, having to pull a quilt out to throw over it. apparently the little furance I called my H is going to be greatly missed in more ways than one this year.

but again, I'll make due. I have flannel sheets I can pull out once the down isn't enough, and I suppose I can always find some warmer jammies. H...who needs him?

sigh.

lwb, not sure if h has thought about the sex or not. could be that it just felt good at the time, and that was that. last spring during one of our talks he told me when he was with her, he didn't think about me at all, and when he was with me, he didn't think about her. not sure how much that is true, but could be.

Yes, its been cold here at night too. In the 40's I think last night which is odd for this early in September, but whatever. The house is chilly at night and especially early in the morning. But, the funny thing is, H and I rarely cuddled while we slept (did so while talking in bed, but not actual sleep), but the cold makes me miss him. Heck, getting the mail makes me miss him so DUH.

Yes, we will make due, we have to. We will be the furnace to our chilly babies.

Sorry about your allergies.

PS: Go to http://www.scotts.com (the lawn people) and they have a chart on what to throw down on the lawn and when......

lwb, is h still living at home?

thanks for the scotts link

Yes, still home. He was supposed to move out this weekend. Then told me last Thursday that he would probably be moving out next weekend because we need to have some talks first. Not sure what that meant. Of course, part of me wants a clear cut answer here as in "I'll be out Friday", but I (and others here have given this advice) have figured out that I don't want him to go, why push him out with questions. Why should I call his bluff?

Teeny part of me wants him out, but really I don't when I sit and obsess...oops I mean think...about it.


Came back to add: H is at home, but put himself on the couch in May/June....has the nerve to complain about the couch. Dude, then shut up and come back upstairs. I won't force you to talk R talk every night and I can promise to TRY not to stab you while you are peacefully sleeping.....

Don't you hate the double standard thing? We're supposed to respect their privacy, but we're supposed to be an open book?

Actually. for yhe most part, my H doesnt seem to care what I'm up to most of the time. Until lately, I didn't give him a chance to wonder b/c I was always an open book.

Keep him wondering.

Don't worry about his AM. Just pick yourself up, and get back on track. Take a breather til you feel ready.

I think I knew he was still home, lwb, sorry for the lapse, my brain is fried from all the sneezing. my h did the couch thing...I hated it. I can't even remember if I was the one who put him there or if he moved there, but I don't want a roomie, I want a husband, so the couch did not work for me. nope, not at all. and he got rather comfy down there most of the time. did yell at me once that he was relagated to it and that I should ask him back to the bed, I did ask him once and he refused. its all rather sketchy now. I just know if he ever comes back home, I will not do the couch thing again, I want a real husband or I don't want him here.

neph, the double standard thing really is annoying. he doesn't get it. he so easily lies to me now, whereas I am not a liar in general so I need to go to the not talking about it, rather than possibly lying. trying, trying, trying to get things back on track and back about myself. I really did have a good weekend overall, so won't let that spoil it.

I hate the lies more than anything else. I too am incapable of lying so I just have to keep my mouth shut.

Neph: My mother says this has always been my biggest weakness. She says I always tell the truth and expect others to be honest too. She says that is a big disadvantage in business. And business is life. I answer, 'I always thought family was life?" She snarls, "Without the business there would be no family!" Godfather, she is friggin Asian Brando.

Morgan: It is very warm here in the Wine Country. It is called Indian Summer and yes, that makes me miss my H as we would spend a lot of time admiring the harvesting of the grapes. Very Walk in The Clouds. We were married in a vineyard, bought a house near a vineyard and were to have our ashes spread in a vineyard. So fall is great for lovers. What about us? Sucks.

Still I have a house and healthy kids and a good wine collection. So let's have a glass with some Sonoma Jack and salut to autumn and another year of the harvest. This next year will be the best yet not the worst. There are rough roads ahead but we have been through some of the roughest and have come out OK.