Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Letting go and going with the flow

((((((amd)))))))) great timing!

thanks! i dont know... it certainly made me feel warm and fuzzy!

brava

Knock knock.
Have you been warming up rice and chopsticks?

wcw,

hee hee.

thanks for knocking. i jut got back tonight from another week at "Happy Camp" as some of the folks jokingly call it. I had a fabulous week of examining my beliefs , learning how to be present and non judgemental with anyone (still working on that one! ) , and takng ownership of my life and choices.... and eating yummy food, taking walks through the Berkshire woods... no phone, no computer.... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

before that I was in Houston for a week long busines trip but now I'm baaaack....

will catch up on yout Sitch tomorrow... saw the title change ... hmmmm...


big hug!!!!!!

brava

Augh!
I am organizing my stuff... ahhhh... I mean OUR stuff. Deciding what comes with , what goes into storage, what gets donated. I realize that it is harder than I thought. Even though I am not really splitting up our stuff, I am still having to go through it.
I have been finding all sorts of things:
-that he bought me in the past (and I often was not appreciative of)
-that are memories of our life togehter
-or are just his things... like his cologne that I had stuffed way in the back of the linen closet.

augh.

I know I am doingthe right things. I wold go nuts staying here in town any longer "waiting". I feel this break will be the best chance our R has is moving forward.

We had a date on Friday night. I took him out to Chinese for his bday earlier int he month. It was so strange. I realize now as the evening progressed we started to get at each other. I thinkit was the fact that it was an evening date versus lunch where we both have to get back to work.
I did my passive indirect stuff: "dont worry I'll get you home early".
and he reacted to it going into the mode of calling me on it nad me, of course, denying it...... soooooooooooo old.

Afterwards I realized he was right that I was throwing hints to see if he was in a hurry to get home.
I really did not think so then. I just wish I wold not have been so insistant: "no, thats not true".

ah well...

I think he felt my "pulling" on him as well. I just keep doing it. So hard for me to let completely go, yet I know I have to or we will be doing this same dance FOREVER!

OK, there is my quarterly update! ;-)

brava

well, H just left. He picked up some bins full of our stuff. (we did not do a lot of splitting up of stuff)

I am leaving today for 5 weeks in Germany.

As much as I believe in holding a space for him and a possible future for our M , it is hard to see that happening at times.

He is more removed than last year and more into his life and routine. When I asked him a while ago if he was happy he siad he was "ok". I dunno, he goes out of his way to say how much he loves this city and howhe loves his life just as it is.
He is also no longer playful in a flirty or sweet way- He used to try and hug me at least- now he is even more made of stone than ever.

I guess it is up to me to decide how I take that: 1. he is moving furhter away or 2. he is working hard to make sure he feels nothing too deep for me.

I have to remeber that my leaving, selling the condo etc. has an impact n him as well. It means closure to a part of our shared life.

In the end I can only let go and ut it in God's hands. My H is still deep in his journey and does not seem to be interested in moving away from his current life.


These next 5 weeks will be good. I will be super busy-- but cheking into the boards on occasion!

Off I go....

brava

brava,
I wanted to wish you safe and happy travels. Sorry I didn't see this sooner. I read your post about packing up things and remembering the things he bought you, etc. Oh, I did that, too. It was not fun. You did great and you got through it.
I hope your trip is amazing. Keep us updated!

brava, good luck and stay safe in your travels.
In many ways I admire the way you are moving forward with your life. Just be sure it is moving forward and not running away, ok?

(((brava)))

Thanks guys for the well wishes.

I am in a cafe in berlin - just had a yummy lunch and am now deciding on dessert and coffee... need I say more?

THis course is something I have wanted to do for years. As I was walking from my apartment (will have 2 ladies as roommates but I was the first there.)

I thought: wow, I never would have done this if I were together with H! I would not have left alone so long .

So, this is one of the many gifts of our seperation. THanks H!!!!!

As to if I am running away.
I think I am giving myself space to move forward and be ready for whateve it is that life throws my way. WCW< I have asked myself that as well- if I am running. Then I think for one second of another winter in the same city as H, hearing about his life, the bars, restaurants etc... being in that city - it is just to hard for me to stay neutral and detachd. So yeah, maybe I am running a bit or at least cheating but it feels good . Staying in town makes my stomach knot!


The more I think about ti the more I realize how H has to convince himself o f how happ he is right there with his life just like that. My leaving really is threatening in that sense. I am a reminder that ther is more to life than hs controlled closed world he has created. Anyway....

I am now eating apple struedel with vanilla sauce!!! life is good!

brava

Hi,

For those of us that are NOT Newbies we might need this even more. I know lots of us have come across it already. I have been reading it in bits when I need a boost!

Restored marriage stories thread by Cinderellaman

Enjoy!
brava

I'm so glad you're enjoying yourself Brava!

I hope this change of physical scenery will bring you even further in your changing mental scenery.


Love, Nic