Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis MLC Interruptus?

Jazz - I am interested in why you think there is litle hope of reconciliation? You have had two marriages already. For many of us here we are dealing with trying to salvage or let go of our first marriage.

Clearly you are better at moving on than many of us here, but never underestimate the powerful pull of a long single marriage, even to someone is MLC. I think Hope's recent post shows just how bound up her h is to her, emotionally, after more than 2 years. Myturnnow's h is exhbiting similar behaviour, and I have seen similar while I have been on these boards [lurking longer than my first post would suggest!]

It is never all over until the fat lady sings -sometimes the LBS decides 'Enough' and sometimes the WAS really walks, but as we knw the truth is never plain and rarely simple where deep emotional connections are concerned.

A

Jazz,

He's running but I'm not chasing. I have not made any attempt to contact him, and I have been trying to focus on myself. None of my back and forth and ups and downs have been communicated anywhere but here and in my journal.

H said this is just something he has to do, so I'm going to believe that. We all know it's all about them anyway. No matter what I'm feeling now, I know things were good and H was happy. It wasn't all an act. Whatever sent him spinning happened fairly quickly, a lot of triggers all at once, sending him into the 'life is short, what do I want" mode.

He's been very careful to leave the door open so I'm not going to close it right now. But I'm not doing any chasing.

Thanks Angelica,

I'm not sure how helpful it is to be told to just throw in the towel only 5 days after H leaves. I understand where Jazz is coming from, but my PMA just took a big hit, and it was a struggle today already.

Yes,I understand totally. Of course we all post from where we are at.

I call it the 'Smoker's syndrome' The biggest anti-smokers are usually those that have given it up.

It seems that when people call 'enough', and Lord knows that this is each person's personal decision, many become sceptical about why everyone else isn't doing the same. And who knows. They could be right. It could be that some of us haven't sen the light yet, and that we surely need to.

What I have noticed is that for many, there is no specific decision point to not stand, but a gradual letting go, so that when the WAS starts to come around the LBS realises that they have actually let go, possibly to the point of not wanting the WAS back. I suspect that I am one of these latter.

Maybe you are too. I would take one day at a time, and see how you h is in a bit. It may not take a long time for him to sort himself out . . . . Of course you are shocked and upset, and rightfully angry, although as we know getting angry with these MLCers is an exercise in futility.

Meantime, come here and post. There are worse places to be.

A

Thanks Angelica,

I'm not completely sure going dark is a 180 for me. You could say that in the past I've been the type to just get cold and not talk. So I've been thinking about something, but as all the advice says, I'm going to wait 24 hrs and think about it some more.

Yeah, OK, this is right after I said I'm not chasing. So shoot me. Michelle says to experiment and observe the results, and after all, I used to be a scientist!

Since H goes to the house and checks email (according to email from Verizon, he won't be online at apt until 9/13), thought I would send an email from work, just asking "Are you OK?". I know he will probably be there today because he hasn't ridden motorcycle since last Thursday, but I'm still going to wait and think about it some more.

Calling all dbers - Any thoughts or do you just want to hit me upside the head?

Wow - this is too spooky for words. While starting to think about sending that email to H. I got an email - you know one of the those chain emails - one for good luck. If I forwarded it to 5 people, with a wish for myself, my wish would come true. Well I don't usually forward those things, think they're stupid. But I did it anyway wishing for some contact form H.

Well, I got my wish. Within 5 min I turned on my phone and there was a TM from H (didn't know he knew how) asking "Can I have Sparky for a couple of days?". Yeah, nothing to get excited about, but at least it gave me an in to reply, "Yes, ru ok?"

So now I was able to take a baby step without having to initiate.

So today we have first contact, by text msg, and my answer - see above.

Finally at 3:00 I get the answer: "Im ok I hope ur too i have sparky bring him back Thurs am thxs."

So my baby step seems positive and I am pathetically satisfied. I may or may not answer with something like "I'm good - give Sparky kiss goodnight for me". Still thinking about it. Is it going with what works, or too much contact?

H also put out the trash for tomorrow but doesn't seem to have touched much in the house. He did put out disk for the computer for me that I couldn't find the other day -I guess he found it while going thru some papers. There probably was something in the papers he didn't want me to see, because he stopped me from looking there last week.

So far he has still only taken the minimum amt of stuff with him, and does not seem to be taking much away with him when he comes here.

Anyway, I guess I have to rely on SIL to get me to colonoscopy early Wed morning, which means she has to come and stay the night tomorrow. I could have asked H and I'm sure he would do it, but that's not really a picture I want him to have in his head.

Hi, get the colonscopy over, and just respond to anything h sends. Don't initiate right now. Think . . . . get a handle on the sitch.

Re-read Hopefloats thread - gives some insight on where they mght be emotionally - it isn't pretty.

Angelica

Hi, get the colonscopy over, and just respond to anything h sends. Don't initiate right now. Think . . . . get a handle on the sitch.

Re-read Hopefloats thread - gives some insight on where they mght be emotionally - it isn't pretty.

Angelica