Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE Tucson or bust, part 2

Godwin's Law. Yes, I see it happening.

HD, if it makes you feel better that you are not rapist for copping a feel, I did 10 minuets of body rubbing that included breasts. I even licked a nipple and asked BB if it was the Chocolate or vanilla one. No sex though.

I described your M to BB and her opinion, based on her working with clients with personality issues, is, your W should not be M , she has what might be a personality disorder in some areas of her life, she might have a form of PTSD. That is not a diagnosis, just an opinion or some subjects to work on in counseling.

Lou, the guy with good hand technique.

another thought. I now understand why not tending the fences comes across as not cherishing. I dont like it, but I understand it. I will have a personal boundary, for myself, not to creat a R leap frog sitch again.

How does this The way to handle someone like me is to be iron-firm in your boundaries or I will walk all over you with pointy high-heeled shoes

Demonstrate you are honoring/respecting your H?

If you dont believe in, or didnt take marital vows like that, then never mind.

Lil, MrsNop, SG, BF, Cobra, choc -

and anyone else I might have forgotten - you've created an octopus.

Huh?

You know, on the one hand, MrsNop makes a great point about the financial boundary, but on the other hand, Cobra makes a valid point about sitting back and letting MsHdog have to deal with her own empty threats, and on the other hand....

Pretty soon, you've got a lot of hands. Like an octopus.

And I have to leave the office in a few, and don't have time to digest it all. I will try to sort it out while watching my DD6 do cartwheels and other amazing feats at gymnastics.

Hairdog

Ah... I had forgotten all about the Pudding Incident...





Why? I don't give a rat's a$$ about Mrs. HD. I don't have any more interest in understanding her, explaining her, or making excuses for her. Fortunately, I don't have to.

Of course it's Ms HD's issue. You'll notice I did not inflict myself on someone I can walk all over, and trust me, I could easily have married one like that. They like cats. I take no pleasure in being cruel, but I have the potential to be, in certain situation, and with certain people. Self-awareness and choices. I made mine.

It becomes HDs issue because he married her. I simply outlining how I would react if given too much power ... given being the key word here. Do not give me power over you, because I will not use it kindly. Of course, I am older and wiser now. I may yet turn into a benevolent dictator. *whistles*



Yes, they turn green. They're grey-green for the most part but can turn green green, occasionally. *grin*

S'all right to lose your mind when your wife leaves with OM, btw. So what do you want, blackfoot? A woman who will always behave in a predictable way because of who she choses to be? But this is hairdog's thread. My bad. Another time.

I don't really know what you're trying to say here bf. I married him because of the type of person he was. I knew he had good personal boundaries, and I knew I would never have the opportunity to walk all over him, because that's just not who he is. I "honor" that about him. He'd have to undergo a pretty drastic personality change, to the point where he'd be an entirely different person, for me to disrespect him. Not likely to happen.

I really like him. He's brilliant, funny, and kind. I try to contribute to his happiness, and he tries to contribute to mine. I would never betray him, and I trust him not to betray me. I want to spend my life at his side. Is that "honor" enough for you?

I disagree. I would point out to you that there is nothing but speculation in regards to her not being interested in control. Her *actions* throughout your marriage prove that assertion false on its face. I don't believe there was a single item in that post that I believe to be accurate. I saw a lot of unsubstantiated suppositions dealing with underlying motivations that are far removed from the reality you have described.

And it doesn't matter one iota what her motivations were.

*Using your children against you as a pawn in your marriage is untenable and should not ever be ignored and left unaddressed.*

Look at your relational dynamics, HD. You've never made a boundary with your wife that I'm aware of. She has never backed off from any boundary that she has placed on you that I am aware of. She doesn't fight fair.

Your wife will be a ferocious opponent if *anyone* even pretended to threaten the wellbeing of her daughter. Do you doubt that?

I can assure you that if you refuse to stand up for your children and draw a black line against your wife using them as pawns - she will add that to her list of your perceived weaknesses. She would *never* allow you to use her daughter in that fashion.

And heaven help your children. If you don't think they can pick up the vibe of "we're different" in your home you are sadly mistaken.

What the hell does "letting [her] deal with her empty threats" mean? Exactly what does that look like other than she has bellowed once again and you allow it? Do you actually think she's going to spend any time contemplating the appropriateness of her using your children in that way? Has she ever exhibited any ongoing behaviors that would cause you to accept that conclusion?

If you can't take a stand on behalf of your children, I have little hope that you'll manage to take a stand on anything else in your marriage.

I don't mean to be a $hithead. I don't think you realize how far your frog has been boiled if you are unable to see that if there was any place to make a boundary, this is it.

MrsNOP -

I agree with MrsNOP. I know I've mentioned it before but the thing I keep thinking is that your household situation is going to be pure h*ll when your daughters hit adolescence if things don't improve before then.

And heaven help your children. If you don't think they can pick up the vibe of "we're different" in your home you are sadly mistaken

Ill vouch for that.

Most emphatically, yes. Let her get away with this hairdog - spoken as a mother, she will never. respect. you. ever. again.

Trust me.