Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Get me on a smoother ride........Need Advice

Trust me, I think that all that I've done has just been luck or by chance. I am not one to hold a workshop. I melt too when he touches me. Then he turns his back and hugs his side of the bed and I'm almost choking holding back the tears.

Pamar- Thank you by the way for your thoughts. I do appreciate it. I just hadn't gotten the chance to tell you.

I didn't think I'd be able to post today. A few weeks ago my H had mentioned being invited to a concert with a buddy. I'm trying to trust that it's actually who he says it is. He goes golfing with this guy all the time. I heard them talking about golf & this concert during the same call, so I think I believe him. Well, I was sitting here this morning wondering what we were going to do today. H was laying in bed and asked what time it was. He said....I need to go get my hair cut and then it's off to golf & then the concert.....and then to....and he mentioned a gentleman's club. He smiled. He knows that even though those places don't truly bother me, I just prefer not to think of another woman rubbing any part of her body on him. He's always teased me about going to those clubs just to get a rise out of me. So, I guess D3 and I are on our own today. Wouldn't have been such a big letdown if he'd reminded me withing the past few days. I knew the look of dissapointment was about to come over my face, so I left the room before he could see me.

However, I do have to say that last night was nice. H called before leaving work to see if I wanted anything on his way home. He cooked dinner & after D3 went to bed we watched a movie. Well, I watched it....he reviewed his fantasy football stuff. Oh, we watched Sideways by the way. It's a funny movie....but also a great one to show the hurt, lies, deception...etc. that happens in relationships. Later we sat on the deck listening to music....I kind of invited myself out there, but the he started talking to me, so I guess it wasn't a problem. We'd talked about buying the place we're living in and last night he mentioned some things he wants US to do to it if we do buy it. No sex last night.....Sorry, no details today. But that's okay. I was happy with the good talking.

OOOOOHHHHHH....especially to lwb & husband......my H does know about my BIL & SIL possibly getting a D. They were planning on coming to visit in Nov. He told me that they probably won't be because they might be in D court by then. I acted shocked and said....they've mentioned it so many times though. He said.....yeah, that's this week. My SIL sounded pretty at peace with her decision, so I don't think my H knows that it's a lot more likely to happen this time. He just said that his B hadn't gotten into details. So anyway, WHEW!!...it doesn't look like their situation is affecting his thoughts.

Well, I need to run. I don't want to be on when he gets back.

I'll try to get on later this weekend. Have a great one & thanks again for listening.

SueS

H is out golfing. He called not long after he left to tell me that he'd forgotten to let me know that D3 will have to go to daycare early on Tues. I said...that's fine. He asked what we were going to do for the day. I wasn't specific and kind of quiet. Don't think he liked that. I said...well, I just got out of the shower. I'm going to go get ready so we can go find something to do. Again...don't think he liked the quiet, I gotta go attitude from me. He said....Yeah, Later! He knows I hate it when he ends his converstions with "later", like I'm some guy friend of his. I got off and started crying. I just hate that feeling.

I am on AD medication. It's been a rough 8 months. Our problems have only been for the past few, but there have been other issues.....we moved, my dad was diagnosed with cancer, a friend died....etc. Anyway, the doctor told me.....do not go off these meds without consulting me first. Today I got a taste of why. I'd run out and just hadn't gotten to the pharmacy to refill. It had been a few days since I'd taken my last one. I felt myself really slipping today. I was crying more easily, my temper was short with D3 (and I hate more than anything when I lose it with her) and I just had some really weird physical feelings....like I was going to black out. Boy did I make a run for the pharmacy. I took them again and am doing better. Now I know why you should listen to your doctor. I just took our D3 in my arms, hugged her and told her I love her more than anything.

SueS

I am glad you ran to the pharmacy. Now is not the time to try to stop something that is helping you cope. I know know know all too well the losing it with the kids. I had a rocky afternoon with them (my 7th day straight with them and no H) and boy I just apologized and hiney off to them. I think all is forgiven.

Hope you had a good rest of the day.

