But how about the betrayal part? The fact that she has asked me not to touch her boobs (etc.) when she is asleep, and I did it in spite of that?
Yes, but let's keep things in proportion. This is as ludicrous as the parents of the little girl in Texas who filed sexual harrassment charges against the little boy who kissed her on the cheek. (I think both children were about five years old.)
NewHorizons: It is dangerous for your personal liberty to remain with someone who equates touch from their spouse with rape. If I was you, what would you recommend?
HD: I'm going to have to think about this. Dang.
My money is betting that this is exactly what she wants you to do - think it over. I'd call her bluff, do the Cesar Milan thing and "condition" her with a choker collar to make her sit still and not growl each time you touch her breast!
I'm only half joking about that because some kind of "conditioning" is what its going to take for her to get over this panic reaction. Are you sure she wasn't the one who was raped at some time?
Sorry, HD, I'm with everyone else on this one. This is B.S., and I thought it was directly tied to your upcoming trip even before I read the post where someone else had predicted that.
I think a simple "I'm sorry you feel that touching my wife is the same as rape; that's YOUR issue, not MINE" should suffice.
And I would also not trust her. I see a "rape" charge somewhere in your future, I really do. She's just not "right" about this issue, and it's going to bite you in the azz someday.
In my darkest days of LD, I would *never* have felt violated if cac squeezed my boob. It's quite possible I might have been grumpy for being woken up in the middle of the night -- by any means -- but I definitely would not have felt violated.
There's something not right about this. I agree with others who advised you to beware.
Thinking further about the connection between The Trip and The Rape Accusation...
I suggested that she would precipitate some kind of crisis that would make it impossible for you to go... I had in mind something medical, car wreck, massive plumbing/electrical breakdown... but this bogus rape/touch thing is even more clever and diabolical (although very likely 99% unconscious on her part). Instead of some outside thing happening to make you stay home, this crisis is something YOU brought on. From her POV, YOU did this to YOURSELF. By "violating her trust" you made yourself unworthy of enjoying the Selfish Trip. Not that you ever deserved it, but now you really don't deserve it.
How to make her whole? you asked.
You staying home won't make her whole, but it will serve her sense of justice. Staying home will be penance to right the terrible wrong you did.
This is NUTS!
Don't let her make you doubt yourself. Sixes have to watch out for this, because they are so willing to do and believe whatever an authority tells them.
I found myself feeling more and more righteously indignant as the day wore on, reading all of the posts. All I really wanted was a reality check. Am I a sex maniac?
If she uses this to try to derail my trip, I can handle it.
If she charges me with marital rape for touching her boob, I can handle it.
If I'm a sex maniac or rapist or whatever for playing with her boob for 20 seconds while she sleeps in spite of her asking me not to, well, I can still handle it, but I'll get some professional help.
The consensus is, no, not a rapist.
Now, I want to figure out what Hairdog would do, as a recovering NG, on his way to integrated male. I know the answer is "not what you usually did" and "not what feels comfortable" but I need to reflect on what it might be.
Thanks, all. I do appreciate the various "heads up!" and y'all watching my back.
So am I a sex addict with real Major Issues? A rapist? Or what?
Well, here's what I think, for the record. It was wrong for me to squeeze her boob -- the second time, after I realized that it was, indeed her boob and that she was, indeed, asleep. At that point, it was all about me, she was just a body attached to a boob, and it felt kinda cool that I was squeezing a boob for the first time in months. And I should have stopped.
No Hairdog you are not a sex addict, a rapist or anything like that. You are human and you are weak (like the rest of us humans). You are the same as a person on a diet who finds a bar of chocolate at the back of the cupboard and eats it. No worse than that.
I think you should kick her out of the marital bed. If her body is off limits to you can she please keep it elsewhere. The marital bed is the place where physical intimacy between H and W is supposed to take place. If she can't take the heat...
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
I am inclined to agree with Fran ... mostly because I believe that sleeping in the same bed is tantamount to hotel management leaving a chocolate bar on the pillow (not hidden away in the back of the cupboard) and then being offended that you ate it ("no, those are for display purposes only!" -- well, nuts to that, I say.)
I believe you have already taken a step toward this (killed two birds with one stone, whatever) by instituting your three month moratorium, have you not?
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
Hairdog, I remember this exact incident happened before ( the sleeping tweak), so I think you need to ask yourself why you did it again, knowing full well the response you would be getting. IOW, why are you revisiting this again?
