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Edie....Just stopping by to say good luck!!! Tonights the night!! I am terrified!!! I will be in touch on Monday! All the best, and I will be thinking of you!!

Well - today is THE day. Retrouvaille. I am so nervous and I find that completely unexpected. I was really looking forward to going up until today and now I have a knot in my stomach and I'm terrified. Plain old terrified. I can't explain it except to say that I'm scared about what I will discover about H, about me. I don't know if I have it in me to do this. I mean I will, but, well, I could really benefit from throwing up right now. I feel like this is the moment of truth. The moment when we are standing at the alter in front of everyone and deciding whether or not to say "I do." I'm using this as a time to decide - a really prolonged period of time when someone (god, perhaps) is looking at me and saying - "Do you *really* take *this* man to be your H?" I mean I now know what he is capable of...do I stay? Do I move on? I don't know why this moment is THAT for me, but it is and it's scary and it's going to last 3 days (literally, ok 2). I want my answer to be yes, but I don't know that it will be.

I will post again on Monday or maybe Sunday night.

Limbo thanks for the encouragment! As you can see I KNOW exactly what you are feeling!

I'm excited for you Ediemarie!! It's funny, every time I think about Retro. I have the same problem. I'd love to go but some of me thinks I just don't have it in me.

But, I think the great thing is that even if your answer isn't yes you will have so much more clarity, and closure hopefully. I think it was Ponygirl (sp?) who had that experience.

I think having clarity, really seeing the whole picture, is a great thing. So try to relax, and good luck!!

(((ediemarie)))

I'll be thinking of you.

EdieMarie,

You are not wrong in your feelings. I did not have your clarity when I walked in the door. I was just charging straight ahead as is my nature. It wasn't until I got home that I realized that it was a question of recommiting to the marriage. And after 27 years! I was still as unsure as I had been that first day. Even with knowing him through all those years! Don't worry. It will be fine. There really is no pressure to recommit from anyone there. It is only within yourself. Can't wait to hear all about it from both you and Limbo! Go and enjoy!

Edie I do know what you are going through....it feel the same, as the time is getting closer I just want to run! God I wish we could have alcohol on this weekend!!!!

We both will be fine!!! I know it in my heart, whatever the outcome it brings!!

Sara, does it help people letting go of resentment and anger while they are there?

oh, yes!! A lot gets left behind. You feel so much better by the end of Saturday!

And Dave, the priest is there to help people who ask for help. I don't know if you are Catholic. We are not (well, my H is but he has rejected it), but several couples asked to meet privately with the priest while we were there. The presenting couples are available for personal discussions too. So after you hear their stories, you can approach the couple with a story similar to yours and ask how they got over resentment. That is an excellent question, and each couple would answer it differently. But they would all have answers.

Sara, I don't suppose I can get you to talk to my W? :P Of course I doubt she'll listen right now....

LOL!!! I hear ya sistah! What I wouldn't do for a cold bottle of brew. I've decided to that I'm going to load the hotel refrigerator with chips and dip instead. If I can't drink my way through it, I might as well eat my way through it!

thank you to everyone who stopped by to offer encouragement. I appreciate it.

Sara - a couple last minute questions: 1) is there time for fun? There's a pool and work out room at the hotel that H and I want to take advantage of. 2) Is it possible to BS your way through the weekend? I'm suddenly fearful that H will just say what I want to hear rather than what he really feels.

thanks everyone!

Hugs
Em