Something has got to change. This is truly driving me off the edge of sanity.
For sure...something has to change.
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Here's the thing - almost no one knows about this.
How many people know? Maybe that's part of the problem. They say affairs strive in secrecy.
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If I move out, it really will be over at that point. They will never forgive him or speak to him.
I struggled a lot with this myself. However, XH acted so irrational...everyone just figured it out...I never came out and told my family about the affair, but I think they assume.
I think that you need to step back. You cannot worry about your family's reaction...that will change with time. You need to do what's best for you. I don't think that you should have to continue to protect him. He is doing wrong...very wrong. As long as he thinks he can get away with this lifestyle he will. My XH was the same way. He did not want to get divorced, but he did not want to face what he had done. Your H has so much fixing and growing to do before you can have a healthy marriage again. If he is too proud...too stubborn...too arrogant...I don't know if that will ever happen...my XH couldn't.
Maybe you can just go dark while you are still living together. Where is Theo when you need him? I don't really know how well this would work for you because like me you seem to easily get pulled back on the rollercoaster everytime you see him. At the very least, you should not be meeting any of his needs at this point. He needs to know what life is like without Olive.
Here is excerpt from an article that might help you... "When a divorce occurs, it is because the infidel can not escape the affair in time or cannot face going back into a marriage in which he is now known and understood and can no longer pose as the white knight spotless and beyond criticism.
Appropriate guilt is always helpful, though it must come from a raging, nasty spouse;anger is a lousy seduction for anyone except terminal weirdos. Guilt is good for you. Shame, however, makes people run away, and hide.
The prognosis after an affair is not grim, and those who have strayed have not lost all their value. The sadder but wiser infidel may be both more careful and more grateful in the end."
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
The prognosis after an affair is not grim, and those who have strayed have not lost all their value. The sadder but wiser infidel may be both more careful and more grateful in the end."
This is so true and I've said this to my W not quite in that way but that it'd be hard and we can have an even better marriage. That was like 3 weeks ago. I don't think she's ready to believe it yet. Maybe she will maybe not. I think an affair is a test of everyone. It's a test of the LBS's metal and a test of the infidel's ability to own their mistakes and work to be a better person. It's hard on both parties but it truly is the only way to live. "An unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
H 30 (me) W 28 Married 9 yrs 2 children EA found out on 7/5/07 ILYBNILWY 8/25/07 The unexamined life is not worth living -Socrates
I just re-read my post and noticed a typo. The phrase should say..."Appropriate guilt is always helpful, though it must not come from a raging, nasty spouse; anger is a lousy seduction for anyone except terminal weirdos." Makes a little more sense this way.
