I am going out on my date tonight, should be interesting.
W spent the night at her sisters with DD last night and is spending it at her mothers tonight. I don't know why she does this, as I won't get to see DD until Sun afternoon.
I keep thinking that in my W's mind, "out of sight out of mind" is the only way she can handle leaving me. She still can't look me in the eyes, and when she does, I can feel that there is still emotions there. You would think if she was so over me that she could have conversation and look me in the eyes (no reason not too as all the secrets are out in the open). We had a really nice long talk about the future the other day for over 1.5 hrs, and she could hardly look me in the eyes.
I may be way off key here, but I can't believe that someone can lose affection after 17 years of true love. I can understand that she was so depressed when she made the decision and her emotions are with someone else, but can you truly get over your first love? Especially after healing time, and when she begins to see things clearly, and that life was not as bad as she thought.
Anyway, I have to go and get ready. Hope you all are having a good weekend, All my best, AndyV
Oh, another thing she brought up was that she mention things would not change, it would be the same if we stayed together.
Man, that really did hurt.
She mentioned that I loved my job more than my family (did a lot of travelling last year whilst our house was being built, huge burden on W, my fault). And that I wasn't there for her.
I told her that If I knew this, I would have quit my job (only reason I didn't was because it paid enough to maintain our lifestyle, and without it, W would have gone without).
I also told her that everything is fixable. And that I would always put my family before my job, even if it meant pursuing a more family friendly one.
I hope this was appropriate to say, sort of R talk.
You worked, that's why you were gone. Don't forget that. You were providing for your family. You weren't out doing immoral things or something that would affect your marriage. Funny how when we have problems (at least me in the past), H has told me that we can tackle anything, but now, when its him, everything is too late.
Date went well, very enjoyable evening. Great conversation and excellent food.
Found out that my W had told my DD not to tell me that she went with OM on a "family" outing on Saturday evening. W told me that she was going to spend it with her family, but ended up going out with OM (with DD), on a ferry in Sydney Harbour, to the beach. DD is so honest, that she told me the truth, and said "Mummy told me not to tell you but I don't want to lie, but please don't get me in trouble".
If my heart hadn't have taken a pounding already.
I will not bring it up, and gave DD my word. I don't understand why they still think they are doing the right thing and continue to lie. And what is the purpose of having our children involved. What if the R sours, and W ends up with someone else, what sort of message does it send to a 7 y/o?
Anyway, I just don't think this R is going to end. I get a feeling that this is going long term, and they are so happy together, and W can't get enough of him. He is only 27, and wants to take on the responsibilities of a 36 y/o woman with a 7 y/o child. He lives with his brothers in a shared house in suburbia, has an average job, crap car and not much to look at, I can't understand it. W did tell me that he was there for her and told her the things she wanted to hear.............
I just don't know anymore. Why do they have to destroy everything before they come to thier senses?
W did tell me that he was there for her and told her the things she wanted to hear.............
The trouble is that is all this OP is doing is saying things that they want to hear. Give it a few months, when things aren't so great then she would wish that she could go back to you....the man who stood by her side after she hurt you so bad. That is what is important in life...not saying the right things.
Quote:
Why do they have to destroy everything before they come to their senses?
Good question....pride, stupidity, selfishness...those are the reasons that I can think of. My XH did destroy everything, so it happens and he never did come to his senses.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Hi Andy, Things are going okay. My life became very uneventful all of the sudden while XH's is a real life soap opera. I'm sure you probably saw that OW is pregnant. I am just trying to pick up the pieces and move on with my life. We have been separated for 10 months now, so the D didn't really change the way I was living. I haven't cried in a week, which definately shows that I have been through the worse and came out stronger on the other side. I heard again this past weekend....I just don't understand what the hell is wrong with your XH...I just said, yeah, me neither.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Time will heal everything. You are still so young and have the rest of your life to look forward to. Also, you are so much stronger now, and your next R will be so much better for it.
I was told by a friend of mine that on average, we all go through at least 3 major R's in our lives (I don't know whether this included parents........).
You also have the knowledge of exactly what you want, and don't want in a man, I suppose your XH can be thanked for this knowledge
I posted in your thread a few minutes ago in regards to dating. I do not see any harm in it at all, especially in your sitch. You need to make your self happy now, after everything you have been through, you deserve nothing less.
You need to make your self happy now, after everything you have been through, you deserve nothing less.
That is exactly what I am planning on doing. I have lived on the rollercoaster ride from hell for 10 months, and it is time to step back and enjoy life. This isn't the life that I planned for, but I have a feeling that this all did happen for a reason, and my life will turn out better than expected.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
Sorry for not answering your question earlier, I missed it on my thread.
The date went well. It sort of made me realise that I am not emotionally ready to start a new R with anyone, but other than that it was a great night. She was also understanding to my sitch.
I was reading another post, in Succesful Men (MLC), and one member got into an R with a friend, thinking that his M was well and truly over. Well, murphy's law would have his W come back, and he was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
He had to decide whether to let W go, and continue in a wonderful and loving R with an amazing woman, or break it off. His love for his W was too strong, and he had to break the new R.
I don't think he will ever forgive himself. It sort of makes you think twice.
