Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives WAW1978-Part 4

I would see if you can get some 1-on-1 time with your counselor before your JC session to see what his/her opionions are.

S77

Will def try and get to speak to the MC in private first. Good idea.

H-

I have been to many Phish shows. What were we supposed to do after Jerry passed?!

Anyway, some members of Phish tour solo. Trey Anastasio & Page McConnell. You can try them.

Or of course my fav, Ratdog...with Bob Weir from the Dead or Phil Lesh also from the Dead.

Okay, so H sends me an email at work of all places, to tell me that he has been thinking about all of this and isn't sure that he wants to continue with this. He decided on his vacation that maybe our M isn't whats best for him and what he wants. That I can't give him what he wants out of an M.

It was long and drawn out, and work in financial services where the read all of our emails (Thank you Martha Stewart) I am some what embarassed that the tech group here now know all of the sordid details of my M. He said he couldn't call, which was a good move as I have a recorded line that is reviewed often for the same reasons as above.

I guess this is it. I am officially going to stop going to MC until we both can agree that is what we want. While beat a dead horse...it isn't going to get back up and gallop away into the sunset. I deserve better treatment than what he has offered and he is lucky that I was still willing to work on this. But if he is not going to work on the M then neither am I. This was what got us here in the first place, his refusal to go to MC after repeatedly telling him that something needed to be done.

WAW1978,

Sorry to hear about the email. Doesn't the big brother thing suck? Give yourself 48 hours to think it over, I know he is being bullheaded and not thinking clearly, but for you and your decision I would give it some time.

As for a potential knock upside the head why don't you drop him on the green line with a Yankees jersey? I love Boston!

He may just feel frustrated and this is coming out of that place of frustration. I am a LBS & I know there have been several times where I feel like saying F it - this isn't working - but the only difference is I haven't said that to him - but I have definately thought it at times.

Please at least allow the 48hr. rule and make sure that in 2 days you feel the same. Do not let him know that you are reacting to this just yet. Give yourself 2 days to take a step back before you do anything you might regret years down the line.

Only you can know what is right for your situation - but that is just an outsider's advice.

Keep us posted!

Waw,

Yeah, what atlas and saving said, 48 hours. I think you've kind of been feeling this already, so it's in your face by your H; you knew this, so what. Personally, still think he's waiting for you to come crawling back. You're not and that's confusing/scaring the hell out of him.

I'll be in Boston in March, want me to push him in front of a green line train

BD

You are all so funny!

Love the Beantown refences. I think that Yankees jersey might be a worse fate than the green line!

These Sox fans are downright nuts. Its like a cult or something. Once your indoctrinated thats it!

Yeah, I just responded that it would be better to discuss in person and reminded him of the lack of privacy here at work.

Did not engage him in anyway. Going to wait it out and see what I come up with. For the record, yes I do feel like just saying Your Right...it can't be saved. What now? But I won't. Not until I let it resonate for a couple days. I was thinking of bringing this up in MC anyway. Hopefully we can wait until then and talk in a neutral setting. We have never been yellers but I have a feeling if we talk on our own it could escalate.

Hey WaW:

Just getting caught up on your situation. I would not put too much stock into what he says about rethinking things about the M. That sounds like the exact thing I would do pre-DB to try and evoke a response out of my W. A kind of scare tactic that is designed to elicit the response that I would be looking for... to get my W to come back. I think it may be a direct result of his expectation that when he got back you would want to move back in. That did not happen so I think he is trying something else. I am with everyone else. Wait 48 hours before doing anything. I suspect that he will be changing his mind or taking a step back from his stand soon enough.

Stew

Could not put off the 'talk" last night. I had to be at our home to take care of D & dog since he was off on his work trips. He ended up coming back early. Confronts me about what was said in te email and why I didn't respond. So we went through A to Z. He wants a complete separation. Apparently he had some wake up call in LA that he now thinks he would like to be single and start dating. Does not want to work things out. Too far gone etc etc. I just said fine if thats what he wants. We have one more MC sesh where he just wants to tell the MC that were done with C.

I feel more like its "done for now"...I think he is just going through that spiteful part of being and LBS. So I am just going to backoff and let him do whatever it is he feels he needs to do. See what happens. We discussed D and full Sep. Neither of us feels that filing right now is necessary. He finally conceded we could have a full 50/50 split on the child and the dog...weird you would think he would just give me MY dog.

Anyway. Thats it for now. H wants to date other people. Can't help but wonder if there hasn't been someone else since one of our major issues was him not wanting physical contact and I one of the local hot boob shirt wearing Moms so I know now that it was NEVER me...hmmm makes you wonder huh?

WAW,

Well, this at least oughta help you detach. Seriously, given the way that you've described your H in the past, this sounds like an attempt by him to control you/the situation. H to self: "If I can't have my W, well, I'm going to date others and she'll come back because she'll see what she's missing." Or, he might feel like dating gives him control over his life.

Interesting about your speculation about OW. Maybe, but I don't think you've hinted at that before, what would make you think that now all of a sudden? Past behavior clicking into place or wounded pride about being able to pull off a 'boob shirt'? (How could he not want THIS?)

On the flip-side, maybe this is evidence that your H just doesn't get it. Maybe he'll run for a while then come back. Who knows. You sound pretty good, all things considered.

Plus, there's this: It's getting to be too cold for boob shirt wearing. You'll have to bundle up for the winter. That'll give you time to see where your R is going. One way or the other, by next summer, you'll be able to, um, whip out those puppies for either H or as a lure for a new man

BD