Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? There and Back, #5

lwb, you need to pop billy in and have at it..the punching and kicking is a good thing sometimes. very therapeutic.

in spite of the w/o, I'm getting more and more irritated as the day goes on...totally hormonal, I can feel it. I am putting myself on a no-talk to H for 24 hours. I know if I do I'll start going off on him about stuff. not good. he said he might come by to see the kids tonight...if he does, I'm going to the gym, no ifs, ands, or buts. going to sweat it out and hopefully the few minutes I'll be around him will go quickly and the endorphin high will counteract everything else.

don't mind me. once again, I just feel like having a good rant about everything that is going on. not a productive one, not a productive bone in my body today, just good old fashioned hormonal anger and rage.

Hi morgan.

I'm getting more and more irritated as the day goes on...totally hormonal, I can feel it.

I'm outta here then. Don't want to be caught accidentally as a gender-specific target or anything...

I am putting myself on a no-talk to H for 24 hours.

if he does, I'm going to the gym, no ifs, ands, or buts. going to sweat it out

Sounds like a good plan.

One more thing I'd add...

hopefully the few minutes I'll be around him will go quickly and the endorphin high will counteract everything else.

I saw two helpful strategies to deal with potentially emotionally charged situations that couldn't be avoided.

One was the old "count to ten (fifty, whatever) before responding so you get a chance to choose wrods carefully instead of impulsively.

The other was for people who less sure of ther ability to be restrained... Keep a bottle of water nearby, and everytime you're supposed to say something take a swig first. Then you can just hang onto it for as long as you like before speaking...

Take care,

I like the bottle water thing. I have zero self-control 90% of the time when dealing w/H.

Morgan, if detaching/going grey worked in the past, then you know what to do. Then he knows you're not really in your place in his circle.

morgan, hormones suck!!! Hope the night goes well for you. I love that water idea!!

thanks all. funny about the bottled water thing...I did that a couple of times, when I first started db-ing. I hadn't heard of doing it, just found myself doing it instinctively. it did help. I will never forget it, because that was the first major talk we had where I controlled my emotions...and that threw him off so much, he didn't. huge 180.

H did end up coming by, and I did head off to the gym. felt sooo good. he was really tired, really stressed, and had a headache. he called on his way here and told me about the headache...I asked why not put the visit off till tomorrow, I hadn't told the kids about him coming by, so no issues there. he said he really wanted to see them...really missed them. which is nice, because its good that he still loves them so much. they adore him, so were thrilled when he got here.

I did talk to him for a few minutes when I got back and was fine. even rubbed his traps for a minute before he left. thank you, endorphins!

overall still keeping my distance from him, still want to rant and rave and cry a little, but I can feel things subsiding a bit. the cookie dough might be helping. a friend and I are going to see another friend's new baby (brand new!) tomorrow and are bringing food...I'm bringing cookies, so am sitting here eating a yummy spoonful of choc. chip cookie dough. mmmm. just one spoonful, I'm being good, but ladies, isn't it amazing what a little chocolate can do?

You can have two huge spoonfuls because you worked out twice today.

Sounds like you tackled the day and a cranky husband as well. You are amazing. That is great that he misses the kids. When you stay in the house while he is there, do they find you and want you instead of him when he is there?

trust me, I wasn't that amazing. I had several moments where I snapped at the kids or where got weepy and sad (not in front of them, at least). I feel like a bad mom today, actually. a bit short tempered, not normally me.

I did w/o 2x, but I also just had 2 cookies on top of the cookie dough. dinner wasn't the best either. I made dinner for the kids, but wasn't interested myself, just kept grabbing handfuls of almonds and raisins. healthy, but not exactly slimming. at least the cookies are gone...I packed up the rest (kept a few out for my kids, but no more) and will be good the rest of the night..

as for whether the kids want me when h is here, lwb, they are all about daddy. they love him, and miss him sooo much. and honestly, when he spends time here, 9x out of 10 I leave. I used to have movie time wednesday when he could come earlier in the day, but since the new job I just trot off to the gym or run a couple of errands.

the funny thing is if he lets them do something questionable, or at the very least, not something I normally allow (like sitting on the island in the kitchen), they will look at me if I am there to seek permission. lol. its kind of funny, and h is starting to get a wee bit affronted by it.

one nice thing happened, btw. okay, I'm pretending, anyway. H was a bit later (bad traffic) than he has been coming, so I got to the gym a bit later than the last couple of weeks. I don't normally go in the evening, so still getting to know the crowd (I know my morning crowd at least by sight). there is one guy I've noticed who is always running on the treadmill when I am there. really cute, late 30s-early 40s. nice eye candy, nothing more. today I was heading into the gym right as he was heading out...passed him at the bottom of the steps. no, I didn't drool. but I could see his reflection in the glass doors and I swear he checked me out. not bad, considering how troll like I feel right now. or maybe he was thinking, wow, what a troll. lol. but I'm going to pretend he was really thinking, hey, baby, you're cute.

lmfao at "Wow what a troll"!! Hilarious!!

But in reality, we know he was checking you out. God knows we need those ego boosts.

I don't know, lwb, not feeling very pretty lately. feeling more troll like. but since I don't really know what he was thinking, I can pretend, right?