He "returned your call" when you didn't leave a message. He's been waiting for contact, and jumped on it. He was being all cool, not answering, letting it go to vmail. But then you didn't leave a message, so he had to call. And then when you didn't need anything, he tried to prolong the contact, and then leave matters unsettled so you'd need to call back. Don't.
Your H said he was "thinking about" having them this weekend. Well, it's Friday afternoon and he needs to have planned it out a little better than that.
Your response was that you would "think about it" too. That's not telling him no. And you have been thinking about it, and you've decided that an overnight for S2 might be ok but not for the baby.
OK. But don't tell him that. Wait and see if he makes any concrete plans. He won't. But if he does, then don't tell him he can't see his kids, ask him what his plans are. If it involves an overnight for both, ask him: "How do you plan to feed the baby?"
If you tell him he can't have them overnight, he will either demand to, or more likely use that as an excuse not to see them at all ("you're so controlling!!"). If you let him figure it out, he will realize that he doesn't want to deal with a nursing 5mo old overnight without her mommy.
Right now you are tempted to call him and say, "Its Friday, are you taking the kids or not?" But don't. Obviously if he was going to, he would have told you by now. He may call tonight or tomorrow and try to figure something out for Saturday night or just for a few hours. Or not at all. Go on about your weekend as if you won't hear from him, and be pleasantly surprised if he does arrange something with the kids.
Well Neph I left the letter with the check for his truck pmt. I talked to him shortly after to find out what time he's coming tonight and he was in a terrible mood. I guess maybe the letter pissed him off or something I dont know. Im out of ideas Im going dark now and Im going to try and move on with my life. With the OW in the picture I dont think he will ever come to his senses. His mom (who I talk to daily) seems to think he's lost his mind. I think I agree. I swear its screaming MLC but hes only 24. Guess his just hit him young. Our anniversary is next Tues I asked him about going to dinner and he said yeah but I dont think Im going to bring it up unless he does.
M-21 H-24 Separation 08-01-07 No Kids Married 3 yrs (Sept 18) Together 5 yrs
Kristy, I know this is hard, but you have to back off. Don't bring up your anniversary again. Just let it go. Don't call him. If there is something re: finances that absolutely must be addressed, e-mail him, but don't look for excuses to contact him. Don't push issue of OW, what he's doing, your relationship, the future, etc.
Focus on you. Don't drive by his apt. Hang out with friends, go to the movies, whatever you enjoy.
If you haven't gotten and read The Divorce Remedy, then I would recommend disappearing for a few days to do so.
There is still hope for you and your H, but you have to stop doing what you are now doing because it will push him farther away. It's time to do something different. Hang in there! You can do it. A lot of us have been in your shoes and know how scary it is. Learn from our experiences (good and bad).
Me29 H33 D9 months S2 S9(previous R) Sep 8-19-07 I file 11-5-07 H home (Retro) 2-15-08 "Today is the tomorrow of yesterday." -- S9
I have dropped the issue of the OW completely. I dont call him unless necessary. But Ive decided now after tonight (we are meeting to discuss finances) I will not call him at all and I wont answer his calls on every 3rd call. I have been hanging out with the few friends I have around here a lot lately. He's very inquisitive of what Im doing. I tend to make up things to make him jealous. I have Divorce Remedy and I read the whole book in one sitting. I am going to do the best I can but its so hard. Ive been doing well with not calling him and I havent rode by his apt any the last few days. Im getting there slowly but surely I have placed it all in God's hands and whatever happens is bc that is the way God wants it Im just going to have to accept that. Thanks for the advice. Ill vent on here and keep you posted as to what happens tonight.
M-21 H-24 Separation 08-01-07 No Kids Married 3 yrs (Sept 18) Together 5 yrs
