Quoting lostlove: h must be doing some thinking...when I looke outside aroun 4 h was already out there...it is now 6 h has been out there chopping wood since...
I kept thinking of this scene you described. I understood that last time he did this, it was about OW. But as you sensed OW is getting out of pictures, what is this all about?
What I said you may not agree with. But what your H was doing strikes me as he was trying to show love, with the only love language he knows of, or he is comfortable with. That was what I did before my W dropped the bomb. I suspect that if I was doing something I feel guilty to my W, I could have done similar things to avoid her while "showing love".
I guess I don't know everything of your H, but from the convo you had, he seems to care a lot of you. Your attempt to show him what you need using analogies was great. The only thing I would say is it will take some time. It takes a while to learn a new language, spoken or love. But I see your H is trying. And it seems to me your talking about it last night filled something in your love tank...
Throwing horseshoes for hours, chopping wood you don't need. Sounds like someone is frustrated and it isn't just you.
Make love & enjoy it......don't analyise it
I know I don't understand it all...just have fun LL. This guy wants & needs you. Your his wife, the rest will come.... my 02. and I know it's not wanted or needed.....
KIP
"Those who don't read, have no
advantage over those who can't"
Mark Twain
Quote: I kept thinking of this scene you described. I understood that last time he did this, it was about OW. But as you sensed OW is getting out of pictures, what is this all about?
well I'd tend to think that part of why before he left he was spending that time throwing shoes by himself was thinking..mind you this was done before I found out about ow...before dd was born...after discovering ow..h was trying...I didn't know enough to shut up and accept the changes they frustrated me..this may or may not have lead him to once again seek ow (if he ever infact did try to stop contact...which I'm not sure of)
when he first started comming home...his wood chopping was needed...well not for wood for this year but he is a landscaper and does work with trees...so some trees from msc. jobs...were delivered here by his workers so he chopped them...a way to keep in shape...
I figured his wood chopping yesterday had something to do with the lawyer appointment I was suppose to have yesterday...and infact I did ask him why...he had skipped getting his truck washed once again yesterday because in his words he just felt like hitting something...said the neighbors must have thought him to be nuts..out there in the cold..diggin through snow to get to frozen logs whacking them with an ax just to loosen them up to be able to bring them to another log where he could cut them with the ax to then throw them into a pile of snow...
in part he was doing it because he wanted to do something physical..the season will start soon and he doesn't want to be out of shape (the man has never been out of shape in all of the 14 years I've known him...to have his matabolism!!) I did ask him why he wanted to hit something..and that was his expenation...I then asked if part of it was my appointment..he said ..maybe a little.
he then asked about it...if I had cancelled it...I let him know that it had been rescheduled..he asked who would be watching the kids..(as if he would attempt to watch them so I could go)
I know he doesn't know how he feels...I know he's confused..I know he must question whether or not he and ow were meant to be together...he will not say these things but I am not dumb.
that was why I explained my thoughts on her to him...not saying she was a bad person..but the things she was/is doing with her life show ...well gee folks what does it show?? maybe these things simply make h feel bad because he went to her so he's just as bad...no she's been doing this for years..one ea after another...h was just one who really got sucked in...
anyway it's not about her or the r he had with her..yes it does add another twist...gee I have these feelings for her..how can I love and be with LL when I feel for ow??? simple accept that r for what it was...if she's leaving her h for the cocamami reasons she gives then she would have left you along time ago if you were her's.
whatever with that anyway..
so h called...said he's on his way to the carwash (we'll see if he actually get's it done this time) and then he'll be home to chop some more wood (I know partly he does it simply because he enjoys it) I let him know I'm taking the kids by my moms to see her and great nana who's visiting but that I'd prefer to take a nap...he said ok well I'll leave you alone tonight...I said really...he said ...well not really...hmmmmmmmmm...(does h have to be in constant threat of losing me to be interested in me???) asked if he'd put the kids to bed while I took a nap and then we could play darts or something...he said "I always put one of them to bed" (which is for the most part true..at least since his return anyway) we'll see...
Well, it sounds like you've got H on the run. Towards you!
I think that there is a real chance for things to be different this time, what with the MC being added to the mix. I hope you like and trust your MC. If not, don't let loyalty get in the way of switching.
LL - see that you're busy this evening. Sending some good thoughts your way. You're a very special lady - we recognize that - and I suspect that your H does, too - even though he can't quite form the words.
Just wanted to say thanks so much for posting on my thread. Your advice helped me so much! You're right, now is what matters! I guess I was just nervous that he may be harboring thoughts about the girl from his past. But, I've got to live for now, not what if, or what happened. Thanks so much! I hope one day I can offer you some good advice (I'm not so good at it.)
Yo LL. Let me try to do some analyzing since you're taking a break...
So, here I am reading about the wood chopping, the curious early arrival at home on the lawyer appointment day, the telephone calls about his whereabouts, the talks about OW, the talks about Love Languages, your H pursuing you more for sex...and it really strikes me that he seems to be trying. I mean, really trying. Doesn't it?
I think maybe you've kind of helped release a burden he's been feeling since coming home--via the frank discussion a number of days ago when you told him where you stand, then a couple days later told him that you forgave him. I think he's been bottling these feelings up inside and you helped him to release some of them; and thus, he's more able to concentrate on giving you what you need. Basically, he's less focused on pain and guilt, and more focused on LL. What say you?
things still going well..h speaking his language and I'm hearing it...(long story about an icy driveway and 15 bags of kitty litter, stopped at 3 stores to find no sand) and h is also speaking my language...hugs each morning and a hug along with a peck that is a tad more than a peck when he leaves in the am...we'll see if this is simply to deter me from speaking to the lawyer...lawyer appointment tommorow...h's meeting with c on wednesday.. if we can keep going in this direction (less the threat of my filing) then all will be well and we will be a couple to envy...can h keep the momentum going...can I keep hearing his language?? time will tell...
I hope you like and trust your MC. If not, don't let loyalty get in the way of switching.