Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE Tucson or Bust, part 3

Cac:



Okay. Try it this way.

"I am not a victim of your pain." Said in the compassionate statement, so said WITH compassion...

Okay.

So. That statement says you are NOT a victim.

So... what ARE you, if not a victim? If you can't answer the question... and in a positive sense.... you are probably busy just being NOT a victim. Which leaves a so much room for... something else... which is anybody's guess... and can be dam confusing... and there is certainly NO DIRECTION to that, other than... I dunno... just know I'm NOT THAT...

But to say.... I am NOT a victim... I am a ________ . Well. At least I know you YOU KNOW what you are. And I can respect it. Even if one of the words is 'confused.' If you say, "I am confused," I get that. And I can alter my perception accordingly. I certainly don't think you will function as a confused person as you would, if you had said... "I am sad."

See? But YOU have to TELL ME. Saying... I am NOT a VICTIM... doesn't narrow it down for me.

Corri

hmm...

well, I AM a saxophone player. (a confused one, at that)

I AM NOT a trombone player.

I don't believe I've spent a minute of my life being "not a trombone player", though.

and yet, I still don't see why anyone would give a crap, either way.

Think in terms of the whole compassion statement.

"I feel your pain. I will help YOU with YOUR pain. I will not be a victim of your pain."

K. So you won't be a victim of my pain. {dab my tears... hiccup...sniffle} What will you be?

Corri

Cac:

In the absence of saying and being who you are... you are, in effect... SAYING and BEING Who You Are Not.

So. You say... I am NOT a victim of YOUR pain. Fine. Now I am asking... so... Who ARE you?

If you can't answer that... all you are doing is BEING confused. As you were when I asked the question. You should be DAM confused.

And I bet your wife is, too.

Corri