Hi all-

The weekend has been good....quieter today though. H got home from his concert on Sat. night & had been drinking....wanted some action. I gave in. H talked & talked & talked. Remember, he'd been drinking. He told me that I'm an attractive, smart woman and that it drives him nuts that I'm not more assertive. He said....I don't know why you don't speak up for yourself more....why you don't let loose a little more....and then he asked me why I was so ashamed of my body. I'm not really ashamed, but I have some surgery scars and I've had a child, so I'm not thrilled with myself. I told him that I'm working on it. He said.....when we lived in CA, for the 1st time in our life together....I saw a confident, sexy woman. He said...not that I didn't love you, but you were different. Then, you changed. He was right and I didn't know what to say. I told him.....I know who the woman is that you knew. I'm trying to get that self confidence back. That's why I've been walking/jogging....losing some weight....am getting my hair colored....new glasses/contactst. We talked about that for a long time. On Sunday, he was complaining that it was talking me so long to get ready. I'll admit that I was a little pokey, but I said....You want me to feel good about myself and be more confident, but you're pushing me to get ready. Let me do what I need to do to feel good about myself when I walk out that door!

Sun. morning our D3 caught us in the act. What an uncomfortable feeling. At least she's not 13.....she'd be horrified and have that image for the rest of her life!! She asked us why we didn't have any clothes on. AAAAHHHH....because mommy & daddy were too warm. We went to the racetrack and had an absolutely great day. We had a great evening too. I think today would have been as good, but it's our 13-yr. anniversary. Although the weekend was filled with a lot of talk about future events, the anniversary kind of threw things down a bit. Yesterday my H actually said....I think I'm having a bit of a MLC. I know that H talked or at least called OW yesterday. I just kept telling myself.....he was with you and D3 and you had a spectacular day. It will bother me though if I find out that he talks to OW today. OOOHHHH....about a month & 1/2 ago, I used H's car. I saw a matchbook in it that had a phone number in it....woman's hand writing. H shocked me by asking why I'd never said anything about it. He said...I was waiting for you to get mad. I said.....well, you'd been out until 4:00 am, you wouldn't tell me where you were, who you were with or what you were doing. You got mad each time I pushed. You were already cold to me, so I was afraid to push you even further away. I'll be damned if he didn't tell me that it would have turned him on if I'd gotten mad. I was tempted, but did not bring up finding OW's phone number on our bill. We talked about a few things and I was able to figure out what he felt was snooping or just....stumbling across something, as I'd done with the matchbook. And by the way, I threw out the matchbook!

H is now out washing his car & getting to the store before his favorite baseball team comes on. Hopefully not talking to OW, although he's had his phone attached to his hip today. Goodness forbid he takes it out of his pocket.

Well, I better run before he gets back. See you all tomorrow.

SueS

SueS,

Still not enough information ;-)

Sounds like if there was a workshop, half of this site would be there. Would certailnly be worth the airfare from England LOL.

Why do our WAS confuse the heck out of us. No children on the weekend so she lost her clothes on Sunday! Not sure if that is a good DB technique, but it does lower the tension somewhat.

Well done on the not peeking elements, had the temptation tonight as her phone was sitting on the table. Walked past it several times and felt good that I didn't pick it up.

I'm doing the picnic at the moment (castle and picnic analogy), but sometimes I wonder if it would be more fun in the castle!!

Keep it going SueS, you sound like you are getting your act together and running the show. Now if I can just get the image out of my head of you naked.........

Ohh the phone!!! The hip!! I know it so well, and it makes me sick. Wonder if your H has it on vibrate all the time like mine.

What a nice weekend. Oops to D3! Must have been the day because H and I were snuggling under the covers this morning and D5 told me to go back to my side of the bed when she walked in the room. lol Can damper the moment a bit, huh?

I hope your H didn't call OW, but you are doing well pointing out the positive things, all day with you guys AND enjoying it. That's fantastic. I soooo know your feelings about the phone though and wanting to know. SO hard!

