Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? PLEASE HELP! Encouragement needed!

Ah I am glad your birthday is over. is that mean? I cannot wait until my dreaded birthday is over. Maybe next year will be a better birthday. I keep thinking a Very Unhappy Birthday To Us! It just stinks to High Heaven, bbbbbbut I know it gets better. I just talked to a friend on the phone who is engaged to get married while her exH is getting a Karmic kick in the pants.

I'm not sure how to get him to read it, either! With my H, I left my copy on the bed, and he *just happened* to find it there (after I'd prayed for him to do that!). How long has your H *gone dark?* I'm going to read your asked *I asked my H to leave-regret it, now what?* posts so I can learn a little more about your sitch.

PS: Are you a Christian?

Okay, I'm back from reading your posts. Ah, musicians... that's how my H and I met. My next door neighbor was a drummer, his buddy was a guitarist, and my H was a mutual friend of theirs. H has always wanted to play the guitar, but for one reason or another he never followed through with it. He took a few lessons from the guitarist buddy before we met, but his dream was mostly *talk.*

Now, of course, he took the guitar with him when he left me last month (he only tried to play it once or twice when he was still at home), and his OW is apparently a great singer. Ironically, she used love to sing in church). MLC?

Okay, here's the deal. As a frustrated creative type, I was beyond miserable in the 8-5 workforce for over 20 years. A few years ago I finally got fed up with the discrimination, lack of work opportunities and being treated like 2nd class (I'm hearing impaired), so I decided to become a full-time writer.

Writers don't make much money, and it took a few years for me to *find* myself. My H and my IL's treated me like an absolute deadbeat, because I was working from sunup to sundown looking for *real* jobs, doing occasional crummy temp assignments, and on working on writing projects. I was still basically making pocket change, though.

I tell you all this because I can *sort of* see this from your H's perspective. Piles of debts, long hours doing *creative* work, etc. and the stress of it all. My H works 2 exhausting jobs, long hours, etc. and he has resented me for a long time. By the time I realized the damage my so-called *career* caused, it was too late.

Musicians and other creative types are extremely emotional people, and most of us can't deny our creative side. Like our blood types or the color of our eyes, it's part of who we are.

So my question is: Were you supportive of his career? Did you respect him? Men want their women to believe in them, no matter how crazy their dreams may be.

Did he shut you out of his *world* or did he encourage you to tag along or somehow find a way to work alongside him?

Sorry to go on and on about the whole music thing, but it's obviously a BIG part of your lives.

Here are a few suggestions:

* Buy the *Man of Her Dreams/Woman of His* book, read it, and then find a way to get your H to read it (if you know where he is, or leave it w/someone in his family to give to him). They've got 2 books. There's a chapter in the second book called *What's a Wife to Do?* for women whose husbands won't read (but read book #1 first). They have DVDs and CDs, too.

* It's obvious that e-mails, etc. aren't working. Do a 180 on that, and try to hop off the emotional roller coaster ASAP.

* Give it time! It probably seems like forever, but you've only been S just 3 weeks. Like me, you've probably spent most of that time trying desperately to win him back and made a lot of mistakes (I'm still making 'em).

* GAL!

* Keep posting/reading the DB forums. I no longer feel the desire to blurt out my sob story to every person in the world. The DB forum is the only place you can go where people know what you're going through. Besides, your friends/family will get tired of hearing about this.

* Pray, pray, pray.