Dear Hope, I have just been re-reading some of your ealier posts. I am not surprised that you have been having an emotional reaction to your h's long phone call that started this new thread.
As many of us have posted, it offers an extraordinary insight into the mind of [at least] one MLCer, and I believe is what is happening to a greater or lesser extent to many of them.
The sale of the house is hard: we sold our dream home last summer, about 9 months post bomb, and that was hard at the time, but actually after it had gone I felt better.
To rebuild our lives, whether it is with our h's or without them, I think we not only have to let go of them, the way they were, but also a lot of our possessions that were asscoiated with that life. They hold memories of what was, and what is to come will never be the same. It will be better, because we are changed. BND used to talk of the refiners fire. It is true, everything gets burned away.
I think you did the right thing in sending that email. Your h is trying to rebuild himself, and it may help him to see what he was like in the crisis.
Take care of yourself. Try to remember that the terrible things he did and said were a part of his huge crisis. I know that many of us do not post some of the most hurtful and damaging stuff. I also know that the person my h was pre MLC would not have behaved like he did to ANYONE, let alone his nearest and dearest.
It might help you to talk through some of the terrible things that he did with a consellor, if you havne't done so. It s a way of getting rid of the pain, and enabling us to move one. Alternatively write it down and shred it - not as effective probably, but cheaper!!
Please continue to post. Your journey has been one of grace and dignity, and you are and have long been, an inspiration to me.
That was such a lovely post for me to find this morning; thank you. I appreciate the support. You, also, have been equally inspiring to me.
It is true that we do need to let go of so many things that are associated with the crisis. I suppose it would help for me to focus on that viewpoint rather than let the selling of our house bring me down. There were happier days there; those are what I think about from time to time lately. How did we go from sitting around a crackling fire, cuddling and talking, to this?
I tried counseling way back in the beginning. I did it for a month but I don't think it really helped (I don't think anything could have at the time). It might be time to revisit this avenue to help me sort some things out. Thank you for the suggestion.
I do journal (I am up to probably #8 since this all began!). I have kept the books in a chest, tucked away. I never re-read them, but I know they are there: 2 years' worth of pain, written out on pages. But writing it all down as it was happening was very helpful to me.
He should receive the letter (the printed out email) soon. I wonder if he will ever mention it to me? It was not sent in spite; I just thought he should see how he was back then, since he cannot seem to recall.
I'll try to remember to keep the focus on myself, the healing (oh, it takes a LONG time, doesn't it?) and having a happy future.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