Parmar & lwd-

H was gone "washing his car & getting groceries" for at least 3 hours today. I decided to take D3 down to the pool before they close it. Didn't take my phone. H had called several times. I was just about to call him to see where he was when he called. He'd be stopped just down the street and he had a suspended license that he didn't know about. I had to go get him. I quietly asked where he'd been. He said he'd just stopped to have a few beers. There's part of me that believes him. OW lives about 1/2 hr. away & remember that she's married w/kids too. Doesn't stop them from talking though.

lwd....the phone has been fused to the hip today & I suspect also on vibrate. Makes me furious. It rang earlier tonight & is ringing now. H just went out on the deck for his conversation. I believe he has a different ring attached for her calls though. I'd love to hear it, as I could easily just say.....Oh, whose the special ring assigned too?....You're the only one that gets a special ring on my phone. I'm just waiting for the chance.

No acknowledgement from H whatsoever about our anniversary. My gift to him has sat here all day. I finally said....sometime before you go to bed tonight, could you please see if what I bought you works or not.

Well, I better sign off. H wants to use the computer. It's been such a tiring day. I'm ready for bed.

I'll check in tomorrow!

SueS

Darnit Sue, I hate tiring days.

The phone thing. I am sorry!!! Its awful. It can stop me in my tracks. Driving to dinner last night (to meet his family), I could actually hear it vibrating and I got sick. He didn't answer it, I didn't acknowledge it, and life went on. I hate it. Found out 10 minutes later it was his aunt calling, but still. Why are we in this position where we have to mistrust, worry, and be deflated?

And the anniversary thing. I just am sorry all over the place. I hope you can rest, and feel better tomorrow. Stay strong, together we can do this!!!

lwb-

Thanks for the encoragement. I need it today. I'm just so bummed because it was such a great weekend and then to be let down yesterday sucked. I made a big mistake this morning too. I peaked at his phone. It was her that called while I was posting last night. She had to know he was at home with us. However, it doesn't look like he called her though. Dummy me. I know how that makes me feel, but I just wanted to know if it was her calling since he walked out on the deck to talk.

I noticed that H had looked at what I bought him.....didn't touch the card. My silver tounge couldn't stay in my mouth and I said.....so you looked at the clothes but didn't open the card? He walked back in the bedroom, tried on the clothes & opened the card. After he read it, he sat it up on our dresser & walked over and gave me what I felt was a kiss out of obligation......no thank you, no I love you too. He might as well have just punched me in the gut. Didn't feel good at all.

I told H that I was going to bed. He asked why. I just said...I'm just kind of tired. I wanted to say....WHY---Gee, maybe because you gave me such an incredible weekend and then such a dissapointing day today...you were just on the phone with OW and you've just made me completely mentally & physically exhausted....how about that??? Obviously, I kept that part to myself. I just gave him a kiss & said....honey, thank you for the weekend. It was really nice to say the least.

I was running a little late this morning, but much to H's surprise I made his & D3's lunches, got D3 ready for daycare, got her to take her medicine & got ready myself.....wearing a rather low cut shirt. I gave D3 a hug & kiss goodbye, walked straight up to H, kissed him and said...I'll see you guys later.....love you guys.

Well, my H tells me that I need to be more assertive, take charge, be that more confident woman. I tried to start my week off by feeling good about how I looked this morning. Am I still bummed....yes, extremely. Will I do my best to have a great day....YES.

I'll check in later.

SueS

Sue, UCK to the phone call. I would love to set H's phone on fire, I really would. To think of all the times he used it to talk, flirt, laugh, plan times to meet....BARF Sometimes I think all of that is worse than the actual physical things they did together.

I am glad to hear your H's A might not be physical. Although, I will admit, I learned of the EA first, and was just as devastated, so I am not taking away any of your pain. I know it still hurts.

Ok, list of things to do today: assertiveness, confidence, taking charge. Easy peezy! Seriously though, if you exude confidence (even if you don't feel it), it will come back to you, giving you positive feedback, therefore feeding your confidence level. Know in your heart (and you do know this), that while its not what you want, you could be a single mom and take care of yourself and D3. No, won't be easy, but if you admit to yourself that you could do it, that alone will give you confidence. Anything else after that (H staying) would be even better, but you can't focus on that now.

YOU YOU YOU YOU!!

PS: My H is soooo not into cards, thinks they are a waste of money. Did your H feel that was before this mess? Maybe you don't have to read as much into the card, huh?